Thinking about quitting

[JulieBlair]

LOL, honey, neither am I.  You don't have to be delusional to see the beauty and femininity that was lacking before.  You have to be accepting of reality and authentic in your life.  I'm both.  I'm also functional and happy.  I hope for nothing less for you.

Julie

[Naturally Blonde]

LOL, honey, neither am I.  You don't have to be delusional to see the beauty and femininity that was lacking before.  You have to be accepting of reality and authentic in your life.  I'm both.  I'm also functional and happy.  I hope for nothing less for you.

Julie

I'd like to reply to your posts but I don't want to be rude.

[Jenna Marie]

Sorry, the documentation was an aside because - obviously - if a trans woman corrects someone and her ID (your license, in this case) says "male," that person is going to know she's trans at the very least. But if you correct people in a female voice with a female license, there's no way for them to know you're NOT a cis woman who happened to look masculine at that moment. If the voice works, work the voice.

I've known quite a lot of trans women who pass unquestioned, but that's probably not gonna help you in this thread so I'll drop it. I just wanted to mention that yes, HRT does work for some people.

[Naturally Blonde]

Sorry, the documentation was an aside because - obviously - if a trans woman corrects someone and her ID (your license, in this case) says "male," that person is going to know she's trans at the very least. But if you correct people in a female voice with a female license, there's no way for them to know you're NOT a cis woman who happened to look masculine at that moment. If the voice works, work the voice.

I've known quite a lot of trans women who pass unquestioned, but that's probably not gonna help you in this thread so I'll drop it. I just wanted to mention that yes, HRT does work for some people.

I haven't had any male documentation for well over a decade but never had to ever produce ID for anything. Yes, my voice is good but I wish my body matched my voice.

[JulieBlair]

No worries.  Thanks for the picture.  You are beautiful, feminine, and most assuredly a girl.  I'm sorry If you take offence from my posts, but you needn't worry about being rude.  I never intend to belittle or to imply that someone's angst isn't real.  It is, sorry to be light hearted today.

Cheers,
Julie

[Jenna Marie]

Never mind; the documentation thing was a tangent and it's not worth confusing you any more. (You're lucky you don't have to produce ID, though; seems to happen to me a lot.)

Basically, there are a small set of features that people will read as "female unless there's overriding/overwhelming evidence" - feminine voice, large breasts, very small/slight body - and if you are gifted with even one of these, it's good to play it up as hard as you can. Most cis people are too ignorant to realize that a trans woman CAN have these features, so they assume someone with them is a cis woman.

I do hope that you aren't saying that those of us who believe HRT worked are delusional...

[mrs izzy]

If that is your picture on the profile i would say the problem is just someone knows or knew about you being GD.

They are just small minded people and you should not let them overshadow the woman you are.

Move forward and if possible stop using the service of the garage if they treat there customers that way.

Hugs

[Naturally Blonde]

If that is your picture on the profile i would say the problem is just someone knows or knew about you being GD.

They are just small minded people and you should not let them overshadow the woman you are.

Move forward and if possible stop using the service of the garage if they treat there customers that way.

Hugs

Yes it's my picture in my profile. I like that garage and will continue to use them regardless of how they misgender me. Previously I would get very upset and go home and cry my eyes out. Now I see the clear reality of my poor transition.

[mrs izzy]

Wish to add one more thing.

Great people talk about ideas;

ordinary people talk about things;

small minded people talk about other people.

[mrs izzy]

Yes it's my picture in my profile. I like that garage and will continue to use them regardless of how they misgender me. Previously I would get very upset and go home and cry my eyes out. Now I see the clear reality of my poor transition.

Ok sorry for the suggestion.

I understand now.

[Naturally Blonde]

No worries.  Thanks for the picture.  You are beautiful, feminine, and most assuredly a girl.  I'm sorry If you take offence from my posts, but you needn't worry about being rude.  I never intend to belittle or to imply that someone's angst isn't real.  It is, sorry to be light hearted today.

Cheers,
Julie

Hi Julie, I think you have misunderstood me. I didn't take offence by your posts at all but it appears you are just starting out on your journey. I have been full time for many years and have a lot of experience.

I know I'm not done yet and it's heartbreaking when I think I look ok but clearly I'm not doing enough and my body isn't cutting it. Strangely, it's guys that read me not women.

[izzy]

With 14 years behind you, I dont see you how you would want to quit that. You may want to live a more masculine women life style. Withdrawing from hormones would probably make you feel more depressed than what you are now.

[Naturally Blonde]

With 14 years behind you, I dont see you how you would want to quit that. You may want to live a more masculine women life style. Withdrawing from hormones would probably make you feel more depressed than what you are now.

No I don't want to live a masculine woman's lifestyle. I have always been feminine and I am not about to get my hair cut off or anything horrible like that. Hormones are having unwanted effects on me giving me a large excess of belly fat and making my face thinner. They seem to have reverse effects to what I was expecting. I have another TS friend who is experiencing similar problems who at least understands the problems I am having.

[RosieD]

I like that garage and will continue to use them regardless of how they misgender me. Previously I would get very upset and go home and cry my eyes out. Now I see the clear reality of my poor transition.

Nope, there's nothing wrong with your transition, the mechanic is a pillock. Find the manager/owner of the garage and let them know you are getting grief. If they are unsympathetic then introduce them to the 2010 Equality Act. If it ever happens again after that make your complaint to Citizens Advice and let them guide you on where to go for a payout.

