I need Advice (and probably alot of it)

[Draconisister]

I've known I was a girl since I was very young and in my senior year of high school when I was 18 I finally came out. I had posted a very long letter explaining things and my feelings on Facebook. This was probably not the best way for me to come out but it happened. The responses were mixed a few people stopped talking to me but I also ended up getting closer to others. My family however had a horrible reaction, my bother wrote a reply going on about how I was dead to him and other horrible things, My parents forced me to remove the post and threatened to kick me out and stop supporting me at which point I just dove right back in to the closet changing nothing. This was about 5 years ago and i really need to make changes in my life. I would love to begin transitioning but I have no Idea where to begin.  becasue of this i have been fighting depression and really low self esteem to top it off I also have really bad social anxiety to the point where I'm constantly afraid of people and what they think about me. I always feel like I'm always doing something wrong and if I ever go out in any of my female clothes (from my verry very small collection) people will know I'm not girl and something horrible will happen. Please help me, Point me in the right direction so i can start to change and become happy.

[jamesdoran]

First of all- do you still live with your parents? If you do, or if you are financially dependent on them, it will be a little bit more difficult, unfortunately.

Regardless of whether you live with your parents or not, the first thing I'd suggest is to see an LGBT friendly therapist.
Depending on where you live, this could be the best way to start transitioning (get a letter for hormones, etc) but even if you aren't planning on transitioning, being able to talk to a professional is going to be very helpful for you. They can help you sort through your feelings and come up with a game plan for what you'd like to do. They can also offer advice for your family.

[Rachel]

Welcome to Susan's and hugs.

The first step is to see a gender therapist. If your parents ask it is for depression which is the truth. Be honest with the therapist and tell everything. When the therapist can sort out who you are then the next steps may be available (HRT).

What you described of yourself applies to a lot of us so you are in good company. One thing though, if you see the therapist and work on your issues and go on HRT what you described will get better and perhaps you will get a good measure of relief from what you described. It takes time and a lot of hard work.

[Jessica Merriman]

I definitely second the gender Therapist! Mine has been totally invaluable to my success. I could not have done it near as well without another non biased view on some of my ideas. Some of my plan was good, but some was not and their prospective helped a lot.

You do not have anything to be ashamed or guilty about, period, so give that up right now. None of us know why we are like this with the insatiable urge to transition, but it drives us somehow. Best thing you can do I accept you cannot change it and it gets harder to fight every year of your life until dealt with. If you look at it this way we are some of the most honest people on the planet because we do not suppress ourselves and live lies based on societies expectations. Most of the public does in one way or another. Anytime something is bothering you or you just need to talk, please come here. Someone is always available to help out.

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[Draconisister]

I am renting the apartment above my parents garage trying to save money to get back in to school.
My mom Is at least open to talk it which is good because I'm still covered under her insurance. I have looked for a therapist in my area but I've had trouble finding one my anxiety also makes this hard because even if I find one I'm afraid to call and make an appointment because I fear they will refuse to help me and just tell me I'm wrong about myself.I'm not even sure how to bring this up with a therapist if i can find one I'm very bad with people and talking to new people normally puts me on the verge of a panic attack.

[Jessica Merriman]

Girl we have all been there.  Besides accepting ourselves and knowing we have to do something about it making that first call was hard. The thing I have found in my journey is that I built things way to high in my head. When it came to the actual call and experiences it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Even coming out to friends and family was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, there are some who will give you a hard time and you may lose some family and friends, but the payoff for living as the true you is so very worth it. I can't count the number of ways my life has changed for the better. 

[mrs izzy]

Another Welcome to Susan's Draconisister,

It is hard trying to make the contacts and go out and talk to some stranger but it is what you need to do.

They only care to help you if you can be honest with how you feel.

So as many say keep the Gender Therapist search going.

Always we are here to help along with many threads that can be read.

