To anyone who cares... can I please have a hug? :'(

[alabamagirl]

I just woke from another restless night, terrified and crying. I dreamt of her again... My ex and the abuse she put me through. I thought I had almost been able to forget her, but I see now the clear difference between "forgetting" and "blocking out." Since we split up, I have avoided anything that might remind me of her. Everything from things that were direct triggers to the abuse, to even little things that reminded me of her, like music or television series she liked. I did my best to block her from my mind completely. I eventually thought I had gotten to a point where I was better... where I thought I was perhaps strong enough to face these triggers without them impacting me as strongly... after all, I don't want to live my life in fear of her memory forever. But now... My dreams are once again consumed by nightmares of her, and a significant portion of my days are spent seething with anger. I know I'll be able to move past it in time... right? But right now, I really need some comfort. So to all the friends I've made here... Please, please, offer me whatever comfort you can?

[mrs izzy]

<<<< Hugs>>>>

[StevieAK]

(((((((((Hug)))))))
Id offer a platitude if i thought it would help..maybe tell you to not hurt butt some people are dicks and cruel and it hurts...just life i guess.

Im sorry for your pain.

[immortal gypsy]

A hug for one who needs it now, from one who cares

[mrs izzy]

It will get better in time but you have to be ready for when it does come.

Its just a dream, painful but a dream.

Sometimes i wonder if when we try to block thing out our mind will re run things to help in the healing of the fear?

So the first hug i sent was one to be kept for later.

This one <<<<<<<< HUG>>>>>>> is for now.

[Ms Grace]

Yes, time will heal the anger. The way I moved past mine with an ex and the way she treated me when I told her I had a trans history was to know I was better than her and better off without her. Everyday I moved past her was a day I succeeded at my life.

[Jess42]

*BIG HUG* It will take time but it will eventually get better with time. Maybe ask your therapist how to deal with the abuse you went through.

[CindyCD]

Great big HUGS coming your way! You are not alone, I feel your pain. The mean things people do is a projection of themselves, not you. While easier said than done, ignoring small minded opinions can free you from much suffering. Things do get better with time.

[Lonicera]

I don't know you so I apologise if I'm intruding here but I hope it would be okay to say that you seem like a fantastic and astounding person from the posts I've seen. *offers duvet and tea* Triggers are such awful things; they can be so random and seem so innocuous. Obviously, I can't comment on whether things will improve but so, so many people do and your past words suggest you have incredible introspection skills and resilience so I hope that ability to adapt is true for you. You're entitled to as much freedom from this as possible so you can seek relatively unfettered happiness. Wishing you the best.

[Jenny07]

How about some chocolates and a box of tissues?
Feeling very down myself after an awful week and just want to cry.


I have been there but in different circumstances about my ex. For a long time any memory triggered me doing the things I loved and shared with her that I would break down in tears as she lay in a coma. It takes time and is very hard so do the best you can. You can't do any more.

I need some more tissues.

[FTMDiaries]

((((((((Hugs))))))))

It takes time, but you'll get there. Those dreams are just your subconscious mind's way of trying to digest the emotions surrounding your break-up. The fact that you're having those dreams is actually a good thing (even if it doesn't feel that way at the time) because they're part of the healing process. If you can acknowledge how they're making you feel, you'll get through this more quickly.

I'm going through a slow, drawn-out split myself... and it's at times like these that I like to refer to the wise words of Messrs Andersson and Ulvaeus:

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go
And the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again
And the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving.

[Athena]

First of all a massive hugs

If I may offer a suggestion, take 1 trigger at a time. Say a song you used to like but it reminds you of her, find something you really like to do and maybe start listening to it while doing what you enjoy time to time. Try to take the negative triggers and turn them into a positive association.
Most of all remember she is out of your life you don't have to fear her anymore.

[alabamagirl]

Thank you all so, so much! Reading your responses has made me feel so much better, and it really helped to hear what many of you have went through or are going through.

@Jenny: I so wish I could be there to share a good cry with you and give you a hug. I'm so sorry to hear what happened.

@FTMDiaries: Thank you so much for saying that. It's a relief to think that these recent painful emotions may be what I need to go through to exorcise her from my life for good.

[Blue Senpai]

I'm sure you're very well aware that you can contact me on Skype at any time.
I just appear offline while I'm actually there.
/hugs you/

[Bombadil]

It's true that the dreams mean you are stronger and ready to process the emotions. It really sucks though. I'm sending some positive thoughts your way.

[Hikari]

I just woke from another restless night, terrified and crying. I dreamt of her again... My ex and the abuse she put me through. I thought I had almost been able to forget her, but I see now the clear difference between "forgetting" and "blocking out." Since we split up, I have avoided anything that might remind me of her. Everything from things that were direct triggers to the abuse, to even little things that reminded me of her, like music or television series she liked. I did my best to block her from my mind completely. I eventually thought I had gotten to a point where I was better... where I thought I was perhaps strong enough to face these triggers without them impacting me as strongly... after all, I don't want to live my life in fear of her memory forever. But now... My dreams are once again consumed by nightmares of her, and a significant portion of my days are spent seething with anger. I know I'll be able to move past it in time... right? But right now, I really need some comfort. So to all the friends I've made here... Please, please, offer me whatever comfort you can?

*Hugs* If you ever need to talk, feel free to friend my Facebook and send me a message there, I check it like 5 times a day. I am here for you! I know getting over a situation like this is a very hard thing to do. You deserve to be happy, never forget that.

[Miharu Barbie]

Big hugs to you, Pikachu.  You are stronger than you know.

I am a big fan of meditation for unraveling and healing painful memories.  Transcendental.  Ishaya's Ascension.  Zen Buddhism.  Silent prayer.  There are some very powerful, highly beneficial forms of meditation out there.

Just as brushing our teeth 2 or 3 times a day leads to healthy teeth and fresh breath, so it happens that 15 or 20 minutes of quiet meditation 2 or 3 times a day leads to healthy emotions and a fresh outlook on the past, the present and the future. 

First and foremost, be kind to yourself.  You deserve it.

[Eris]

*warm comforting hug*

[EllieM]

[Dee Marshall]

I got to this late but...

H.    H.   U.    U.  GGG
H.    H.   U.    U. G.    G
H.    H.   U.    U. G
HHHH.   U.    U. G
H.    H.   U.    U.  G.  GG
H.    H.   U.    U.  G.    G
H.    H.      UU.       GG