It's both social and internal.
I'm both angry and depressed that my body isn't what it should be. I hate my chest, my hips, my voice when it goes up high, my genitals and reproductive system, etc. I tried to accept what I have in my pants, but since T, that's gone out of the window and I feel disconnected from those parts again (except for my penis but I'm still mad that it's not a cis male penis). I have started considering bottom surgery and thinking that I could be happy with that if it turned out well, even a phalloplasty. This is somewhat surprising to me since I was set against it for awhile. I'm feeling more and more that I want all those female organs out of me. They're useless to me, anyway, since I never want to get pregnant (how horrifying!) or go off T. There's also the insecurity over it because of what I'm not able to offer to any potential sexual partners. I want to be the top, but using a strap-on seems like a cheap trade-off since I can't feel it. So I am starting to consider phalloplasty more...
Socially, I hate getting called female pronouns and being reminded in any way that I have a female body. It makes me angry. I try not to get mad at people because of it. I hide how I feel about it, but it hurts. Thankfully this will be stopping because of T! A stranger on the bus called me he yesterday and I know it's a little thing but I was so happy because of it.
So, basically, I experience dysphoria as anger, depression, disconnect, self-hatred and insecurity.
