Small-town FTM desperately needing advice

[jamesdoran]

I'm a 21 year old transman living in a very small town (Cookeville, TN). I am about two weeks away from my first testosterone shot.
I have come out to my partner and my friends several months ago, but I am not out to my family or my work yet.

I am not very worried about my family. It's not that I think they'll be supportive, but I do have a plan, and I am not reliant on them financially, so there's not too much to freak out about.

Work is another story, however. I work for a small phone company doing tech support for phone, television, and internet. I have been with this company for a year. I have dressed as male the whole time I have been here...my coworkers are used to seeing me come in wearing slacks, a button-up, and a tie. But they know me as female and by my given female name.

One thing I need to note here is that I'm hired through a staffing agency. Even though I've been there a year, I've not been hired on. This isn't personal; they just don't hire anyone on. They keep everyone as a temp so that they don't have to pay more (yes, I know that's illegal).

Anyway, since I'm hired as a temp, I really don't know what kind of rights or protections, if any, I have. But I know since I am starting T, I will have to come out soon. Also, take into account the fact that I do live in rural Tennessee...people here are very close-minded as a general rule of thumb. Should I try to contact the staffing agency to find out what kind of protections they offer, or maybe talk to their HR? Or should I talk to the phone company's HR? I just really don't need to lose my job. Does anyone have any advice?

[Jessica Merriman]

I would ask the staffing company if they have any other positions if it becomes a problem with the phone company. See if they can work with you in the event something happens. Communication is the key. Good luck. 

[mrs izzy]

I agree with Jessica talk with the staffing agency. That is who you really work for.

Just remember there are so many new changes in the law and coming for us.

If the ENDA ever passes and is not changed or watered down it will have huge effects on our rights.

Hang in. Maybe it would be a good idea to have all your name changes and stuff done before the big outing.

Once you are a legal name and if you can also get the gender done they have to accept your name with out pre judgement.

[Roy]

Congrats on starting T in a few weeks, Kade!

I'm not sure whether you would want to come out at work right now even if you weren't going to start T, but you may not need to come out just because of the effects of T. At least not for the first 3-4 months and possibly longer — even if your voice starts to get deeper and you start looking a little more masculine.

It's not that changes on T are slow—even though sometimes they are—it's that the changes are gradual enough that if someone sees you every day, it'll take them a while to notice that anything out of the ordinary has happened. It's really pretty incredible the sort of things folks will ignore, too. When I started binding years ago, no one said a thing other than "Hey, did you lose weight?" I've been on T for 4 months and I still haven't gotten any comments about my transition from doctors don't know I'm transitioning or other people I know, other than the occasional "Have you been sick?" because of my voice. Yet perfect strangers regularly call me "Sir".

So, if being seen as female at work doesn't make you want to jump out of your skin, you could probably continue to work there without coming out as a guy. Any changes short of a very nice and luxurious beard could probably be shrugged off as getting older and growing out of the "babyfaced" look everyone has when they're younger.

Unfortunately, TN doesn't have any laws on the books prohibiting employers from discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, so you'll have to rely on the policies the staffing agency has in place. And I agree with the previous posters re: talking to the staffing agency first, rather than the phone company.

Is the staffing agency a national one (Adecco, Manpower) or a smaller regional one? If it's a national one, I suggest getting in touch with their main office to talk with them about their policies re: gender transition on the job. Heck, even if it's a Tennessee-based company, if they have a main office in Nashville then those folks are probably the ones you want to talk to. That way it can be somewhat anonymous (at first) and you'll know exactly what the company's official stance is before talking to your local office.

(All the big cities in TN do have anti-discrimination laws that cover transgender folks, btw. Just in case you're thinking of moving somewhere less rural someday.)

Good luck!

[jamesdoran]

Thank you all for the replies.

The company is called HG Staffing. From what I can tell, it's a state-level staffing agency. I can't find a website or even a phone number for them, though, so I feel like I will probably end up having to go up there in person at some point.

The thing about asking for another position is that this place hires specifically for where I work, so I'm not sure that's an option...

I didn't really think about the fact that I don't have to come out. It does bother me to be misgendered at work but it's something I can deal with for now until I come up with a game plan.

I'm planning on changing my legal name soon. As for my gender, TN will not allow me to change my gender listed on my birth certificate. I can change the sex on my driver's license, but only after I get surgery...I feel like that is a little ways away.

[LordKAT]

A temp agency with only one client isn't likely. They may do the staffing for many companies even if they are the only one doing it for the phone company. It would be worth inquiring.

[Felix]

Roy gave great answers, but I'll try to add what I can think of.

You can call and inquire anonymously about gender protections with your company. That doesn't usually reveal more than vaguely-worded policy, but it might help you get a better feel for the rules you're working with.

My experience is that even in viciously-transphobic situations, bureaucracy can be an excellent tool. Ask questions about what you are allowed to do and what kind of work environment you can expect, and document everything they say along with names and dates. Their default will probably be to say that you will receive equal treatment with anyone else who can competently do your job. You can quote them on that if you need to later. If they insist that you have no protections, you need to decide where and when and how much to fight that. Keep in mind that this is a legal grey area in most contexts, and you often have as much power as they do to argue the details. Your employment means a lot to you, but their fear of bad press or legal sanctions is just as big to them.

Alternatively, and maybe more realistically, you could just change your info and tell your coworkers your new name and accept whatever reaction you get. Sometimes just riding it out is enough.

[james-felix]

That's a really tough spot to be in. Keep in mind that you have a few months grace period on T before it will be noticeable.

Unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can do to avoid risking your job's discrimination. When I came out, I saved up for a few months first so I wouldn't be completely screwed if I got fired. Now that I'm out, things are a little tense at work, but I'm not worried about losing my job - but I am planning on finding a new one one I'm being read 100% as male.

Good luck!