*I am posting in this forum because I figure it will get more views/responses
*I should preface my post by saying that, overall, life is good. I love where I have gone, but feel as though the journey is not yet complete. I feel obliged to preface my post with something like this because it is too often that we come to this site and see sad stories, cases of depression, etc.
*Thank you to everyone who contributes to this forum... I try to give back to the community local to me and here when I can however I feel I take too much... more than I often give...
now, on to it...
It has been exactly one year and five months since I had FFS with a well known North Eastern US Dr. I went for the whole thing, brow ridge, hair line, forehead recontouring, rhinoplasty, chin work, jaw work, and tracheal shave. This was a very expensive procedure... a lot of work was done. I went in with vain intentions. I already "passed" and I just wanted to look "more beautiful." Now that time has passed... I am conflicted on how I feel.
First of all, my rhinoplasty was a complete failure. I cannot breath out of my right nostril (well, kinda sorta, if I pull on my cheek and depending on how I sleep at night) and the cartiledge part (the bottom part) is crooked; it points down and left whereas the bone structure above it is straight. I will need to get this problem taken care of as it is very frustrating to not be able to fully breath out of my nose.
Secondly, my forehead. I have small bumps around the brow ridge and what not... doesn't seem like he did too good a job.
What also really concerns me is the scar at the hairline. It is still visible. Visible enough for me to feel self conscious when my friends play with my hair... enough that i have not gone to get a hair cut/style done in the last two years... the scars are visible and I don't want to deal with it...
The tracheal shave went A-OK
I guess the chin could have had more work done to it but it is what I needed worked on most pre op, to be honest. No real complaints there, sensation returned etc.
Jawline... if I could go back in time and opt out of this procedure, I would. I find my face somewhat unbalanced, like I kinda look like the mask from the movie series "Scream." Opting for this is obviously my fault, and I am not as upset with the look as the feel: inside my mouth where the Dr. made the incisions there is a "hole" in my gum between my cheek and the teeth. Sometimes it hurts when brushing. I haven't been to a dentist in a while but what am I supposed to tell them when I do go? "Ya I had a cosmetic procedure done" just seems like something else to deal with.
The sensation on my head has returned but... it feels weird. My forehead feels "tight"... especially near the right eye. Weird to explain.
And then the whole ordeal of surgery really creeps me out in retrospect. The Dr. had another Dr, in training with him during my consult and during the surgery. I am afraid that the Dr in training did most of the work and not the one I went to initially. Could this be possible, or am I just being paranoid? Maybe he was inexperienced and this is a cause of my nose? I feel, deep inside, that I was swindled and I regret taking money from my family for this ...
I don't know who to talk to right now. I am in my early 20s, transitioned in my late teens. None of my friends know of my past so I can't speak with them. My mother thinks I am crazy. My father doesn't know the extent of my surgeries. I am reaching out to the community because I feel as though other people have experienced what it is I am going through.
I would share a picture but I would like to remain anonymous... maybe something just of my hair line?
My question to you all of course is... what would you do? I am going to see a more local (to me) surgeon with experience for my nose, I do not trust going back and having the same mistakes repeated...
Thank you all for taking the time to read my long post. I would love to hear your suggestions either in this thread or in a personal message... I should also say that life for me is generally good and I hope you don't feel "sorry" for me... just that I am getting a lot of anxiety right now. Maybe I have other issues? I also had SRS and although I am mostly happy that procedure its self wasn't 100% either... scars from there too are pretty bad, maybe its just me?
Sorry again for littering this forum with yet another negative post! I''ll give back one day in spades, oh lord I promise!
