What if this is as good as it gets?

[Jill F]

this is actually a good idea, working out always makes me feel better about myself and makes me feel "manlier" lol maybe cause I feel like I can try and make a change with gaining muscle and my overall well being just feels better after. I think working out, can also help boost your testosterone level, not to sure on how truthful this is, but it does something to you lol

Interesting.  Just before I had my big meltdown, I had recently lost a lot of body fat and had put on 25 pounds of muscle by working construction in my own kitchen over a summer- probably the most muscle mass I'd ever had in my life.  Seems the fluctuations of extra T was basically driving me crazy and somewhat suicidal.  It would make sense that guys thrive on T and girls, umm, don't.  I have not suffered from the debilitating depression nor anxiety that had plagued me from the age of 12 since I went on HRT.

[Edge]

It would make sense that guys thrive on T and girls, umm, don't.  I have not suffered from the debilitating depression nor anxiety that had plagued me from the age of 12 since I went on HRT.

Same except for on T and my unrelated mental condition still applies.

Thanks awilliams, aross, Mr. X, Sebryn, and Ryan.

this is actually a good idea, working out always makes me feel better about myself and makes me feel "manlier" lol maybe cause I feel like I can try and make a change with gaining muscle and my overall well being just feels better after. I think working out, can also help boost your testosterone level, not to sure on how truthful this is, but it does something to you lol

Same. I feel great during and after working out. Also, I agree with the ladies. You look amazing. What kind of work outs do you do?

[Blue Senpai]

this is actually a good idea, working out always makes me feel better about myself and makes me feel "manlier" lol maybe cause I feel like I can try and make a change with gaining muscle and my overall well being just feels better after. I think working out, can also help boost your testosterone level, not to sure on how truthful this is, but it does something to you lol

Well you do get a rush of endorphins after a good workout. I have sort of a problem with anger since I've been pushing back my repressed feelings to be a man for so long that I need to exercise daily to keep them at bay.

[Ryan55]

Same except for on T and my unrelated mental condition still applies.

Thanks awilliams, aross, Mr. X, Sebryn, and Ryan.
Same. I feel great during and after working out. Also, I agree with the ladies. You look amazing. What kind of work outs do you do?

I do more weight training then anything, I might spend around a half hour on cardio and then I do interval weight lifts, I was actually told by the doctor when starting T to do this, since I guess estrogen "lubes" up our muscles lol so to not hurt ourselves while weight lifting on T, doing it by intervals is the best bet and not trying to be the hulk cause we feel stronger lol

[Brandon]

I do more weight training then anything, I might spend around a half hour on cardio and then I do interval weight lifts, I was actually told by the doctor when starting T to do this, since I guess estrogen "lubes" up our muscles lol so to not hurt ourselves while weight lifting on T, doing it by intervals is the best bet and not trying to be the hulk cause we feel stronger lol

I already weight train and have no problms and I'm not on T, over doing it can mess up anyone.

[Brandon]

Your best bet is to lift weights but don't overdue it, Also I un on my threadmill and do my push ups and situps. If you have a jump roap lying around use it.

[Edge]

I have been lifting weights. Is there anything I can do about my waist though? Because it is very much shaped like this ) (.

[Kyler]

My partner's cousin is a "cis" male and VERY much has an hour glass shape. He's not fat at all. That knocked my dysphoria down a decent amount because I had never seen a man shaped like me in person.

I'm another one for working out. I still don't pass sometimes and I'm over 3 years on T. I definitely won't have money for top surgery any time soon... But I finally decided to stop feeling sorry about my body and just progress it the best that I can. I'm super impatient and get kind of self conscious at the gym but I try to ground myself... Just remind yourself that it's the long run that matters.

[Declan.]

