How do you feel about being trans?

[KarlMars]

Anxious to have the money to start T.

[Janine]

Relieved that I now know why I was little and wanted to be a girl, sometimes preferred girl toys when I could get them, and was always shy around guys but could just open up to girls, unless of course I thought they were cute. Back then, I had no idea what it meant to be trans, and to be honest hadn't even heard of it until a few years ago. I heard of sex changes before that, but only on Taboo, so I thought it was just a rare, odd lifestyle choice that didn't pertain to me. See, by then, I had long repressed most of my girlness, save for some unconscious things that I don't notice until they're pointed out, or until I'm severely emotional about something. I don't know why I repressed it, I feel I'm missing a huge piece of the puzzle still, like maybe a traumatic incident of some kind or maybe I was actually born intersex but assigned to be a male by the doctor at birth. That second one could be the case, as I have a weird scar down there at the tip and what looks like healed stitches underneath the scrotum. I have hardly ever felt very masculine, even if I'm not exactly the picture of femininity and don't bother acting ladylike even now. I'm just glad I can finally be me and not worry about being made fun of for being too this or not enough that. I know as Janine, my 'f the world they can all go die' attitude, my day to day ability to find something that angers me, and my self hate for not being good enough at what I strive to be have all disappeared.

[Kylo]

How do I feel?

I feel like I probably have very little inkling of what a normal life is like. Transsexuality has permeated and disrupted my life such that I probably have no idea how to be anything but the mess I currently am.

[Tossu-sama]

I checked comfortable and other.

Comfortable because over the years I've come into terms with it and other for not really caring about it anymore.

It's just how things are.

[Deborah]

Mostly I don't think about it much anymore.  But when I do what I feel is mostly resentment.
- Resentment at a money grubbing pharmaceutical industry that knowingly gave my mother the drugs that did this.
- Resentment at religion who turn something totally out of my control into a morality issue.
- Resentment at conservatives who want to treat us like pariahs.
- Resentment at my parents for telling me I was crazy instead of helping in any constructive way.

As for how I feel about myself; I feel fine.



Sapere Aude

[King Malachite]

My answer still hasn't changed from the previous one.

[JayceeTG]

I am scared and depressed and the emotions are all over the place to be honest. I know who I am deep in my soul and I am not sure if she will ever come out to the world but I know who and what I am. I know that I am a woman even if I live FT as a man.

[Michelle_P]

I was fine with it until this week. Sure, the social transphobia makes life harder, but I'm determined to survive.

Now, though, I'm being threatened the last couple days, just verbally so far, but it bothers me that people suddenly feel so free to be openly hostile and uncivil.

I'm a social creature, and enjoy the company of others. The thought of having to go into hiding is a bit chilling. My mother-in-law and I had a discussion on the subject Tuesday. She's a survivor of the camps in WW2 Europe, and was concerned for my safety.

So am I.


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[Tessa James]

I remain comfortable and even more determined to live free and let my truth be known.  My closet will contain my clothes but not my fears.  I will face my fears and the challenges ahead with the strength of community around me.  Together we will not just survive but thrive.  I am happy to have made my transition a permanent one.  No going back, no hiding and no shame.

Yesterday another trans activist and I presented on transgender people and access to health care at one of the major Portland hospitals.  An auditorium of people engaged us respectfully with questions and calls for improved health care access and personal acceptance.

[eyesk8rboi]

I almost chose excited, because when you boil it down, I am EXTREMELY excited to be starting HRT, and in addition, I finally feel like my life is coming together and all of the pieces are falling into place.

The reason I chose other is because I have fought with myself for many years on being trans, with the dysphoria and masculinity ebbing and flowing. Because I was raised religious, though don't considering myself religious anymore, I feel like I'm sinning, but I'm doing my best to push that feeling away and remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and god knew me before I was even in the womb...you know....that kind of stuff, because that's what I want to use to explain to my grandmother that I'm not sinning, but it's hard to tell someone you're not doing something when you personally feel like you're doing it?

That being said, I don't feel scared, or generally anxious...I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin and far more confident, which I could be more comfortable and confident if I didn't fail to pass, but T is soon, so -fingers crosses-.

