and so it has finally begun

[Umiko]

with 12 days left, i find myself feeling a bit nervous, happy, scared, shaken and even a little sadden, but i already decided that even if nothing happens, i will still be happy no matter the outcome. it'll just prove its not my time yet, thats all. 12 days and counting 
my inspiration quote of the day is "try looking at a tall flight of stairs as a bunch of tiny steps" -BubGreat
yea i know, ironic is it not that i finally learned to accept myself but you gotta give me credit though it took a lot of stubbornness and learning to be patient xD

[Jessica Merriman]

A little confused here? Countdown to what?

[Umiko]

A little confused here? Countdown to what?

haha! i've talked about this already, silly  whatever happens after that ticker hits zero, i will choice to be happy with whatever the outcome is. though i should change it. hmmmm

[Jessica Merriman]

So are you going to the appointment or not? I thought you were going to wait or something now? Sorry just can't keep up I guess.

[Umiko]

So are you going to the appointment or not? I thought you were going to wait or something now? Sorry just can't keep up I guess.

was going to wait if my psychiatrist says i should but as far as i know i'm still going. its after everything is said and done, whatever the outcome, i will choose to be happy and take it as a sign its not my time yet. in a sense its personal growth    funny really. or do you prefer my stubborn self, onee-chan xD if i go back to being stubborn, i can throw a tantrum if i dont the outcome i want lol.

[Jessica Merriman]

OK. Good luck.

[Umiko]

OK. Good luck.

changed the name. that last one didnt really fit o:
*makes a putty face* meanie lol. strange really. never thought i'd go back to being rational. honestly i can say all rationality as gone out the window and i may seem calm but really i'm on the verge of flipping my lid. hmm, very strange indeed.

[Cindy]

Maybe go and get some sleep

[Umiko]

Maybe go and get some sleep

but but but but, i'm not sleepy 

[Bombadil]

you are a confusing person. So, I think I might understand what your silly self is saying. maybe. or maybe not.

regardless I'm in favor of rationality and acceptance. I'm in favor of you not being torn apart as you go through this process.

[Umiko]

2 more friggin days! where the hell has the time gone 

[Umiko]

you are a confusing person. So, I think I might understand what your silly self is saying. maybe. or maybe not.

regardless I'm in favor of rationality and acceptance. I'm in favor of you not being torn apart as you go through this process.

well my rational sane self makes no sense what so ever xD hahaha!

[JLT1]

Two days until you start the journey, not arrive at the destination.  That will take a while.

However, you have done so much more than so many.  Feel proud.

Hugs Girl!!

Jen

[Umiko]

Two days until you start the journey, not arrive at the destination.  That will take a while.

However, you have done so much more than so many.  Feel proud.

Hugs Girl!!

Jen

i did no such thing  honestly if i didnt remain collected, i would of already cracked. you should see me on a good day. usually ready to sink my teeth in the nearest moving target  hahaha!

[ativan]

It's like running an obstacle course.
You look ahead at what you need to do to take the next step or two...
Concentrate on that and know that when you get to the next obstacles on the course, you'll deal with them when you get there.
You have to be able to keep taking the right steps, right now.
Thinking about what you know is there, yet you're not even in sight of, will cause you to miss a step you need to take now.
It's like flying when you are seeing the next few steps and are sure-footed in taking them.
Lose your concentration and you'll miss and slip on a step you need to be looking at.
It's one step at a time, watching for the next few to get you to where you need to be.
You'll do the same thing when you get to that place on your path.
Concentrate on what you're doing and you will fly right through it, ready to take the next ones.
Don't and you'll be stuck plodding along, worrying about what may or may not be in front of you.
The path is there, keep an eye on each step you can see, to take you to the ones you can't see right now.
What's the next step? The next few that you can see?
Ativan

[Umiko]

when i think about it, i've never felt happier. not just fake happy, but this time actually genuine happy. that type of happy that makes even the coldest of skin feel warm. that type of feeling that would make the dead double time and say "is that a little heart beat a hear?" maybe i am actually alive because i do hear a little heart beat in my chest and its scary but also brings worth this this coldness of mines. but as always every good thing has its end so eventually it'll subside

[ativan]

but as always every good thing has its end so eventually it'll subside

That's when you are pushing off from that step and moving to the next one.
Stop thinking you'll slip and fall.
Pay attention to what that next step is, good or bad, you need to take it to get the one you need.
The one you know that you can use to take you to the next and the next.
Pay attention to the ones that are good and simply use the bad ones to get you there.
Rest at those places when you need to and then keep on moving forward.
You're getting there.
Ativan