Hi I'm new the the forums so I apologize if I've put this thread in the wrong spot! here we go!
I am 19, a transgender female (born a boy). To wrap this up in a nutshell and make it as easy to understand and read, Ive had that aha moment a few months ago where I finally realized who I really was, most of you have been there done that.
I have been seeing a counselor for anxiety/depression issues and what not, He was the first person/adult I came out to, his reaction was more than supportive and great, I thought he would of treated me like some loon or crazy, it was quiet the opposite, he was very empathetic and understanding. Well with all that said, I come out to my mom a few weeks later, I couldn't wait, i just couldn't, dysphoria was eating me a live. I out to my mom in his office, she was basically dumfound, as if a bunch of bricks hit her. She didn't know what to say, she said nothing really. He tries to explain to her to listen to me, to be there for me and love me, etc, I can't tell you all how much he has urged her to listen to me. Weeks go by, I mention nothing to her. I tell her a week ago how I want to see a doctor for hormones and we have a blow out, a huge blow out. She is telling me how I am a boy, how god made me this way and that way, how I'm her little boy, how she doesn't want me to be a girl, basically giving me the whole denial/guilt/shame run around, every excuse in the book. Everything with her becomes a screaming match, shes like a level 10 as far as emotions running, then when she starts, i get going, and I'm on the level 10 with her, blowing up too, upset and everything. It hurts. It really does. My stepdad is an ex-military chief, big conservative, he seemed more reasonable when I came out to him, he didnt yell and scream he asked stuff and we talked, had a good sit down talk for a while. She continues to say I'm confused. To bring all of you up to current news, My counselor told her that I contacted a special clinic that specializes in trans youth and gender variant youth. 10 seconds after driving away from the counselors office, this is what I hear out of her mouth "if youre living in my house, under my roof and rules, this basically isn't happening". Time after time my counselor has called her to set up an appoint with her and my step dad to talk to him to explain this further, just a meeting with them not me. She keeps skating around it. Today I get a call from the doctor in charge of the Clinic, very wonderful woman, very supportive. She didnt want to make an appoint or force anything on me because of the way my mom is acting. But we talked, she emailed me a release of info forum so her and my counselor can talk, so he has to sign this form as well as me, but I feel this is the first step.
So I left my counselor a message today telling him I have the PDF file of the form, he needs to sign it and what not so I ca get it back to the lady at this clinic. He calls my mom today to set up an appointment with just her and my dad. Im listening by my door and i hear her click off the phone and say very snotty like "whatever". Thats how she is. Once I came out to her, ALL of this became ALL about her, she takes being transgender as a personal threat like I'm targeting her for some reason, its nothing like that. Im the one having to call doctors and worry about insurance, things like that, my future. I could go on and on and on about this, I really could. Im not sure if any of this helps but this is my situation right now in a very tiny nutshell, theres so much more to this. If anyone can help me Id appreciate it, i don't know where to start really I'm just in distress, need people to talk to to further explain this and get some advice and help. I hope this helps sorry its so scattered and long, my mind is just racing trying to remember everything I can that could help. Let me know if anybody needs anymore details and information this is pretty complex much like anyones situation going through this. Much love , Anna