[undautri]

I chose angry, scared and excited.
I'm angry I have to feel this way, I'm scared I'll make a mistake or that my family will hate me when they all find out, and I'm excited because it looks like I'm going to start HRT in the next couple of years.

[Corax]

I went with apathetic but also said angry because there are definitely times where I still feel extremely angry that I was betrayed over a decently functioning cis-male body matching my brain back in my mom's womb.

Thing is, I can't change it anyway so for the most part I have arranged myself with being trans and the possibilities science has to offer for me to become as happy as I can this way. 
It is pretty much apathy caused by powerlessness to change that fact if that makes any sense, if you can't change it, you better accept it eventually, is the train of thought I am on here basically. 

[Julia1996]

Honestly, I feel very cheated. I totally hate having to go through all this crap just to be myself. I hate being trans.

[Megan.]

When I finally reached the conclusion I was Trans* (I fought it a very long time),  I initially felt like I'd been given a terminal diagnosis. I had a wonderful wife,  kids,  nice house,  nice cars,  nice holidays,  good job,  I was worried I'd loose it all,  and I basically have (aside the job).
But I've found myself,  and that has help compensate to some degree for those losses.
Do I wish I was a different person? Never. I value who I am,  and my gender identity is a piece of that puzzle.
TLDR initially I hated the fact I was Trans*,  but now I value it. X

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[rose]

Being trans girl in my country mean
No legal transition
My whole country including (the government , society , religion and family ) consider me a feminine gay guy even tho I have gender dysphoria
It's crime to be feminine gay guy
It's crime to dress as girl
It's crime to date men
It's crime to put make up
Will never change my documents to female even after sex surgery (srs)

I have no chance of living as girl in my country and when I dress as boy I'm always afraid from the police and people

Being trans is curse
Sometimes I wish I was just a gay I can then hide myself
Unlike now no matter how much I try to hide myself I still experience bad stuff

[Megan.]

Mary,  I'm glad you've found Susan's but sad to hear how scared you feel.
I don't know your circumstances or where you live, but I can relate. I lived many years living in what I now know was a totally irrational fear. As I posted elsewhere and as others have commented,  the realisation that 99%, of people in this world really don't care what you do can be a very empowering thing when you can embrace it. Keep strong. X

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[Charlie Nicki]

Initially I was very excited and anxious about the future, wanted to go through everything pretty quickly. But after experiencing heartbreak because of this, I realized it is real, and that I can lose so many things by doing this. Yet an inner voice keeps encouraging me to keep going.

At the moment I'm mostly annoyed and sad that I am going through this. Even annoyed at the fact that I realized what it was. Right now it seems as if not knowing why I felt different and repressing the thoughts was easier. I can't do that anymore.

I'm just hoping I quickly overcome this bump on the road and finish my transition to the point where I will finally be comfortable with myself again, and maybe even proud.


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[Roll]

Initially I was very excited and anxious about the future, wanted to go through everything pretty quickly. But after experiencing heartbreak because of this, I realized it is real, and that I can lose so many things by doing this. Yet an inner voice keeps encouraging me to keep going.

I put scared and excited, because at the moment I'm in line with the initial feelings Charlie mentioned here. Particularly the getting through it quickly part. I know it might not last, but it's pretty good for now. Though I don't really have anything to lose, so there's that. (Which is pretty depressing in and of itself. I've had mention that my 10+ year shut-in stint may prove to be an advantage since it saved me from having entanglements now, but at the same time it was still 10+ years of being a shut-in which isn't exactly a great existence. That may seem like the wrong emoji to use after that sentence, but... whatever, I'm over it!)

[MaryT]

I apologise to MeganJames2, as I removed my original post before realising that she replied to it.  My post described just how scared I am, but when I thought about what I had written, I imagined my late mother's voice telling me to stop whining, so I signed in with the intention of deleting it. 

Thanks for your support Megan, it really does help.

[MollyPants]

It was always a massive disappointment whenever I remembered that I got dealt this hand. It was really crushing for years and years until I managed to get it under control for a about a year before getting back to square one and starting to be who I am.

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