Am I the only pig headed trans guy here?

[GQjoey]

Alright, so I'm not really "pig headed", well at least I don't think so. But do any of you other guys find yourself having a HARD time "understand" where bio females are coming from? I've felt like a guy since as far back as I can remember, being about age 4. Always had a million guy friends, and was forced to hang out with my girly cousin who was the same age, go to her bday parties etc. Where there was NOTHING but barbies and make up, I would cry, begging to go home because I felt so uncomfortable.

I started "experimenting" around age 12-13, just petty "oh that's my gf for 4 days" type stuff. Little peck kisses, nothing serious. But by 14-15 I would date 1, dump her when I found someone better. Or just date them both until I got caught. They'd cry, I wouldn't care...I'd move on to my next little immature relationship. Looking back on it now, I can see it was because I thought I was a "player" I thought I was "cool", and really didn't carry any type of feeling or emotion for any of these girls, except for 1 whom I'm still close to 10 years later.

Even though now at 24 I'm not cheating, or playing games, I still harbor some of those same feelings. Sometimes I think it's because I HATE the fact, like many of you, I was born into the wrong shell, and in some twisted way that gives off my a##hole persona. I have a good handful of female friends, some whom I've dated, some who are just friends. And on a daily basis I hear "Why are you such a a##hole?". Sometimes because I probably really am being one, other times it's just because I'm highly humorous and it's more of a "haha you're such a a##hole". But I was just wondering if any of you other guys feel this way?

Like when a female friend of mine is pouting, being over emotional, or gossiping I want to tell her to SHUT THE *&*( UP! I sound like a super angry person right now lol  but I'm really not. Like a perfect example, I'm sitting online tonight working....and I get an instant message from a friend that lives up the street from me. Mind you its 2 am, the convo goes something like this....

Her: Can you come over please?
Me: Wtf, it's 2 am..im working..i'll come see you 2morrow
Her: Please J, Im freaking out right now
Me: Why?
Her: I think I'm pregnant.......
Me: Yeah? And wtf you want me to do?
Her: Why are you such an a##hole?

Then she blocked me. lol. Which is fine, because I would of kept on, and probably angered her more. Don't get me wrong, I DO have feelings, that I'm fully capable of expressing. But unless I'm completely into you, have feelings for you, love you to pieces, I don't show them. Just curious how other guys on here feel about the topic. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, or start a war, just wondering...

[Nero]

I don't understand them period. Never dated any in school or anything. Was too terrified to even speak to any female who wasn't a blood relative. So, yeah I know what you mean.

[Laurry]

Hate to break it to you, dude, but guys are, by definition, pig headed and often insensitive, and it is a rare one that even has a hint "where women are coming from".  I should know, I lived as one for nearly 50 years and was guilty of all the above (plus more).

Welcome to manhood! 

.......Laurry

[Keira]

If your a friend with the pregnant person and you live that close
and react that way, I understand why she would say that, tacfullness is not a uniquely female trait (though it is more prevalent in that gender because of socialisation). Maturity comes into not only caring for your own needs and also caring for the needs of others, its not just about being a women or men.

Imagine that it would have been a close guy friend telling you
his mother had died, many guys would be deeply affected by that
believe me, would you have acted in the same way? Probably the guy would not have asked for you to come by directly (because that wouldn't be a guy thing), but you would have gone anyway if your a real friend.

You seem to have contempt for those women in general, maybe part of a contempt for your own past, I don't know, not meant to do an psychoanalysis here.

[Jay]

I am exactly like you Joey I'm very insensitive to women and some men and also in general. I try to see where people are coming from but myviews come first.. must just be a male thing!

[mikke]

I don't understand a lot of things about women, but, having lived as one for  a while I do understand where they're coming from. I have nothing but respect for [most] women. I tend to get when women need space or need to vent, but don't ask me to remember all of the venting or be able to really help much...not my playing field.

Most of my friends come to me for translations of 'woman talk' or trying to figure out why their girlfriend is pissed. While I can't think very well like a girl, I can put myself in her shoes pretty easily  and have been able to teach a lot of my friends to do so as well. ANd vice versa- I've taught some of my female friends how guys tend to think so they don't get upset over as many things.

[Christo]

hehhehehe u gotta find the perfect girl    

[Thundra]

hehhehehe u gotta find the perfect girl   

You maniac!  LOL.  You know that ain't the answer they were looking for.

How is paradise these days?

