I have my first appointment with a gender therapist tomorrow, and have written a letter to help me communicate. What does everyone think of this letter? Does this decribe things well enough? Is it clear? I also recently started a thread at
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,16629.0.html which I want to mention here for relavence.
Dear Dr. *****,
My name is *****. I was referred to you by Dr. ***** because I asked him to refer me to someone who would specialize in the area of gender identity, and he told me that you have worked with several people in the area of gender identity during the early stages of therapy. I am writing a letter because I find it much easier to communicate in writing and I believe that I would do better in therapy if I write down certain essential things in advance.
I am 25 years old and have been having a conflict with gender identity since I was 15. The form of my gender identity conflict is a feeling as if being male is the wrong way to be and being female is the right way to be. The idea of living the rest of my life as male just really bothers me, and the idea of becoming female seems like dream that comes true. I have been seriously considering the possibility that a sex changing transition might be right for me. I am, however, not completely certain that transition would be right.
I have read that female to male transsexuals describe their female breasts as feeling like tumors on their bodies, and that they sense a "phantom penis" on their bodies before surgery that is similar to a "phantom arm" that a person with a missing arm might feel. I have also read that male to female transsexuals feel as if their genitals feel like a tumor or a parasitic worm hanging from their bodies. I don't think I have feelings like this. My discomfort with my body seems to be with the way it looks and the fact that it does not match my identity, but is not with the way it feels. Since I am not completely sure if a sex change transition is right for me, and since I don't have discomfort with the way my body feels, I am worried about the possibility that if I were to transition, I could end up with the type of discomfort with having breasts that feel like tumors, or sense a "phantom penis" that is similar to the type of discomfort that female to male transsexuals feel.
There are theories that a particular mechanism causes people to identify as a certain gender. In parcticular, there is a theory that just like the way the body has a sex, the brain also has a sex, and those who have a conflict between their body and gender identity have a brain which is the opposite sex as the body. What worries me is that I am not completely sure that what I feel is the same thing that other transsexuals feel. If theories such as these are true, and if I do not have a female brain (or whatever mechanism would theoretically cause a female gender identity) then a sex change transition would bring about the very discomfort that transsexuals want to rid themselves of.
Despite my worries, I do have some discomfort with the way my body looks and the fact that it conflicts with my gender identity. Even though I have fears to the contrary, I do think that there is a good chance a sex change transition will in fact make me happier and will not add discomfort (my fear is due to being unsure of this). Regardless of whether or not a sex change transition is the right solution to relieve my feelings with gender identity conflict, and regardless of why I have these feelings, they are significant enough that they need to be addressed, and I need to figure out why I have these feelings. I hope that therapy can help me to figure out why I have these feelings and what solution is best for me.
