Useless hormones: Where is the feminization?

[galaxy]

Hello together, i'm new to here.
My age is 37 and i'm MtF-transgender. Excuse me if my english is possibly not the best ...

I'm for over 17 month on female hormones now (and some cyproteron/CPA to block T). First time a was really, really happy to could do this step for my life. After waiting for long, long time i have to except that my body wouldnt change in a female way. The first thing after a few month was a softer skin around my body. My breast development reached a few centimeters only - but its not a "real" breast, its still masculine - no cup size, nothing. My further hope was the fat distribution or some msucle reduction - but the same here. No results after this 17 month - its all masculine, my arms, my legs - the neck, the chest. My body hair is growing in the same way and intensity as the years before.

A recognized a few changes in the face - mostly because of the soften skin but the face was getting slimmer and slimmer over the month. I ever thought with the hormones i get a little more fad in there and abundancy - no its very slim now and although my body weight raised for 4kg! So it still emphasizes my masculine facial features a lot. 

The whole HRT is a disaster to me. I'm very depressed every day of my life. The HRT was my hope to get a better life and now it become my fate. After having my SRS and a breast surgery (hopefully until 2015) i will dont have any money for a FFS or some fad surgery. Everytime i'm lookin to other timelines (f.e. here on susans) i feel the envy and the misery inside my heart. I changed my whole life and put all my power and money in my transition - and now, there is nothing a could call transition.

What could i do? I'm often think about suicide. 
Any other MtF here with bad HRT-results, disatisfaction about his all?

Lovely regards
Galaxy

[Jessica Merriman]

Have you and your doctor performed blood test's lately to check your levels? Were they higher or lower than they should be?

Anyway, a big warm welcome Galaxy! I hope you enjoy the resources and support you will find here. We have a very safe and friendly place here so relax and dig right in. There is a forum for everyone's interest's.   

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[galaxy]

Yes, i'm monitored by one of the best clinic for transgenders. My blood leves of E2 and T are very good.
But anyway - nothing really happens ...

[kelly_aus]

Yes, I've less than exciting results...

My levels are also great, I've tried a variety of different methods of taking E..

[Jessica Merriman]

Do you have any nipple soreness, budding or any kind of sensations? If not something is wrong somewhere chemically or biologically. I have never seen one post here where there has not been at least sensation in the nipples after 3 months. What does the doctor say about this? Do you have a health issue such as diabetes, hyper or hypo thyroidism, cancer or any auto immune disease? 

[BlonT]

We want to stay 18 and look stunning till we are 80,but that is only in dreams.There is so much more then the cover.
The way you act/react and move say more than looks.Hormones will work,no doubt about that,only what the result will be is up to your genetics.But do look around and look at people you be surprised. also looking for movie stars without makeup will be a eyeopener.

Be happy BlonT 

[galaxy]

No, my nippels do nothing. The areola is around 20-25mm and only a bit bigger when i feel warmth (on the shower f.e.). My breast and the nippels look really masculine. Breast size is 8-9cm, was 4-5cm before my HRT.

The doctor and me tried and checked different things with blood tests and i'm healthy. We found nothing that prohibits a feminization completly. Ive a little hypo thyroidism and get thyroxin 50mg for that. Ive no cancer or something like that. I'm healthy and have my sports, eating "good things" ... my BMI is 21,5. My doctors have no idea whats wrong with the body.

I dont look beeing 18 or beeing a model.
I only want to be a woman and want to look like a woman.

[Donnagirl]

And I get a 'B' cup after a year on ulcer medication....

[Jessica Merriman]

Have they tried Spironolactone for your anti androgen yet?

[galaxy]

yes, but its to mild the getting a female androgen range. My SHBG is very low, so CPA is the better choice.

[Jessica Merriman]

Wow! I was a professional Paramedic for 28 years and your case has me baffled. The only thing I can think of is you have one active metabolism or something.

[galaxy]

E2-level is at 100pg/ml after 8h ... application is twice a day in the morning and in the evening. 

[Jessica Merriman]

Application how? Pills, gels, injections, patches or pellets?
That is not a very high E2 from what I remember.

[galaxy]

I use gel int the morning and a pill+gel in the evening.
100 pg/ml is reached after 8 hours after application. I think the highest peak (after 1-2h) goes to 1000pg/ml.
What is your measuring methode?

[Miyuki]

I don't know for sure how accurate this information is, since Androcur isn't a medication that can be officially prescribed where I live and my endo didn't know much about it, but from what I have heard Androcur can significantly decrease the effectiveness of estrogen. It does this through a variety of mechanisms including desensitizing your body's estrogen receptors, and competing with estrogen since it is an artificial form of progesterone. I use it mainly because I don't get the side effects I did with spiro, and it keeps my androgen levels in the female range with a relatively low dose. But even then, my results so far have been somewhat mediocre (especially considering my genetics), and I'm working toward getting an orchiectomy right now so hopefully I will get get better results when I don't have to take it anymore. But like most things involved in hormone replacement therapy, results seem to vary a lot by the individual. I think there are a lot of cases where people taking Androcur have excellent results, and there really isn't any guarantee that finding an alternative would help at all. But at least in some cases, getting off Androcur does seem to make a pretty big difference.

[galaxy]

I'm talked to my doctor to get Bicalutamid or as second choice Enantone. Its all offlabel and he needs time to decide it.

I know the things and (bad) stories about CPA and over the 17 month its a only thing with a little result. With CPA my body hair reduced and my hair on the head growed better.  i got a to high prolactine, but the little results go back, too. At the moment CPA is my only possibility.

Thats all so hopeless 
I think my body isnt born to become a female being.

[Jessica Merriman]

Thats all so hopeless 
I think my body isnt born to become a female being.

It is not hopeless. I don't know anyone who has had success with "E" gel. Try injectable or oral "E" before you give up. The right combinations of meds have just not been perfected in your case

[galaxy]

Do nobody here uses E2-gel? Injectables are not availabe in my country.   
I use a split-combination with one pill and some gel. Should i switch to pills completely?
Most people say its better the take gel because of less E1 and risk of thrombose ...

[Monkeymel]

For me gel is just a booster - with regular dose from patches. Nipples didn't grow much - and breasts did a bit and then shrank thanks to exercise. Still enough to be lightly lactating (high prolactin can be a side effect of too much exercise). And have a good shape with padded A cups.

[Jessica Merriman]

I would see if they will give you sublingual pills. The risk of DVT is much less and sublingual is effective. I am just not a big fan of gels, but like Mel said it is a good booster.