dysphoria while having depression

[ryanjoseph]

hello everyone,

i realized something kind of odd about me today. i was (formally) diagnosed with depression three years ago and have been on antidepressants for the last two of those years. it was around the start of those two years that i began to realize that i was a transguy, although i had had thoughts about it long before then.

i have a very bad habit of not taking my medication. recently i've found that when i'm off my medication, i tend to have less dysphoria, or i feel more ok with associating with my birth sex. however, when i regularly take my medication like i'm supposed to, i feel "more trans" i guess. i don't know how else to put that.

i just....want to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar? i never feel like i should "de-transition" or anything like that, just that i'm ok with not medically transitioning. but when i'm at my best mentally, dysphoria hits me and i start researching top surgery and stuff like that.

[Jessica Merriman]

I have never heard of this before. I would definitely tell my Therapist or doctor. Usually in most I have met here Dysphoria CAUSES depression. Hmmmm. Very interesting to say the least. Let us know what your doctor says about this. It could help someone else here. 

[Felix]

I don't know that I've experienced anything quite like that. But I have experienced heightened dysphoria when I was at the top of my game otherwise, because there was room in my head to work on gender problems. I couldn't always deal with thinking about my identity or my body if I had enough else bogging my head down.

[ryanjoseph]

I have never heard of this before. I would definitely tell my Therapist or doctor. Usually in most I have met here Dysphoria CAUSES depression. Hmmmm. Very interesting to say the least. Let us know what your doctor says about this. It could help someone else here. 

i'm hoping to make an appointment with my therapist soon...i've been putting off seeing her cuz i have kind of a fear of hospitals

I don't know that I've experienced anything quite like that. But I have experienced heightened dysphoria when I was at the top of my game otherwise, because there was room in my head to work on gender problems. I couldn't always deal with thinking about my identity or my body if I had enough else bogging my head down.

i guess that's somewhat similar to what i'm feeling? like i'm feeling pretty good because my depression isn't as bad, and that's what dysphoria hits me. it's also kind of like when i'm more depressed, i'm too exhausted to think about transitioning
(i'm not good at explaining things, sorry)

[Valleyrie]

Hey Ryan, I suffer from depression just like you. I have no clue as to what this may be, I think it's best that you discuss this with your doctor. It could be for a plethora of reasons.

[Jaz650]

Please do not take my advice as professional, and I am a MTF, but I also know a lot about mental health issues. Maybe you have increased dysphoria when you are in a better psychological state, because you are more aware about your inner feelings. Most depressed people do not even bother looking good. When I was on Thorazine I thought an elderly guy looked like Ben Affleck. Nevertheless take your meds. It is not a bad thing that your dysphoria increases when you are in a more alert mind. These are just issues you might want to address. When I was depressed I didn't even care about being more myself - female. Not that you are not male, I am sure you are more male than biological pathetic males!