How do you make a relationship work?

[Terra]

Ok, the basis of this question means I have to boor you with a bit of my life. Sorry. 

I meet this girl a couple of week ago and I really liked her. She had a smart mind, lots of the same interests as me, and even is very open minded about people she may meet. Amazing that she is only 19, I'm older but not much. ;P

Anyway, after hanging out a few weeks and getting closer, I made assumptions due to my mother's interference and assumed that she kind of knew about what was going on with me. As I said, she is really smart. But it turns out she hadn't really noticed anything and so I came out to her for nothing, or t least before I was really ready to. >< We talked and it turns out she didn't run from the house screaming, even better she said she would think about it, right before she kissed me. She didn't say we were going out, but I believe that to be a very good indication, no? 

However, she did ask questions on how we would make it work. Pronouns I could and did handle (refer to me by how I am dressed at the time), but she wanted to know...well...how to make it work.  So my question after all that is how do you couples out there make it work with your partners? What kind of rules or courtesies do you ask for? How do you respond to treatment from the public? Basically, how do you be a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

[LostInTime]

As you would any other relationship, those with T individuals simply have another dimension. Communication, commitment, compromise, love, and managing expectations are key. Sounds like the two of you are off to a good start, just take it slow from there and explore.

[gothique11]

I wish I knew the answer to this one. I'm in a relationship with a girl and we've been trying for a long time. We communicate a lot. We also live together. We have also drifted apart some, but have been trying to mend things. It's a lot of work, especially with the trans aspect. Intimacy is an issue -- or shall I say, more bluntly -- sex.

While I'm still in my own transition, she's also transitioning along with me and still trying to discover her self in the process. She's still trying to figure out if she's straight or not. She's never been with a woman before, so I'm her first "girlfriend." Although she'll find women attractive at times, she's still attracted to men mostly.

To her credit, she has been paitent towards me and has tried very hard not to treat me like a guy. We are very close and we love and care for each other, but at what capacity I'm not sure. Is it still going to be a romantic relationship, or are we going to salvage things and be close friends? The one thing we both don't want is to lose each other and the connection we have. How we keep it, I don't know at this point.

An interesting tid bit has arised -- she's thinking of doing drag king stuff and exploring the male side of herself. I find it interesting that she studied trans stuff before ever meeting me and was quite interested in it. In a weird way, I think she's trying to figure out her own gender. Although, I'll have to say, that she likes being a girl and she said that she doesn't want to transition. However, she's opened up to the idea of trying on a male persona to explore her own self. Which is just fine, I'm glad that she's exploring her self and that my self-exploration has encouraged her to explore and find her own self.

[Sheila]

I can only answer this as that I was a lot older than you when I transitioned. I wished that I could have done it at an earlier age, but I was afraid. My wife and I are very good friends and we have always been very good friends, that would be number 1. We still love each other, but the intimacy is gone as she is not a lesbian and I'm just me, Sheila. We do everything together and she doesn't care one way or the other what people say about us. She is a very strong woman. She still likes me around for the other things like reaching to the top of the cabinets. You know stuff like that. I'm only kidding, we make a good team. No one really cares or talks that much about us, maybe at first but now we are Sheila and Pat and people just see us as that. I call her my wife or partner, I don't know what she calls me, I know Sheila, but as far as husband or partner, I don't know. I don't care.
I would imagine that if you are starting to transition that you might want to save some sperm or eggs if you want to have a child from your DNA or you can adopt. I would think that would be something to think about while your young. Names and pronouns are entirely up to you, whatever you feel comfortable with. Make sure you two are friends first, love changes over time.
Sheila

[Jay]

Relationships take trust, commitment,support and love of course
You need to take your relationship one day at a time slowly, don't try and rush into anything as   that is how relationships normally fail.

However my girlfriend sees me as a man and treats me as one. If we go out in public no body even blinks and eye lid. That doesn't mean they see me as a male. Its just people have busy enough life's to worry about what he or she is doing or who they are with. I have never faced the nasty comments whilst being my true self. Only when I was hiding as female I received a few "lesbian" comments however I am quite good on the come backs. Which helps!