Again welcome to the family

[Rachel]

You can call a local woman's therapy center, Large University Psychology Department or LGBT center and ask for names and numbers of gender therapists.   Another way is to go online at Psychology Today and check off a gender therapist in you area and takes your Mom's insurance. Also, go in reverse and call an endo's office and ask for a reference for a gender therapist. Also, call a Hospitals Social Work department and ask for a few names and numbers. One afternoon and you should have 10 people to call.

[jamesdoran]

I totally know how you feel about the therapist thing...when I started to see my gender therapist I felt, like you, that they would tell me that I didn't know what I was talking about....
I felt like I wasn't "trans enough" if that makes sense.
But talking to my therapist resolved a lot of these feelings and helped a huge amount.
If you haven't found one yet, keep searching! You will eventually find someone who works for you.
One thing you may want to consider is using a therapist who does Skype sessions. I did all of my therapy from home in this way and it was good for my anxiety because it meant I didn't have to leave the house.

[Draconisister]

I did't even know any of them did skype sessions. How do you recommend find a Therapist? I found 2 on Psychology Today that handle transsexual issues should i email them? what questions should I ask to find out if they can actually help me?

[jamesdoran]

I would just start by doing a google search for "gender therapists near ____" (wherever you live). If you found some in Psychology Today, that may be an option if they are located close to you. If not, there is sure to be someone who specializes in these issues who isn't too far from you. I live in a small town, so the nearest one was about an hour from me. That's when I did some research and discovered my therapist who does Skype. You actually have to be certified to do therapy this way, so it's pretty cool.

Another thing is that you don't necessarily have to find someone who specifically treats gender issues. Sometimes a general therapist can be good for these types of things. The only thing to be cautious of is that you will want to find someone who is LGBT friendly!

As far as questions...I asked my therapist what her qualifications are, how long most people are in therapy before she writes letters, what made her interested in trans issues, etc.

I found a link on choosing a therapist including a whole list of questions to ask...hope this will help!
http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/therapy.html

[mrs izzy]

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2083.msg16115.html#msg16115

Can check here.

Not sure where you live.

Need to refine your search sometimes

[Draconisister]

my mom had this to say about our insurance -  Diagnosis has to be something more general until 2015, when it is no longer against the law for federal employees health insurance to pay for gender counseling.

I have only found 1 who is part of the insurance network who has any (at least) listed experience with trans issues. I live about 45 mins out side of Grand rapids MI maybe I'm doing this whole search thing wrong I would have thought there were more in the GR area.

Every time I think about talking to someone about this i just keep freaking out alot thinking they wont believe me or something else will go horribly wrong

[mrs izzy]

Found these for
Michigan

Ann Arbor

University of Michigan Health System
Comprehensive Gender Services Program
(300 N. Ingalls
Room NI4D21
Ann Arbor, MI 48109-0475
(734) 763-0466 (office)
(734) 615-7772 (fax)
um-cgsp@umich.edu
http://www.med.umich.edu/transgender

Sandra Samons, Ph.D., D.C.S.W.
Homestead Counseling Center
1480 Shevchenko Drive
Ann Arbor, MI 48103-9001
(734) 663-7871
slsamons@umich.edu

Bay City

Rachel Prenzler, LMSW
MPA Group
1217 S. Euclid Ave.
Bay City, MI 48706
(989) 667-9661 ext. 238

Brownston

Robin Sexton, MA, LPC
Robin's Resources Inc.
21400 Dix-Toledo Hwy. #453
Brownstown, MI 481838
(734) 525-9675
robinesexton@gmail.com
"UNIQUELY QUALIFIED" in education and experience. Post graduate research specific to transgender/transsexual issues. Virtually a lifetime of experience. Sliding fee scale. Hormone and surgery letters. No nonsense counseling and resource information.