I had something similar happen (albeit far earlier in to transition than you are) about a year ago and complained to the company's head office. The next time I was in the shop I received an apology and I haven't been misgendered since.  No-one but no-one has the right to make you feel bad about being yourself and anyone who tries to needs to be called to account.

Rosie

[Naturally Blonde]

Nope, there's nothing wrong with your transition, the mechanic is a pillock. Find the manager/owner of the garage and let them know you are getting grief. If they are unsympathetic then introduce them to the 2010 Equality Act. If it ever happens again after that make your complaint to Citizens Advice and let them guide you on where to go for a payout.

I had something similar happen (albeit far earlier in to transition than you are) about a year ago and complained to the company's head office. The next time I was in the shop I received an apology and I haven't been misgendered since.  No-one but no-one has the right to make you feel bad about being yourself and anyone who tries to needs to be called to account.

Rosie

The mechanic is also the manager/owner and it's not his fault that he sees what he sees, I don't think it's deliberate. I can't complain about other people when it is me that's at fault. The guy does a really good job and they are best garage for that type of work. I've heard about people suing this and that company for gender mis-interpretation but if we're honest it's us that's at fault. A cis female isn't going to be mis-gendered or at least I've never seen it happen. So it really is down to the visual interpretation of what someone else sees regardless of clothing or presentation.

[GendrKweer]

When you started this thread, there was no picture of you, but now there is and I have to say based on your face alone of course I have no idea why anyone would misgender you. I'm 37 and have...um shall we say lived a diverse and interesting life so far, meaning I've been lucky enough to interact with pretty much everyone on whatever spectrum you'd like to present. And based on your face, it would be tough for me to clock you. Your hair is nice as well, and I don't think you face is skeletal at all. If your voice is as good as you say, there can only be malice behind anyone saying "him", and if it were me, I'd take my business elsewhere. After all, if they have such little respect for me, why would I think they have any more respect for my bankbook or vehicle? Incidentally, when I have more femme accessories (purse, nailpolish, etc) and someone sirs me, often as not I smile and say something like "Purse? Nailpolish? You really think I wanna be sirred?" I find that confidently humiliating someone who deserves it is a wonderful thing...because anyone who would really overlook clearly female clothes and accessories no matter how they believed you were underneath deserves it.

[RosieD]

The mechanic is also the manager/owner and it's not his fault that he sees what he sees, I don't think it's deliberate. I can't complain about other people when it is me that's at fault. The guy does a really good job and they are best garage for that type of work. I've heard about people suing this and that company for gender mis-interpretation but if we're honest it's us that's at fault. A cis female isn't going to be mis-gendered or at least I've never seen it happen. So it really is down to the visual interpretation of what someone else sees regardless of clothing or presentation.

Nope. The fault is with the person who is mis-gendering. If you have told them and they haven't stopped mis-gendering you then they don't deserve to have a business and deserve to be sued out of business. My garage reminded me that I hadn't told them what my new name was and the old one certainly didn't seem right. The owner of your local garage is an absolute arse and has absolutely no excuse for their behaviour.

Rosie

[Sabine]

This sort of thing really does suck. Do you feel that it would be of any help to get some sort of cold evaluation from a third party of what you might alter in concrete terms, and then go down the list as you can? It sounds as if you feel it's entirely that too many masculine markers remain and are still working in concert to undermine you. You might be able to lessen some with effort. For example, you have written of how weigh accumulates, and while one can't control distribution, one can reduce overall weight if that helps. Exercise can help with muscle shaping (and butt boosting), and I found that helped me. You mention pre-med FFS, does that mean you had it and it was not enough, or were there things you decided not to do?

I'm also post transition about two years, I've had FFS, and I still think about getting this or that on my face redone.  I haven't been misgendered by strangers in that time (habits of family and friends are another matter), but I also live in a very PC-aware area. What people think and say are different, and I am sure I get zapped time to time. But I am comfortable day to day and able to pretty much forget old me.

I'd also ask: what would be the level of experience to make you comfortable again, and what do you feel it would take to get there? 

[Naturally Blonde]

Nope. The fault is with the person who is mis-gendering. If you have told them and they haven't stopped mis-gendering you then they don't deserve to have a business and deserve to be sued out of business. My garage reminded me that I hadn't told them what my new name was and the old one certainly didn't seem right. The owner of your local garage is an absolute arse and has absolutely no excuse for their behaviour.

Rosie

I'm not getting this Rosie what do I have to tell them? if you've never seen a person before why would you have to go through your life story with them? you should be taken on face value, if not it's your fault no theirs.

I can just see all these transsexuals going up to people and saying 'sorry I look like a man but I'm not really a man, I'm a transition so can you call me madam please', 'thank you very much'. That would be so stupid and gives you zero credibility.

[RosieD]

sorry I look like a man but I'm not really a man, I'm a transition so can you call me madam please', 'thank you very much'. That would be so stupid and gives you zero credibility.

It would which is one of the reasons I wouldn't dream of apologising or using that many words. If someone calls me 'sir' (like the butcher did last month) I correct them by saying "it's madam". Why on Earth would I be grovelling acceptance from someone who is relying on my custom?

I am really sorry that they got to you lovely but they have the problem, not you.

Rosie