I hope that the following can offer a degree of insight.
On some level, I can empathize as to struggling with attraction to your partner. I identify as heterosexual (attracted to men), but the reality is that I am not wholly attracted to anyone. My sexuality is very splintered, for lack of a better definition, and it is something I have struggled with throughout my life. I am not asexual, I am absolutely a sexual person, but my sexuality isolates what it's attracted to from either gender.
**Skip this bit if you don't want to know the details of what I described above.**
For example, with males, I am attracted to penises, the upper body, and height, but feel indifferent towards legs, voice, and the face -- unless the voice or face is particularly off putting or attractive (this includes hair). With females, I am attracted to legs and voices, but I feel indifferent towards the upper body and vaginas. Regarding female faces, I am attracted to the median range of looks, but feel complete indifference towards very off putting faces (as in, no sense of repulsion) and seem to lump very attractive faces in with moderately attractive faces. I find female size extremely off putting, however, where I have no such equivalent with males.
So what does this mean for me? Essentially, it means that as soon as I feel attraction to anyone, it is almost immediately dispelled by the sections of indifference. It can be extremely frustrating, considering that I do have a desire to fulfill sexual needs. The only coping mechanism I have found is to base my romantic engagements on emotion. While I am capable of this with either men or women, I do find it a bit easier to be romantically involved with males; it could be that their masculinity makes me feel more feminine by contrast (which is important to me), or it could simply be that I like the typical, culturally defined exchange between male and female (I know -- how superficial of me).
**End ramble.**
I do have a boyfriend. I adore him. He means the world to me. Did I have concerns about sexuality at first? I did, of course, but I managed to be at peace with myself by accepting the overall investment. Still, it may be a bit easier for me since I do have little bits and pieces in my sexuality that I can apply to my partner. As an individual who this issue is forced on, it could be difficult for me to empathize with someone who does have the option to be with a wholly attractive person. If I come off that way, I am very sorry. My aim was to impart my coping mechanism to you, in the event that you wanted to try and make an effort with your partner, regardless of your sexuality.
Also, as a random note, I have heard that HRT some times makes a person's sexuality more fluid. It certainly made me feel more indifferent and less bothered by my not so favored body parts on either gender. If you aren't yet on HRT, you may find that it could help with your situation and allow you to focus more on your emotions. Whatever it is you decide to do, I hope you find happiness with it. Good luck!
Unrelated: time to change my signature to "Why do I always write such incredibly long posts?"
