Atheist jokes

[dalebert]

[suzifrommd]

I like this for a lot of reasons. First, I've always thought that the Santa Claus myth was "practice" for getting kids to believe in God. They are encouraged not to question stories and that seem ridiculous and pure fantasy. Second, I've always thought the "God answers all prayers" meme was an embarrassment to Christianity. It's even more absurd than the concept of God, but it's so comforting (if you're willing to suspend disbelief) that Christians can't bring themselves to disavow it.

[dalebert]

Butter than nothing

[Felix]

I actually googled "how many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb" because there are lightbulb jokes about everything and I figured there would be atheist ones. Here's the answers from the first page I clicked on -

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.

None. Lightbulbs don't exist.

None. Atheists are already 'bright' enough on their own.

Two. One to screw it in and one to try to convince the theist that, despite what it says in a 2000-year-old storybook, in the real world you actually have to turn the bulb clockwise.

One, but he'll never be able to fill the dark, gaping hole left in the ceiling until he converts.

[Arch]

One, but he won't see the light until he actually BELIEVES in it.

[dalebert]

H.M.A.D.I.T.T.S.I.A.L.B.

Two. It would have to be a really big light bulb for them to fit in there, but at least they're not afraid of going to Hell for it.

Inspired by "How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb."

Two, but how do you get them in there?

[ReubenIsTheName]

I actually googled "how many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb" because there are lightbulb jokes about everything and I figured there would be atheist ones. Here's the answers from the first page I clicked on -

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.

Being an atheist, that one was probably my favorite. 

[Mumei]

This is a great opening line by Stewart Lee