What really doesn't help me is that I'm rather confused and undecided about the whole dating thing. Having virtually no experience means I can't be certain of what I want to achieve and inexperience tends to put other people off like you've got some kind of disease. I've also felt like dating requires a whole different mindset that I don't have. This doesn't mean I don't want commitment, rather the opposite - I just want a good friend. If it evolves into a more stereotypical dating situation from there then I'll roll with it. I am never comfortable-enough around anyone unless I know them well and am a friend first. People trying to flirt with me just make me cringe. Unfortunately most people have a pre-defined notion and instinct of how dating should occur and partnerships should form and I don't fit the pattern.
That said, I actually do believe I'm worth dating. I'm simply dealing with a narrower slice of the pie, particularly because I'm trans. Dating is the last thing on my mind right now though because I'm mid-transition. I can't expect anyone to be so purely drawn to my character and interests that they would not end up in a different state of mind when my physical transition is complete. I haven't even decided for sure if I will have GRS, and this could greatly affect a partner's attraction or sexual satisfaction. I'm also uncertain of exactly how people would engage with me sexually and to enough of their satisfaction - I don't want to be confusing/confused or be a lot of work for them to figure out. Having a penis is screwing with my mind because I have no idea if a cis lesbian would want to have anything to do with me pre-GRS. If I must find queer women I have no idea how to go about it and then I may be compromising what I seek as character just so my partner is sexually compatible. Sex is very low on my list of priorities but I still have to be considerate of my partner's needs and motivations.
Back to the original question directly, I'm not interested in 'selling' myself to people. My challenge is finding potential partners that already know how to interact with me as a friend because our natures match. Most of the stress I felt about the prospect of dating evaporated once I realized that much of the population is not compatible with me and that this isn't my 'fault'. Forcing the issue with the wrong people wouldn't help anything. You won't see me trying to hook-up in a bar or use dating services because the personality I have to meet would never feel comfortable doing it that way either. There are plenty-enough happily-attached transpeople in the world to make it statistically impossible I won't find a partner who sees my value. Being trans complicates it but this is not really the core issue. Most people mis-read all my signals and think I'm insecure or lack confidence. The right person will know instinctively that this isn't true and far from it.
I am worth dating because:
- I'm not going to use a partner to fill personal voids with respect to emotional/mental security, finances, family ties, etc.
- I am completely comfortable and at peace with myself, even if I haven't figured all of it out yet.
- I'm not alone in this world in the way I think, less common perhaps but not unique.
- I have a lot to offer to the right person.
- I'm medically-certified as high-functioning, in perfect health, and, more importantly, sane!
