I never thought I'd ever say this...

[mavieenrose]

As I tranisitioned 15yrs ago (well before I even knew what the internet was...) I never had access to this kind of forum or any other of the resources that are so readily available on the net.  I finally got a home computer and fast internet connection a few months ago, really got into surfing and then was lucky enough to chance upon this site. 

Although I just live my life like the average woman out there and live very much in 'stealth', I've always tried to keep a strong sense of who I am deep-down, and to remember that I have an unusual past for a woman and a trans history.  Although only close friends and family know about my past, I have always identified myself (in my head at least) as fundamentally a 'trans' woman.

However in the few weeks that I've been connected (and at times a little addicted...) to this site, I've come to realise just how un-trans I actually am.  A couple of months ago I would really have been ashamed of myself for saying that, as if I were somehow letting myself and the rest of the trans community down...

But, what's struck me here is just how little the daily concerns of the average trans person actually have any relevance to my life and I'm actually starting to think that I'm much less of a trans woman than I previously thought.   

In the past I took the view, once a trans woman, always a trans woman, but now I'm just not so sure.  I just can't identify enough with a lot of the discussions going on here, although I know for sure that 15 yrs ago I certainly would have and I'm sure it would have really helped me.

I hope people don't take this as a critique or a snub of other members here because it's definitely not at all meant that way.  But what I think I'm saying is that somehow by visiting this forum, I've been transported many years back to my past to how I once used to feel, and it's blatantly clear that I'm just not at all the same person.

Basically, what I'm saying is that thanks to Susan's I've learnt to accept that I'm not really trans at all any more and that's wonderful, because it goes to show just how effective the transitioning process really is and just how lucky I am to have been born into an era where medical help was available.

MVER XXX
A woman who was once trans.

[cindianna_jones]

mavieenrose, 

You've just identified the reason that so many of us disappear after transition.  After I conquered the demon, I melded back into society for nearly two decades before I popped up here a year ago.

There is nothing of "transness" remaining in my life unless it is dealing with my family or turning on the computer to join in the forum here.

I know exactly where you are coming from

Cindi

[Kate]

There is nothing of "transness" remaining in my life unless it is dealing with my family or turning on the computer to join in the forum here.

Ah, the Promised Land! Almost there... almost there...

It's funny, but ya know, looking back on this last month or so (yea, I know, I know, a WHOLE MONTH! I'm an expert! lol..)... the goofy thing is the only real reason I'm aware of being TS is because *I* still obsess on it. If you hypnotized me into believing I was a GG, I don't think I'd notice much to contradict that anymore - at least in terms of just living my life, going to work, shopping and all.

I'm not saying I pass all that well or anything, just that ya know, if I just shut up and stopped freaking out (aka "I can't do this!") about every new situation, it'd just be a pretty normal girl's life at this point. And I'm not saying that to brag or anything, as I know I have a LOT to do yet, BUT... sometimes I think we're our own worst enemy, and the life we want so badly is actually right under our heels if we'd just stop overanalyzing and ACCEPT it.

Anyways, I REALLY REALLY want to thank you "veterans" for sticking around and showing us newbies the possibilities... and for giving us HOPE. I realize you have every reason to just get on with your own lives and really leave this all behind, so I deeply appreciate your taking the time to hold our hands now and then

~Kate~

[Sheila]

I came to the same conclusion. I just don't feel trans anymore, but I know that there are people out there that need help. I'm a softy and I like to help out. I try really hard to understand some of the kids out there, but the truth is, I'm so far away from some of the lingo that I don't understand what is happening. Just this last year I have found myself as not a trans woman any longer but just a woman who is driving a school bus full of kids. I'm treated as such and I love it. About the only thing that I do for myself as being fem. is my nails. They are naturally terrible, so I get solar gels. Otherwise I dress like a slob in jeans or capris and a top of some sort. I'm not out to win the hearts of others or try to push gender identity into the newspaper. I'm just Sheila ;0)
Sheila

[Buffy]

Although I just live my life like the average woman out there and live very much in 'stealth', I've always tried to keep a strong sense of who I am deep-down, and to remember that I have an unusual past for a woman and a trans history.  Although only close friends and family know about my past, I have always identified myself (in my head at least) as fundamentally a 'trans' woman.

However in the few weeks that I've been connected (and at times a little addicted...) to this site, I've come to realise just how un-trans I actually am.  A couple of months ago I would really have been ashamed of myself for saying that, as if I were somehow letting myself and the rest of the trans community down...

