I started reading this thread, primarily because I admire people who refuse to make an affirmative declaration regarding gender. I doubt that if we are really honest, that most of us in the trans community are at polar ends of the gender spectrum. I'm a girl/woman mostly, but certainly not entirely. The struggle with balance doesn't exist for me in the way here described. I can be a woman, live, feel, present as such, without abandoning the male identification that works. But I paid the price - sometimes (often times) I weep over that. So I admire you.
Estrogen and testosterone are not narcotics, if you get psychic relief it is not because of chemical dependency, but because of hormonal alignment. That is why we take it. It keeps us balanced. That said, alcoholism and drug dependency are pretty common here. Nero was our latest causality at Susan's, but there have been others.
Kaelin recited the steps. They were written in 1938 and derived from the six steps of the Oxford movement. The founders were Christian, but so what? Appendix two has one of the more profound statements in recovery and I quote.
"Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the "educational variety" because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life, that such a change could hardly have been brought about by him alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions our members and that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience."
Okay think about that. God is a shorthand for spiritual growth. Whatever your idea of psychic/spiritual power is can work. You need not ascribe gender, but you may if you wish. If you were a Christian man in 1938 that would likely be male in nature. For a trans woman in 2014, not so much.
You can be Wicca, Hindu, Christian, Buddhist or nothing at all and that unsuspected inner resource is available, can be tapped into and used to facilitate change. The steps are ego deflating, and internally transforming. Redemption through confession, examination, responsibility, and self sacrifice have been around for millennia. It seems to me that AA/NA works because it combines public support with honesty and growth. At least it has worked that way for me for over twenty-five years. I go to meetings because I love people there. I do service because it reinforces my commitment to the community.
Kinda sounds like Susan's huh. I am here to learn and grow. As a side benefit I have found friends that I love. Even better I can be of service and filled with purpose. A couple weeks ago, this same chorus pondered why we post. For me the short answer is so that I can live; so that the inevitable tension of male/female, yin/yang, masculine/feminine or other dichotomy definition doesn't leave me in shattered pieces once again.
Fair Winds and Smooth Seas,
Julie
