struggling with doubt right now.

[amber roskamp]

so right now I am having a really hard time with doubts again. when I first realized I was trans it was not nearly as dramatic as many women that I have talked to. Last time I struggled with doubt about whether or not I was trans, I tried to picture my future self as a guy and I couldn't do it. The only thing I thought about was wanting to kill myself. So I know that I really don't have the option to stay a guy because I am more afraid of what would happen then, then anything else.

The thing that I think triggered it is how emotional I get when I go outside dressed up. I don't feel like I passed just yet, and I get really anxious. I've cried like every time I've been out. its just really hard for me.

[suzifrommd]

so right now I am having a really hard time with doubts again. when I first realized I was trans it was not nearly as dramatic as many women that I have talked to. Last time I struggled with doubt about whether or not I was trans, I tried to picture my future self as a guy and I couldn't do it. The only thing I thought about was wanting to kill myself. So I know that I really don't have the option to stay a guy because I am more afraid of what would happen then, then anything else.

The thing that I think triggered it is how emotional I get when I go outside dressed up. I don't feel like I passed just yet, and I get really anxious. I've cried like every time I've been out. its just really hard for me.

Amber, I had the same experience when I first went out. My female clothes didn't fit my body well, and I was afraid something would shift or slip revealing that everything was a cover up. I felt like people were staring at me and that everyone knew.

Luckily I was drawn to going out as my new female self, so I couldn't  shelve it. As I did it more, I got more comfortable, stopped caring whether people stared. I held my head high, showing them the proud face of transgender. As I get better outfits my confidence improved.

It helped if I had a friend to go out with, but that was scarce. Most of my friends talked the supportive talk, but when it came time actually to go out with me, they balked.

Good luck, dear. I'm really glad I stuck with it, and I hope you will be too.

[amber roskamp]

thank you it was really stressful yesterday as I had to go through a really crowded area on bike to get to my support group. ive only been out like 3 times once was at a trans pride event so that wasn't that was good besides for on the way over to my fiends house I saw some one I worked with

[JoanneB]

In my 20's I twice experimented with transitioning. I had zero doubt I was not at all like other guys. I secretly cross-dressed since I was like 5. Yet every time I ventured out in the real world I could never shake the "I am just some guy in a dress" feeling.

Lack of self esteem, lock of confidence only fed those feelings. My two oldest and dearest friends, Shame and Guilt whipped them into a frenzy.

It does get better. These days when I am out in the real world as the real me I only think how woderfull a feeling it is to finally feel genuine

[amber roskamp]

yea you know I feel better right now! think I got to take it slower. Going through a crowded area was just too much for me right now I need to work on my makeup/ hair skills and maybe then I will build confidence.