Basically, what I'm saying is that thanks to Susan's I've learnt to accept that I'm not really trans at all any more and that's wonderful, because it goes to show just how effective the transitioning process really is and just how lucky I am to have been born into an era where medical help was available.

MVER XXX
A woman who was once trans.

Yes, Yes, Yes...

I know exactly what you mean, my turning point came about a year ago, when my best friend asked when I was going to finally let go of the past and move on from considering myself as a "transwoman" to simply be a woman, it has changed the way I feel and relate to the World.

I hang around primarily for the simple reason that I believe that being here brings experience of having completed a process that is daunting to many people and without being concieted, to show people that there is life after transition.

Buffy

[RebeccaFog]

Hi Mavieenrose,

   I found your post kind of beautiful.  The whole "trans" thing is something that you Ts's are stuck with, but once beyond it, you can live like a normal human being.  I think you all deserve that opportunity.  I certainly didn't find anything negative in what you are saying or the way you said it.  In fact, by saying it, you give others the opportunity to understand that they have the potential for happiness in their future.

   I say, good for you!


Love,

Rebis

[tinkerbell]

I totally relate ma cherie.  As I said on a different thread, the only place where I am constantly reminded that I wasn't born female is here.
Needless to say, I don't divulge my past (as it is no one's business), for I think that most of us transition to live regular lives as men or women without the stigma that society has put onto the term "transsexual".


tink

[cindianna_jones]

I am delighted that there is a place where there are some of us who have fully transitioned... a place where we can share with others.  Yes, there is a life after surgery. Yes it can be rich and rewarding.  So often, the pinnacle of "the story" is the surgery.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  It is, like so many important events in life, simply another beginning.

That's what I hope to share here with others.... and to have some good friends to chat with

Cindi

[Elizabeth]

I think of it as a caterpillar that has turned into a butterfly. It's hard to say one is still a caterpillar, but it used to be. Can't deny that. But a butterfly can't be a caterpillar anymore it can only be a butterfly. Once the transition is complete, one is no longer transitioning and hence no longer transsexual. One might have a transsexual history, but one is no longer transsexual nor their birth gender. They are their target gender.

At least I hope so.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Berliegh]

As I tranisitioned 15yrs ago (well before I even knew what the internet was...) I never had access to this kind of forum or any other of the resources that are so readily available on the net.  I finally got a home computer and fast internet connection a few months ago, really got into surfing and then was lucky enough to chance upon this site. 

Although I just live my life like the average woman out there and live very much in 'stealth', I've always tried to keep a strong sense of who I am deep-down, and to remember that I have an unusual past for a woman and a trans history.  Although only close friends and family know about my past, I have always identified myself (in my head at least) as fundamentally a 'trans' woman.

However in the few weeks that I've been connected (and at times a little addicted...) to this site, I've come to realise just how un-trans I actually am.  A couple of months ago I would really have been ashamed of myself for saying that, as if I were somehow letting myself and the rest of the trans community down...

But, what's struck me here is just how little the daily concerns of the average trans person actually have any relevance to my life and I'm actually starting to think that I'm much less of a trans woman than I previously thought.   

In the past I took the view, once a trans woman, always a trans woman, but now I'm just not so sure.  I just can't identify enough with a lot of the discussions going on here, although I know for sure that 15 yrs ago I certainly would have and I'm sure it would have really helped me.

I hope people don't take this as a critique or a snub of other members here because it's definitely not at all meant that way.  But what I think I'm saying is that somehow by visiting this forum, I've been transported many years back to my past to how I once used to feel, and it's blatantly clear that I'm just not at all the same person.

Basically, what I'm saying is that thanks to Susan's I've learnt to accept that I'm not really trans at all any more and that's wonderful, because it goes to show just how effective the transitioning process really is and just how lucky I am to have been born into an era where medical help was available.

MVER XXX
A woman who was once trans.

You've got to remember these days it's probably much harder to transition, especially for those less fortunite who have to go through the NHS system in Britain. No one really wants to broadcast the nature of their origins and the main objective for most is to have a ssuccessful transition. In my case it's taken many years where I have been unfortunite in going the NHS route and in doing so have lost 7 years of my life...

Some NHS waiting lists in the U.K are up to 4 or 5 years before an appointment can be made.  Many people find this forum very useful for resources and help from other like minded people. Apart from surfing this site I don't attend any trans - related venue's or convevention and my interests are elsewhere but many people need the help resources of a good forum like this one. I don't subscribe to the 'Trans - woman' thing, I'm an ordinary person and am regarded as female in my everyday life, not a trans- person or transwoman. I don't like the terms or the analogy but I am not ashamed of my birth origins.

