I have not learned how to quote previous posts. Also, I think I do not yet have all privileges that most members have for posting. And I am trying to make my photo sizes more reasonable. Sorry for clogging the forum. Please forgive my clunky formatting. . .
Lavistaa, amber roskamp, Kaydee, thank, you!
Stephaniec, you work so hard on this site! Thank you. So inspirational.
missymay, you are elegant. That chin... those cheekbones. Really beautiful. Then I read a post you wrote, in the past, about "not passing" and all I could think was... huh? Really?
Brenda, what a lovely affirming post. Thank you so much. I would like to take the time to write, with much more detail, what I was thinking when I was younger. I will eventually... a short version is that my biggest thought was probably fear. How will I ever meet someone who will love a freak like me? Also, a big thought was... Am I mentally ill? Also... what is the cure?
I assumed all guys felt like they were women to some degree. I just assumed all other guys were much better at dealing with it. I thought all guys hated their penis and testosterone. I know this will sound silly today. It really was not until the mid-1990's and the internet and the sun slowly started to emerge. Hey! Wait a minute. What, maybe I am not a sicko?
But back in the 70's the only books I could find in the library, that seemed to describe my condition, were abnormal psychology books. And the chapter that was closest to labeling me was right next to the chapter on pedophilia, paraphilia and fetishes. I learned quickly, this is not something to tell anyone! When I was younger, I was like a root bound plant. Completely compressed in my pot.
katiej, the dress is Yigal Azrouel. It is called a techno jacquard dress. The color is: Bone. Thank you so much for noticing, you have excellent taste! :-) I bought it over two years ago (on sale) and the photo you see is the first time I finally wore it. I simply was tired of waiting for the right event or excuse. I thought, "Hey, it's Christmas! Good enough." Also, I guess, I am gaining confidence. I'm kind of at the point where even if somebody does clock me I'm hoping they'll think something like... "Hmmm, is that a transsexual? Well, looks like they made the right decision." But, I like to think that people aren't thinking that way.
So I wore my fancy dress to visit my dermatologist, then to pick up my mail and to the car repair shop. I literally just ran errands in it. The shoes are also over two years old but this was the first time I had worn those as well. I did not intend for them to go together... but they seemed so perfect... when I pulled it all together. I wanted to wear nude pumps... but practicality won. The dress is super comfy as are the shoes... so it is dressy, but yet - easy.
The photos with this post, which I took tonight after a short "girl's night out" (and three glasses of wine,) are of a Wolford dress. Similar theory of styling as the one from two days ago. Comfy and easy... but, well...a touch sexy. This black dress has an entirely different attitude: punk + risqué... Keep in mind this is for a 50+ year old. So my punk is not my daughter's punk. Both dresses are a little body-con. But, thanks to the texture (ruching is my friend,) length and sleeves... the sex gets toned down. Also... wearing flats keeps it real. I love heels, but not tonight.
As a note, what I learned tonight, which is very reassuring, is that older men do seem to like me. I am not used to that at all yet, not at all. Men can be very aggressive and smart. Surprise. I do fear my voice and other remnants of 49 years of "acting male" still waft around me like a cloud. I hope to continue to gain more assurance and will probably fly to Korea to have VFS. But, more importantly, how do I get those men a little younger? (Actually, I put myself in the lesbian camp. But everyone tells me to keep an open mind. Good advice at this stage.)
Kind regards, Dani