I've been on T for nine months and I still can't pass. I know it takes about two years (I think?) for all the changes to happen, but it's hard to be positive about it on days when people look at me and I know they see someone female and/or on days when I can't ignore the fact that my body is female shaped.
What if this is it? What if this is as masculine as I get?
What if it doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how much I build up my shoulders, I'll always be very obviously female shaped?
What if my waist will always be shaped like this ) (?
What if I can never grow facial hair?
What if my arms will always be girly skinny?
What if my face always looks so f-ing feminine?
How can I make it through the next few years unable to fix my chest because it's so expensive and this province is stupid?
What if I can never be taken seriously as who I am?

Some changes happen faster than others. There may have been changes you haven't noticed yet because you're focusing on things that are still the same. It can get depressing comparing yourself to other people. Posting a video might help - maybe your mannerisms are what's keeping you from passing well.

Cisgender men have an hourglass shape sometimes. I know that doesn't help much because there are cisgender men with extra breast tissue as well and that doesn't make many of us stop wanting chest surgery, but I doubt that's why you're not passing.

[Adam (birkin)]

My partner's cousin is a "cis" male and VERY much has an hour glass shape. He's not fat at all. That knocked my dysphoria down a decent amount because I had never seen a man shaped like me in person.

I work with a guy who has a very, very feminine lower body (big hips/butt). And he's almost certainly cisgender.

[Edge]

Thanks guys, but I really REALLY want to fix my f-ing shape. It's so f-ed up.
And yeah, my mannerisms probably also prevent me from passing because I'm too f-ing stupid to know how to act and keep falling into old patterns because that's all I know how to do. Of course, when I ask people about mannerisms they're all like "oh just act like yourself." No $#*! Sherlock. I would if I knew how. Or rather, I would if I knew how to act enough like myself while still being socially acceptable. People see me as this adorable, effeminate guy and I want nothing more than to rip out their intestines and hang them with them.
Sorry for the rant. I feel like swearing up a storm right now.

Also, no, it's not just my mannerism that prevent me from passing. I've been explicitly told that my appearance is effeminate.

[Declan.]

Are the people telling you that you look effeminate wholeheartedly supportive of you? Family and friends made comments about me "looking like a woman" even after I had a beard; it turned out they did have issues deep down with my transition. If you want suggestions, you can feel free to PM me. I'll be honest with you about what I think would help you pass better. I know posting publicly isn't always helpful due to constant reassurance. It may really be a matter of time. I know a trans man who didn't pass as cisgender until he was well into his second year, but he looks more masculine than I ever would have expected now.

[Edge]

Are the people telling you that you look effeminate wholeheartedly supportive of you?

So they say.
I may take you up on PMing you for suggestions if that's ok. As long as the suggestions aren't "wear clothes you don't like" and "cut your hair so you look more like a butch woman and less like a metalhead."

[Adam (birkin)]

I think Declan has a point, sometimes people will say things because they see what they want to see, if you get my drift.

By the way, I'd be happy to give you my honest feedback as well, if you're interested. I know how hard it is to get good feedback, and a lot of people can be afraid to give it because they don't want to be hurtful.

[Edge]

That's a bit of a problem since one of them is my boyfriend.

[Adam (birkin)]

That's a bit of a problem since one of them is my boyfriend.

May I ask his sexual orientation? I'm not saying he sees you as a girl for certain, but yeah.

[Edge]

He's bi. He also does call me his boyfriend.

[Declan.]

So they say.
I may take you up on PMing you for suggestions if that's ok. As long as the suggestions aren't "wear clothes you don't like" and "cut your hair so you look more like a butch woman and less like a metalhead."

Of course. I have long hair myself, actually - cutting it made me pass less, if anything.

[Brandon]

I have been lifting weights. Is there anything I can do about my waist though? Because it is very much shaped like this ) (.

I think as far as your body goes you have to wait till T, I don't really have hour glass figure so I can't say.

[Adam (birkin)]

He's bi. He also does call me his boyfriend.

Oh that's good. I didn't imagine you'd settle for a straight guy lol. But I wanted to ask just in case.