You are lucky you have had an easy ride but many of us don't and struggle with organisation in the U.K like the NHS for many years (16 years in my case). You may have had a sucessful transition in a small space of time and had the money to finance things properly. But I think you are being a bit smug and patronising to many people. If you don't need this site and you say you've moved on, why are you here and addicted to this site?

I know a couple of TS women who really are 'Stealth' and they don't ever go to T related sites or forums or have any connection with the T community. They don't even have contact with me anymore as they know I may still have contact with the T community.

[mavieenrose]

Thank you so much Cindi, Kate, Sheila, Buffy, Rebis, Tink, Elizabeth for your posts. You all really seem to understand where I'm coming from and it really means a lot to me 

You've got to remember these days it's probably much harder to transition, especially for those less fortunite who have to go through the NHS system in Britain. No one really wants to broadcast the nature of their origins and the main objective for most is to have a ssuccessful transition. In my case it's taken many years where I have been unfortunite in going the NHS route and in doing so have lost 7 years of my life...

Some NHS waiting lists in the U.K are up to 4 or 5 years before an appointment can be made.  Many people find this forum very useful for resources and help from other like minded people. Apart from surfing this site I don't attend any trans - related venue's or convevention and my interests are elsewhere but many people need the help resources of a good forum like this one. I don't subscribe to the 'Trans - woman' thing, I'm an ordinary person and am regarded as female in my everyday life, not a trans- person or transwoman. I don't like the terms or the analogy but I am not ashamed of my birth origins.

You are lucky you have had an easy ride but many of us don't and struggle with organisation in the U.K like the NHS for many years (16 years in my case). You may have had a sucessful transition in a small space of time and had the money to finance things properly. But I think you are being a bit smug and patronising to many people. If you don't need this site and you say you've moved on, why are you here and addicted to this site?

I know a couple of TS women who really are 'Stealth' and they don't ever go to T related sites or forums or have any connection with the T community. They don't even have contact with me anymore as they know I may still have contact with the T community.

And thank you Berleigh for supplying the post I was actually expecting to receive in reply to my comments...   

I'd be interested to know why you feel someone today would face more problems transitioning than someone in the past.  In my opinion, it's rarely a truly easy process for anyone and I'm not sure that people in the past had it any easier than people today.

I'm also not sure how you came to the conclusion that my life has been an easy ride. You actually know extremely little about me and the details of my past, and I can certainly say that just like so many here I have certainly never had an easy ride in life, but just a solid conviction of who I am, of where I've always wanted to be and that there are people in my life that care deeply about me and whom I love dearly.

Have you ever considered that the TS women you once knew, but are no longer in contact with you, choose to do this for other reasons than the TS thing?  Maybe you've just grown apart as friends sometimes do...

MVER XXX

[debisl]

Thank God for you women
This is the first post in a long time that I truly am happy about. This is how I have always envisioned my life to be after SRS. It is no body business what I was. If I could ever help anyone else here I would be glad to do so. My magic day will be here shortly.
I always wondered if there were others out there that wanted to  distant themselves from being labled as transexual. I just want to be Deborah a woman. I don't plan of ever telling anyone of my past, except for you guys here.
I just hope I am able to accomplish what you have done.

Thank you all
Deb

[cindianna_jones]

Thank God for you women
This is the first post in a long time that I truly am happy about. This is how I have always envisioned my life to be after SRS. It is no body business what I was. If I could ever help anyone else here I would be glad to do so. My magic day will be here shortly.
I always wondered if there were others out there that wanted to  distant themselves from being labled as transexual. I just want to be Deborah a woman. I don't plan of ever telling anyone of my past, except for you guys here.
I just hope I am able to accomplish what you have done.

Thank you all
Deb

I'm like you Deb.  I've rarely told anyone of my past.  I have some very good friends who I have never told. It isn't an issue.  It seems odd, I know, especially since writing and publishing my life story.  But I'm up front about it.  I used a pen name.  It says so in the book.  My life isn't so interesting that the reporters will be clamouring on my doorstep to find out just who Cindi Jones is.

There are a couple here who know my identity.  It isn't a great secret. If my neighbors were to find out, I don't think it would make any difference to them at this point.

With all that said, I do not wish to be known as a transsexual.  I don't see myself as one.  I don't ever think about it unless I am visiting here.  Even with my very best friend in the world, who is also post op for many years, we NEVER talk about it.

I know that I went through hell when I transitioned.  Some swill till have major obstacles now.  But I do believe that society has been softened up some.  When I was transitioning, not even gays were accepted in most places.  Things have changed significantly in the past twenty years.