[Wendy]

hehhehehe u gotta find the perfect girl    

Hidrix, actually that is a good answer.

........................

Being insensitive to someone in trouble is not really limited to guys.  It all depends on the person.

I've known girls to be mean to guys.  Maybe the girls were getting even for guys being mean to them. 

[Aeyra]

Some males are pigheaded but I think pigheadedness is a cultural trait, not something biological. Most of gender identity is cultural, not biological. I can't identify with guys per se but I've dealt with them. 

For the record, I don't think you're all that bad.

[GQjoey]

Laurry - I understand what you're saying. But in retrospect when I think of "pig headed" and "insensitive" I don't feel like that's who I am. You know the whole "I don't care about you, I just want in your pants". Is it possible to be an insensitive pr*ck but still be a "good guy"? lol


Keria - You're right. If it was one of my close guy friends, and there was a death in the family or something else, I would of been more sympathetic towards it. And that probably was immature of me to act that way. I apologized to her today for coming off as a dick. Just the way she went about "thinking she was pregnant" was extremely trashy, without shedding the details of the story. So no, I don't really feel any sympathy towards her. Being A. it was her bad choice and B. she's no where near ready to take care of a child.


Don't get me wrong. I have RESPECT for women, I think woman are beautiful individuals. But when outside of a relationship I have a hard time being "just friends" because I don't feel that connection you're supposed to feel. I do have a couple close female friends that iv'e known years. These are also the ones that know every little single thing there is to know about me. Maybe that's what my problem is. I have friends that KNOW im f2m...I have acquaintances that know I'm not a "bio male" but that's about it..then I have people who only know me as male.

A lot of it is the fact everytime I tell someone my "story" they're always "Omg how are you still standing" or "Wow you're sooo strong". Or some other "i pity you" type speech. I HATE that. I don't look at my life as something I've had to just "deal with and get over", I've learned a lot about life in general because of the fact I'm trans. I hear people complaining and whining over the STUPIDEST things, and I want to say "you have no idea what struggle is". But I don't, because everyone has their own problems right? I'm a very sociable person, I love making other laugh, and am usually the "life of the party". But on the inside, I want to punch people in the face, on a daily basis.

Maybe I should just take up boxing or something else, and channel my feelings and emotions that way. Instead of unintentionally hurting other peoples feelings.

[Dev]

Taking up some kind of sport or recreation will help.  I play hockey as much as possible and I love it. I may suck at it compared to people who have played it for years vs. me for a couple of inconsistant years.. but I have fun and get my agression out.   I honestly think it has helped me out when dealing with what I call the Darwins.  Ya know the people who deserve Darwin awards and should not breed.

I still have my run ins, but I bite my tonge or wait until I can vent.  It's really kinda funny how others sometimes see us.  I am called many names... ->-bleeped-<-, elitist snob, snoot and a host of other names.  Some of it I probally bring on myself because I do have high class taste and can mix in with any social class, but people who really know me joke with me about it because they know I worked for the things I have.  I just enjoy material things more then most I guess.

It all boils down to others in my book.  If they want to get to know you, they will know if you are really deep down a nice person or not.  On the exteriror I am a royal jerk sometimes, but if you ask my girl, she will tell you that under it all I would do anything for her and my friends.  I would not worry about it too much.  It was 2 am.  You acted much better than I would have, even the day after.   I sound a little cold there I know, but my sleep time is sacred.  If I felt it was something I needed to be there for, I would of done it.  May of looked like death warmed over and said a few extra words that expressed me loosing sleep, but I would do my best to help the person out.  They just have to know you as a person and accept your good and your bad as a friend does.

Wish I could help on the understanding women part... but afraid I would only make things worse.

[AddisonJames]

Even after attempting to live like a woman on the outside for a couple of years, I still dont understand them... (Nor myself sometime.)  I was born with a man's brain. >

It seems like they always have to beat around the bush, I like things more straight to the point, short and simple. And they have emotions I have never even heard of or felt. I have 3 emotions: Happy, Mad or Sad. But I do care a lot, just have a horrible way of communicating it.

But I know I could never ever live with out my woman.

[GQjoey]

Devlin - Good idea. I grew up playing hockey, age 4-17. And not to brag or anything (alright maybe a little) I lettered my freshman year. That WAS the only thing that kept me sane growing up, dealing with not knowing who I really was. I'm definitely going to look into an adult league this winter. Thanks for bringing it up!