Detroit

Deborah R. Donison, Ph.D.
18091 Muirland
Detroit, MI 48221
(313) 862-3597
Fax: (313) 862-5852
donipanf@ameritach.net

Freeland

Rachel Prenzler, LMSW
Kneaded Thoughts
10344 Thor Dr. Suite A
Freeland, MI 48623
(989) 573-8225

Livonia

Lee Padula, Ph.D.
37677 Professional Center Dr.,Suite 110
Livonia MI  48154
(313) 953-3333   

Rochester Hills

Don Sidelinker, Ph.D., LPC
Sideline Counseling
2687 Skylark
Rochester Hills, MI 48309
(248) 844-9249
docftm60@sbcglobal.net

Southfield

Lyda/Hunt Institutes Of Intensive Psychotherapy
20905 Greenfield Road, Suite 508
Southfield, MI 48075
(810) 443-0005
Marjorie A. Lyda, D.D., A.C.S.W., Nancy J. Hunt, M.A., M.S.W.

Trenton

Paulette Niemiec, M.A.,L.L.P.C.
C/O St. Phillip Lutheran Church
1790 Fort St.
Trenton, MI 48183
(734) 578-4812
www.paulette63.weebly.com
I specialize in L.G.B.T. issues, especially transgender. I have the ability to write letters for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and provided individual, family and relationship counseling/therapy.

[Draconisister]

Every one of those is more than a 2 hour drive and that is some thing i cant really do plus I don't think any of them are part of our insurance network.

[jamesdoran]

It sucks, but most insurance isn't going to cover GID (Gender Identity Disorder).
I pay out of pocket for all of my expenses, but for me, it's required for my mental health and overall well-being. The money is something that I've chosen to sacrifice to become who I'm supposed to be on the outside.

And you may have to do a bit of a drive. A lot of the times, there's just not a good solution for the location thing. I do encourage you to do some more research, because I imagine that there are resources for you out there, just waiting to be found.

Honestly, it just depends on how much you want/need to talk to someone, it's up to you to decide what sacrifices you want to make to get there. You may find that just getting a regular therapist who is LGBT friendly is your best option right now, if you are unable to obtain a specifically gender-issues therapist.

I do wish you all the best!

[Draconisister]

I understand that its going to cost plus i need and want to talk to some about this to start making my life better, but I am currently make a little above minimum wage and trying to save for school I simply can not afford to pay full for session and spend a full tank of gas to get to each one. and apparently in 2015 laws take effect where my insurance will cover gender counseling so finding some one with in the network would be nice so i don't have to find someone new when laws happen.

[Jessica Merriman]

It sucks, but most insurance isn't going to cover GID (Gender Identity Disorder).

First that is the old term. It is now Gender Dysphoria and is no longer listed as a mental illness. Second, with Medicare lifting the trans exclusion some care is covered as the Government programs mostly follow Medicare decisions. You might check again. Medicare is now covering a lot of my trans health care cost's even SRS. Private insurance companies will now have to lift exclusions as well or face discrimination lawsuits every hour. The Federal Governments ruling was clear to everyone. To exclude trans care IS discrimination, period.

[Draconisister]

I can never wrap my head around all this legal and insurance stuff all I manage to do is give myself a headache. I'm looking on psychology today trying to find someone closer to home but I still dont know what to look for and every one seems to focus on relationships and marriage

[mrs izzy]

I am sorry the list did not help. My therapist was i felt one of the best and she was a 2 hr drive. After i moved she was a 4 hr drive. Sometimes sacrifice is needed to prevail.

And before anyone says it cost to much money. I know was in the same boat everyone else was at the time, No job, unemployment and my x taking half of that for alimony. I did what i had to to find the money. Did odd jobs etc. So it can be done if you truly wish it to be.

I know there is talk that the new cycle of the ACA many and if not all insurance companies will not be able to keep the exclusions for GD help.

Medicaid in some states already pay for GD care and a whole heap load of schools and collages/universities in there health plans include GD care up to and including GCS.

So you need to look and be willing to change if you have to for the better.

Always move towards something better.

Wishing you the best and hope you find what your looking for here soon.

Hugs