In any case, we all share something that is significant and special.  Isn't it great that we can glom here together once in a while to share thoughts and experiences?

Cindi

[Suzy]

To me this does not sound the least bit strange.  If and when I can transition, I will want nothing to do with the old life.  I mean nothing!  I'd rather nobody knew me.  All my heart has ever wanted is to be a woman, accepted by other women as one of their own, and to live as a normal woman does.  I'm happy and thankful for those who are activists.  But I don't want to do any flag waving.  I don't want to have "special" rights.  I just want to be the me I've come to know.  And I want to live in peace with the support of a few special friends.  As the biological clock ticks, this force pulls ever stronger.

Kristi

[melissa90299]

As I tranisitioned 15yrs ago (well before I even knew what the internet was...)

I would think it odd if after fifteen years that you still did feel "trans" I started feeling like that a year in fulltime, even though the "world" did not. I think most transwomen feel ths way after awhile.

[debisl]

Cindi I just hope I will have as big a smile on my face as you have in your picture after one week.

Kristi you know you will have my support.

Girls if there is ever anything you want to know or anything I can ever help you with I am just a click of a mouse away.

Deb

[mavieenrose]

As I tranisitioned 15yrs ago (well before I even knew what the internet was...)

I would think it odd if after fifteen years that you still did feel "trans" I started feeling like that a year in fulltime, even though the "world" did not. I think most transwomen feel ths way after awhile.

Hello Melissa,

Yes, about a year and a half after tranisitioning and 6 months after SRS I remember I was just living my life as a woman and didn't really give much of a thought to my trans past. 

However, as time went on there were instances that forced me to face up to my 'different' status (for example, back then people born in the UK couldn't change their birth certificates, so I had moments when I had to out myself to obtain a student loan or for pensions, and I also didn't have the right to marry a man, I'd also made the decision to always be open about my past when I was in romantic relationships, and then there's my desire to have children, which I just can't because I was born a boy...)  and so, I suppose I shifted back slightly in my mind to seeing myself as a trans woman, rather than just a woman.  This didn't impact on my daily life, but was just my own label for myself in my head.

Thankfully the birth certificate issue is no more since 2005, so that's removed some major reminders of my past and freed me from certain difficult, upsetting and frankly unnecessary situations, and the only major issues that remain are children and the fact that I will always want to tell a truly significant other about my trans history.

What has been interesting for me over the last few weeks here at Susan's is to gradually realise that what I now consider as 'trans' in my head is in fact a very long way from the trans experiences of many of the people who are currently hoping to transition, actually tranisitioning, or have recently completed their transition.

So yes, although I didn't fully realise it until just recently, I've been a woman and not a trans woman for a very very long time indeed...

MVER XXX

[Berliegh]

As I tranisitioned 15yrs ago (well before I even knew what the internet was...)

I would think it odd if after fifteen years that you still did feel "trans" I started feeling like that a year in fulltime, even though the "world" did not. I think most transwomen feel ths way after awhile.

In my case many years were wasted with the NHS. My original diagnosis was in 1985. I spent 7 years trying to access treatment through the NHS Clinic system but no treatment was facilitated. I still haven't got a referral for GRS..

I try and be positive and it's probably my own fault for going through the NHS system.......my two stealth friends warned me about the NHS Clinic system in the begining and told me private treatment was the only way. I didn't listen but they were right all along. I haven't got the money or resourses but I will have to find them if I am to succeed.

[mavieenrose]

I started my transition in 1992 which shows what an awful fight, nightmare and timescale I has been going through during my time with the NHS system ...which is also 15 years.....and I'm still no where near done yet......no GRS or anything yet.....

I try and be positive and it's probably my own fault for going through the NHS system.......my two stealth friends warned me about the NHS Clinic system in the begining and told me private treatment was the only way. I didn't listen but they were right all along. I haven't got the money or resourses but I will have to find them if I am to succeed.

Hello again Berleigh,

15 yrs transitioning certainly seems like a very long time to me and I'm sorry you are so unhappy.
That said, you look female and I'm sure that in those 15 yrs at least some things have greatly improved for you, or at least I hope so.

MVER XXX

[Berliegh]

Hello again Berleigh,

15 yrs transitioning certainly seems like a very long time to me and I'm sorry you are so unhappy.
That said, you look female and I'm sure that in those 15 yrs at least some things have greatly improved for you, or at least I hope so.

MVER XXX

Many thanks for your support mavieenrose.......your comments about my appearance are very nice and kind.......I've changed very little over the years but I think I looked far more female when I was younger...