Transgender People Are Not Responsible for Educating You

[Xenguy]

Transgender People Are Not Responsible for Educating You
By Parker Marie Molloy

"....."Most people are just completely ignorant, and have never met or engaged a trans person, and so their misconceptions and misunderstandings are inevitable and not self-evidently a matter of bigotry or prejudice," Sullivan rightly notes. "I think we should be understanding of this, as open as we can be, and answer the kinds of questions some might feel inappropriate or offensive. That's the basis for dialogue, empathy, and progress." There's a problem with that second half, about how trans people should open up and answer the inappropriate questions: It completely ignores the fact that there's already a wealth of information on trans people and their experiences available out there, information you'd already know about if you'd bothered to look."

More: http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/07/10/do_trans_people_have_a_responsibility_to_educate_the_public.html

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Your thoughts on this?

[alabamagirl]

I pretty much agree. I mean, I'll answer dumb questions as long as I don't feel the person asking is trying to be offensive, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have been much more considerate for them to have just done a little research if they wanted to know about trans* issues, instead of asking things that may be uncomfortable/rude/triggery/whatever.

[Xenguy]

I pretty much agree. I mean, I'll answer dumb questions as long as I don't feel the person asking is trying to be offensive, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have been much more considerate for them to have just done a little research if they wanted to know about trans* issues, instead of asking things that may be uncomfortable/rude/triggery/whatever.

Same here, I got asked the most assumptuous and ridiculously triggering questions at my school. At some point, I just got tired and told people to stop being lazy and search it up. I only explained it to those who didn't make assumptions and just legitimately wanted some information over the whole transgender community instead of asking what I was planning to do with my genitals. >.<

[suzifrommd]

Totally, totally, totally disagree. (OK, Suzi. Tell 'em how you really feel...)

If we don't educate cisgender people, NO ONE WILL DO IT. Sure it would be a great world if every human read up on every topic that might impact them or others. Does anyone SERIOUSLY think that would work?

Basically it comes down to this: Either we educate people about us or people will jump to conclusions and make assumptions and make bad policy.

[Olivia P]

If we dont fight to eliminate the misconceptions and misunderstandings about us, who will?

[Adam (birkin)]

For me, there are times when I am glad to educate.

But for me, at least, this is a VERY sensitive topic that brings up years of painful emotions. So it isn't so simple as "let's just educate this person." It brings up things that I am still not fully equipped to deal with emotionally and it often carries over through the rest of my day. So when someone pops up out of nowhere and reminds me of it...well, it is hurtful and puts me in a bad place, mentally. It isn't their fault but that's how it is.

[blink]

We aren't obligated, but if one is reasonably able, it is the most pragmatic thing to do. At a minimum it's a good idea to know some specific resources to recommend, because the major problem with expecting people to look it up from the wealth of information online is that a sizable portion of that is misleading, often harmfully so. If I tell someone to Google it, they could literally end up on some kid's tumblr page going on about how they are a sea cucumber and having tear ducts causes them dysphoria, or on some explicitly anti-trans website that paints it as a sexual fetish rather than a medical condition in need of treatment.

I am not living "out"/do not disclose if it's avoidable, but there are still several people in my life who know I'm trans and I make an ongoing point to educate them when a teachable moment shows up.

I do agree with this: "Questions about one's genitals will always come off as coming from a place of entitlement. To argue that someone should have to answer questions about their personal medical history as a means to educate others is utterly absurd." Laverne Cox is right, all the focus on genitals is a problem. I like the way she handles that kind of question - explains the problem with the question and directs the conversation to more productive/important topics.

[Lonicera]

I generally agree with things Parker Molloy writes and this is no exception. Obviously it's necessary for some people to educate since resources wouldn't exist in the first place without those individuals but I don't think the expectation of education from every trans person displayed by many cis people is legitimate.

Educating people is, as identified in the article, emotionally draining and a form of labour. If somebody wants that labour but doesn't offer some form of compensation, whether emotional (e.g. committing to future support) or material (e.g. money for an educator's time), then I tend to see that as callous and egocentric. Sadly, that seems to be the majority of cases in my entirely personal experience. For me, it's indicative of the fact that many people seem to ask questions because they think it's perfectly reasonable to expect another human being to justify their fundamental existence, they're hiding toxic entitlement behind a façade of innocent exploration. As Molloy says, they are really often demanding and the fact they simply skip basic tact or empathy shows that.

Ultimately, I appreciate some form of investment in education is necessary (and I aim to do that in the future if I'm able or competent) and that some people earn education but I'd like to see a concomitant focus on teaching marginalisers that they have no inherent right to that education from the marginalised.

[dalebert]

Sometimes one's passion motivates one toward activism. I don't think anyone is obligated to be an activist. Everyone has a right to live their lives for themselves as long as they don't harm anyone.

That said, how do you feel about answering such inappropriate questions in more general terms? For instance, if someone is asking about your genitals, maybe just decline to discuss your own and explain how that's inappropriate to ask but maybe speak about the different approaches that various people take and for what reasons.

[blink]

That said, how do you feel about answering such inappropriate questions in more general terms? For instance, if someone is asking about your genitals, maybe just decline to discuss your own and explain how that's inappropriate to ask but maybe speak about the different approaches that various people take and for what reasons.

I think that's a great idea. It's educational, much more so than just answering in the way the asker had in mind.

[peky]

I am all for educating... but as for "the personal" question about having and innie or outie...well, I take in a case-by-case fashion. You can tell those who naively ask the question just out of curiosity, and those who are trying "to have a leg up on you" so to speak. Regardless of the case, I usually tell them that if they want to know they will have to reciprocate and answer a "very personal" question in return. More often than not that puts a break on their curiosity. Some have asked me what kind of "personal" question I have in mind, to which I respond: "of a sexual nature of course," and giggle. So far nobody has taken me in the offer.

Hope my approach would be of use to some of you ! 

OO

Professor Peky

[Vicky]

Peky -- that is exactly the line I take.  I recently was asked by a guy about my "genital surgery" to which I asked him to tell me about his, and told him we most likely had the same exact surgery!!  It was quite a commotion about him NEVER having ANY surgery because of his religious beliefs until I told him I was circumcised the same way he was at age 72hours.  He did not even realize that there is a commandment for males to have "genital surgery" in the Biblical book of Genesis!!   I almost felt sorry for the dope!!

We never go to the subject of GCS!!