I thought this would be fun.
The basic premise is, what would happen if I was able to talk to myself at various ages, and tell them the shocking news that one day they'd grow up into a woman? What would their reaction have been? Well, sit back and enjoy!
AGE 6:Me: "You're going to be a woman when you grow up."
Old me: "Wow! So do I meet a wizard when I grow up? And he takes me off to his magic castle and casts a spell on me, and it turns me into a girl like in that one story I made up?"
Me: "Uh........"
AGE 10:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "No I'm not. I'm a boy."
AGE 13:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "Really?"
Me: "Yep. You know how you're afraid of your voice changing right now? And how you hate all of the body hair that's growing? And how you're starting to be jealous of girls for a reason you really can't understand? Guess what? You're transgender. You're not a freak. There's other people like you. It's okay. And no matter how much people tease you for being effeminate, no matter how many times they make fun of you for singing soprano, wearing short-shorts, singing along to the Backstreet Boys and the A*Teens, just remember, it's okay. You're just being you."
Old me: "Wow. So how do I make them stop?"
Me: "You can't. There's a lot of ignorant people in this world. You just have to accept that you can't please everyone."
Old me: (starts crying) "But it's so not fair!"
Me: "I know it isn't. But that's life."
Old me: "So when do I become a girl?"
Me: "About fifteen years from now. You know how you're starting to be uncomfortable with your body now? It never stops. It only gets worse. Your voice will change, then you'll start getting male muscles, more body hair, you'll have to start shaving, you'll start looking more and more like a man every single year, and you'll hate every single minute of it. But that won't be enough. You care too much about what other people think about you. So it will take you years and years of denial, of trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, before you finally realize you'll never be happy as a man."
Old me: "That long?"
Me: "Yes."
Old me: "But why?"
Me: "Because you're still too embarrassed to even walk through the women's section at Dillard's with your mom, that's why. How the hell do you think you'd be able to handle every single kid in the school actually laughing at you if you can't even handle the imaginary kids in a store laughing at you?"
AGE 17:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "I am? Oh dear God, thank you, thank you! You're going to answer my prayers! I'm so happy! Finally, no more of those stupid erections, and no more being treated like some stupid emotionally-stoic wooden post, and no more body hair, and I can finally be pretty, and finally smile, and finally actually be able to talk to people again!"
Me: (smiles) "Yep. Something like that."
AGE 20:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "I am!!? But how is that possible?"
Me: "Take a look at me. I'm you. This is what you'll look like 8 years from now."
Old me: "But how? Just look at me! I'm so big! And I'm going bald, and my voice is changed, and I'm covered in hair. How could I possibly be you?"
Me: "Estrogen's a hell of a drug."
AGE 23:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "No I am NOT! I am a man of God! And God saved me from that unholy desire!"
Me: "Nope. You're a woman. You see me? I'm you from the future."
Old me: "No you're not! You are a temptation from the Devil trying to get me to stray from the straight and narrow path! And I say to you, miss devil, "No temptation has seized you but what is common to man..." (Continues quoting 1 Corinthians 10:13 and John 16:24)"
Me: (smacks forehead) "Oh God, here we go again..."
(Old me continues quoting scripture)
Me: "You're not fooling anyone, you know. You think God is stupid? You think he doesn't see you putting water-balloons in your shirt at night, and sleeping with your girlfriend while you're wishing that you were her, and spanking off to amputees and castration fiction? Why are you cherry-picking wishing that you were a girl as the one sin that you have to be rid of at all costs?"
Old me: "NO! I know those things are wrong too, but I can't help it, I'm trying! I pray every day to be rid of those satanic temptations. And Lord, I pray that you will come into my spiritual garden and pluck these choking vine temptations out by the roots and throw them in the fire..."
Me: (*sighs*) "You're just going to do them all over again two days from now."
Old me: "No I'm NOT!!! I swear it will be different this time! Please, God, please, remove these temptations from me! Please! I'm sorry for being a failure as a son. I promise it will be different this time. Please." (tears start coming out) "Please!" (breaks down crying)
Me: (gives myself a hug) "It's okay..."
AGE 25:Me: "You're going to grow up into a woman."
Old me: "What? But I thought we decided that I didn't need to be a girl? I thought I was just going to be happy as a guy who wears panties and short-shorts, acts effeminate, shaves everything, and shamelessly sings cheesy 90s pop songs?"
Me: "Nope. It doesn't work. You'll still be miserable as a guy."
Old me: "F***." (bangs hand on desk)
AGE 27:Me: "I'm what you'll look like once hormones are done."
Old me: "Wow, I get to be YOU? Really? Oh my God, if I could be you, my life would seriously be complete."
Me: "Well, it doesn't quite work that way. I mean, yeah, I'm passing, but I still have a hard time accepting myself."
Old me: "What are you talking about? How can you not accept yourself? Look at you! You're a girl! Oh my God, I can't believe I really am going to make it! This is the best thing ever!"
Me: (*sighs*) "Whatever."
