Hi Squirrel,
This is were a good therapist really comes into play, they allow you, make you explore your feelings intimately.
But that said, many of us fight out transgender thoughts and gendry dysphoria, and it tends to be easier to fight when we are young as your T levels are high making you feel 'manly', this is why , or partially why many transgender women don't 'give in' to their feeling until later in life. But the feelings never go away.
Transitioning is hard, it is hard on the person and on relationships with other people. Many of us do lose our friends and family, but many do not. Parent in particular usually go into shock for a while before accepting you.
No one really enjoys facing up to transitioning, I lived most of my life trying to be a man, and failed because - I'm a woman. And when I realised it was transition or die then I did face my fears and openly embraced transition with joy and enthusiasm. But it was still tough, I do have memories of despair, am I doing the right thing etc, but my friends here and my therapist pulled me through and now I am me; Cindy, an extremely happy well adjusted woman.
I would suggest you talk to a therapist particularly as not transitioning may screw up things, you may meet a girl and decide a family will be for you and maybe even cure you. It won't and you may end up destroying her life and affecting the life of your children, so get some help before you follow either path.
No one can say if you are transgender, there is no 'marks' there is no medical parameter, it is a very personal awareness. So no one here can say to you - yes you are transgender, only you can answer that.
