Hello, need some uh guidance?

[aaaron]

I've been lurking in here for about two weeks constantly and figured I should probably be proactive about this...
I feel like I might by transgendered. Female to male to be more specific (hence going by Aaron on here). I'm having a pretty hard time saying everything I want to say without rambling because this is still a mess in my head but I'm hoping by coming here I can figure it out, even if I figure out I'm not trans it might mean I can stop thinking about it for like five seconds! Alright, attempting to sum it up:

• Hugely uncomfortable about having breasts and I have been as long as I can remember
• Have felt weirdly out of place and disjointed from everybody else from a young age
• I find it difficult to talk to girls because I feel like they're judging me and I know I come off as weird and hard to talk to, but with guys I can be totally fine and myself pretty quickly
• I came out as gay in February and have avoided saying lesbian because I don't like the female connotations
• I've never liked being referred to as a girl or woman or any female pronouns, but I don't know how I feel about male pronouns either
• Basically I 100% do not feel like a girl and hate the feminine aspects of my body, but the idea of going on T and becoming completely male scares me in a lot of ways. All I've done in the way of 'transistioning' is ordered a binder, which I'm very excited about

I feel like this is all going pretty fast, especially since this summer I'd kind of dressed more feminine than ever before and until about two weeks ago was maybe just starting to like my body, but something triggered(?) me to reconsider my whole gender and since then I really haven't been able to think of myself as a girl at all.
So hi hello that's me, it's nice to meet you all!

[Gina Taylor]

Hi there aaaron! 

Welcome to Susan's! 

You've definitely come to the right place if you've got a lot of questions about transsexualism. Here you'll get a lot of good answers and you'll feel really comfortable. 

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to the family Aaron!! We are so glad you are here because you now have a ton of support at your fingertips. The first place many of us started was with a good and caring Therapist. It helps a lot if they have some experience in gender issue's. If you decide to transition there will be some stages that may require a letter from one anyway attesting to your diagnosis and stability to make good decisions on your health care. I hope you enjoy your time here and ask any questions you need to in your journey. 

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[gennee]

Welcome to Susan's, aaaron. You have a lot of concerns that are very legitimate. There are many wonderful resources here that may help you sort out things. If you can visit a gender therapist that would be great also.

[mrs izzy]

Welcome aaaron to Susan's

As said by the others here gender therapist is somewhere you should start.

Having a somewhat idea of where you fit in the spectrum can give a great footing on what path you must walk

Not everyone goes all the way to the surgery, some just find happiness in acceptance of who they are.

So take some time and find a therapist that you are comfortable working with and also check out the FTM side of the forum, many there have walked the same path you might feel is needed.

[aaaron]

Thanks everyone, these messages are all really reassuring that I'm not completely wrong in how I feel, definitely gonna be spending a while reading everything here.