I think I just went insane..?

[Avinia]

I just had a very weird hour, I sent off an email, and decided to go to bed because it was 12am. Then some how in that hour I went from being terrified about asking my parents about therapy, to wanting to come out asap.

I really do think I just either went insane, or really don't care anymore I guess.

Looking back at it now, I have known I was transgender since I was 12, I just didn't know the word until last year. So I spent 5 years hiding it from my friends and family, and hating myself, going as far as too start harming myself, and consider suicide.

But now, I don't know what just changed. I really don't want to hide this from my parents anymore I guess.

So yeah, think I am going to start planning on how to come out. I am legally considered an adult in about 3 months, but I feel like if I don't do this now, I will never be able to do it. I have technically come out to about 4 people, two of them being close friends last year, and both being amazingly accepting, and the other two being cousins who were pretty much harassing me about my sexuality, they were okay with it but confused I guess.

I have tested with another cousin, who seemed disgusted at the thought of someone feeling like I do, so I cut it off there. My younger brother has pretty much avoided any discussions about LGBT related things, only commenting that it is wrong. My older brother, it seems he doesn't think LGBT stuff is morally right, but he has worked around homosexual guys for the last 4 years technically since he is in the military. I am confused on what he thinks since he seems to go back and forth.

My dad, he has really commented to much from what I have heard, except that he knew a few of my cousins were homosexual long before they came out.

My mom, I find interesting, and I think if I do go through with coming out, I will come out to her first. She has talked A LOT about how Christians are starting to accept homosexual people in my area, and other things. She also, when I was younger, slightly treated me like a girl, I always pulled away in an attempt to hide the feelings. I actually am thinking she "knows" to a degree, since she has left some of her clothes in my room for months at a time, and weird stuff like that.

Also I recall my mom used to watch shows on SRS and other topics related to transgender people. As well as having been really okay with my decision to grow my hair out.

Anyways, do you guys think this is just a stupid, insane idea to be having at the moment? I really am sick of hiding in the shadows, and avoiding people, for such a stupid reason as being.. me. Either way, I am going to start writing in my notebook again I think... if I can find it

[Ms Grace]

I can understand the frustration of people not knowing who you really are, and treating you as a gender that you do not identify, but it sounds like you could find yourself in a potentially hostile environment from your brothers and father. You might have to be prepared to lump some very unaccepting behaviour from them, at least initially. While it can be a relief to get it off your chest what do you feel you will gain from them by them knowing, and are you really likely to get it at this stage?

[katiej]

If you're at the point of self harm, then you're at the point where you need to see a therapist to talk it over.  Is that something you can do on your own?

Grace is right that you need to be prepared for rejection, but sometimes family can surprise you.  I've seen parents make a complete shift in their thinking when it's their kid that comes out of the closet.  But either way they'll probably try to talk you out of it...at least at first.

Good luck!  And do keep us updated.

[LizMarie]

My first advice to legal minors is always choose safety first. If you're unsure about your parents and might get thrown out, then don't come out.

However, if you are at the point of self-harm, that overrides the first consideration. You have to get help now. Not someday. Now. If you are having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self-harm, don't rationalize this away. Get help, either with or without your parent's knowledge and consent, but get help ASAP.

[Avinia]

I would think that my parents would completely reject me and kick me out of the house, but I just took a step back and thought about it. My parents practically raised my neighbor because his dad was pretty much insane, and they had to deal with my sister for so many years, and are still dealing with her.

But, I am now torn on if this is the right time or not. I was going to tell my mom this morning, but then I got the news that my sister-in-law's father committed suicide yesterday... Now I feel like my parents would really take me seriously, but at the same time they are going to be a bit stressed out over this.

It is still scary though, if I do decide to come out now.. how do I bring it up? I spent a lot of time last night trying to decide how to bring it up.. didn't find any answers.

[Jill F]

Hi,

This is the perfect time to tell them something is up.   Since a suicide just hit close to home, admitting that you've had these feelings as well will resonate with maximum strength.  Tell them you feel like hurting yourself.  Whether you tell them why at this point, it's up to your judgement, but the important thing is that they get on board with you talking to a professional right away.  You can tell the therapist your whole story, and they might actually be helpful with your coming out strategy.

Big hugs,
Jill

[Avinia]

Thanks for the replies.

I once again tried to at least ask for therapy today, my plan was to wait until my dad and brother were gone at b->-bleeped-<-ipes. Well, instead I ended up having to entertain some friends I hadn't seen since before I decided to start growing out my hair(so like.. at least a year ago?). I did get a bit uncomfortable when I found out how they see gay people..

Anyways, I guess it gives me more time to think about this.. probably the last thing I should be doing is over thinking it though. I did get around to reading an email from my friend, and I found out she is actually planning on coming out to her parents about her sexuality on Oct 11th, so it is nice to have someone in a similar situation .. I guess.

[ElDudette]

I did get around to reading an email from my friend, and I found out she is actually planning on coming out to her parents about her sexuality on Oct 11th, so it is nice to have someone in a similar situation .. I guess.

I use the phrase "grim comfort"

I don't like seeing people go through hardship, but at the same time it's a comfort to know that I'm not alone.

[Avinia]

Tested the waters a bit today after being stuck in traffic for a few hours(guess that made me comfortable enough to talk about stuff).

Brought up that new Amazon Prime series called Transparent, my dad had a slightly weird reaction and asked me to repeat what I said about it being a show with a transgender character. Then my mom went into how some religions accept people like that nowadays.. then changed the conversation. I did find out that my mom has gay friends though.

Other than that, I guess I am still back at where I started with this post. My mom seems like she will be a bit faster to know I am serious, and my dad and brothers will be slower to understand it. All together, I guess I have decided that this will just take time.

Think when I do find a time which feels right to me for coming out, I will go with what I planned, come out to my mom and dad alone, answer some of their questions, then leave them with some resources and time to think.

[SorchaC]

I'd say likely you mum knows or at least thinks she knows The comments about accepting gays lead me to believe she thinks you're gay and maybe the clothes are her wishing you were her daughter. Nobody will know until you tell her.

Everyone else is right though, If you are considering self harm it's time to get some help be that with or without your parents. Being trans is hard enough without adding other issues so for your own peace of mind get some helpand then involve your parents when you feel able

Hugs

Sorcha 

[Avinia]

It really is amazing how many things can prevent me from coming out.. I was at least going to ask to see a therapist today, and once again something got in my way, my brother called because he doesn't know how to comfort his wife I guess. So now my parents are stressed about that.

New goal, come out by Thanksgiving, since I guess that goal is more achievable.

Cool thing though, one of my friends emailed me with suggestions about where to shop when I do eventually start to transition.

So at least I can start planning a bit, so I don't end up coming out and having to tell my parents I am completely clueless on what to do next besides see a gender therapist..

[katiej]

My mom seems like she will be a bit faster to know I am serious, and my dad and brothers will be slower to understand it. All together, I guess I have decided that this will just take time.

From what I can tell, this is pretty standard.  Dads just take longer to adapt to the change.


BTW, when you finally do come out, I recommend asking your parents to read a short book called "Mom, I Need to be a Girl" written by the mother of a transgender teen.  It'll answer a lot of their questions and give them an example of a mother that handled it pretty well.  Here's a free PDF  http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

[Avinia]

Well, guess I am aiming to come out on Saturday, since I am a bit more comfortable with that idea, and also my family just seems to be too busy the next 2 weeks.