Even the strong have heartbreaks

[Jessica Merriman]

I may seem to have to easy a transition to some here and I just want you to know I have the same problems as all of us here. Today I was notified by my daughter that she is changing her last name to her mothers maiden name. She is doing this because she is ashamed to carry my name and is embarrassed of me. She has disowned me and her grand parents who have only loved and supported her the 16 1/2 years she has been alive. I am naturally crushed and heart broken, but it will not deter me from my goal in life of being post op. The same day I was served with papers saying my ex is going after full custody of my son because according to the paper served I am a degenerate and should not be responsible for raising my son. It says my mental status will have to be evaluated and see if there is a chance I will STEER him into being trans over his objections. My son for the record has been VERY supportive of me and identifies as 100% hetero. I know this is being done to cause me pain and nothing will happen with my custody of my son, but it still hurts to know I will have to prove my stability as a parent. I have a great therapy team who will be in my corner the whole way. I guess the reason I posted this is to show I am not immune to the pressures of society and others and am a human as well. I still maintain my new positive outlook and possess 100% of the confidence I have as usual. I just wanted to let everyone know I am not the golden girl with some magical silver spoon concerning transition and if I can persevere, so can you. 

[Shantel]

Cyber hugs to you Jessica! My youngest son now in his early forties left for good about ten years ago because of this and has since changed his last name for the same reason, it was pretty hurtful and I'm still pained about it when I look at his baby pictures on the wall and around Christmas time. Oh well, just one less name to put on my will!

[HoneyStrums]

Kindred, possibly? i come here after so long, carrying the burden of a broken heart and find you also with one. In manyways this post helped me, reminding me im not the only person with problembs. And that no matter how much pain im in im not the only one.

[Jera]

But how?

How is it that you can endure things like that with a smile, where all some might want to do is cry? And not just endure, but overcome, from the sound of it? Does that come naturally to you, or is it something you've picked up along the way? I'm kind of jealous, tbh, because I can only wish every problem and setback didn't feel so soul crushing.

I admire your spirit.

[Jessica Merriman]

I made up my mind that my new life would not be trodden on by others. I told myself that after 28 years of career hell I deserved to be happy and to live life fully instead of cleaning up the tragic lives of others surrounded by death and misery. Happiness is what you make of it and you can embrace it fully or try to live up to the expectations of others, which is impossible. Someone will always find fault in you in one way or another. Once you realize this you get overcome by a weird feeling of calm and acceptance. Like with my daughter. I raised her, cared for her, protected her and educated her. She is an adult now and what ever path she chooses in life is her call. She like I have to live the way we are so even though I am sad I will not judge her. It is her choice to pick this path and should have no reflection on me at all. A parent should never feel guilty for the actions of an adult child at all. Life is about choices, I made mine she made hers. I smile and remain positive because I no longer have to hide my true self or be repressed in any way. I wish more would see transition not as a life ending situation, but a life GIVING one. I hope no one carries over guilt, shame or baggage from the past into their new glorious life. Transition is a positive, not a negative! 

[Ms Grace]

Hugs, Jessica. It's terrible to be rejected by those closest to you because they can't or won't allow you to be who you are. Hopefully your daughter, with some years and maturity behind her will realise the error of her ways and understand how hurtful she has been. "Force someone to be trans"?? Clearly they have no idea, that stupidity has (or shouldn't have) a leg to stand on. More hugs.

[Jessica Merriman]

The ex questioned my son over a half hour and he finally had enough and told her to leave and take her small mind with her. He is my HERO!! He kept telling her I was a much better person now and no one should question my motives at all. He said no court order would ever make him leave me and that I was not "recruiting" anyone to be trans at all. He was really wonderful!! 

[Megan Joanne]

That is so nice Jessica. He already sounds like a real man your son.

[trapsouldoor]

I'm so sorry to hear about what your daughter is putting you through. *hugs* It's a relief to know you have such support from your son.

[Bombadil]

I'm sorry your daughter and ex can not understand and our acting so badly. I have never seen you as someone with a silverspoon. You are real and that means you experience the good and the bad. Your attitude is awesome and it is something I and others respect a lot and we are also here to send you support when you need it.

Also, kudos to your son

[Shantel]

The ex questioned my son over a half hour and he finally had enough and told her to leave and take her small mind with her. He is my HERO!! He kept telling her I was a much better person now and no one should question my motives at all. He said no court order would ever make him leave me and that I was not "recruiting" anyone to be trans at all. He was really wonderful!! 

He's a real winner, what a great son!

[Jessica Merriman]

He's a real winner, what a great son!

I made his favorite dinner tonight!! He is awesome!! 

[FalseHybridPrincess]

*hugs*

[whatever]

Your son sounds truly incredible. Please consider leaving the door open a crack for your daughter; she is young and has a very narrow world view. Consciously or not; she appears to have been recruited in this horrible conflict which is profoundly painful to bear.

All I can say is best wishes, big hugs and lots of love.

[Jessica Merriman]

Please consider leaving the door open a crack for your daughter

I did.  I am hoping that going to college will get her into a different environment much different from High School. I do understand the pressure's she is under right now and I will never stop loving and caring for her. You are so right about her situation as she is a pawn of sorts in a very bitter divorce. My sincere hope is some day she will understand what I am doing and why. 

[rosinstraya]

I've come across some fairly low and miserable family battles in my work Over the years, but this is really very poor stuff. Your daughter is at a very impressionable age and it seems likely she would have done this at your ex's bidding. I think there would be a strong chance that as she gets other influences in her life after school she'll be more mature and understanding.

On the other hand it's good to hear of a young man who is being raised to be a thoughtful and compassionate person!

Hugs to you Jessica, and I hope all of this plain nastiness can have an end without courts and all that other stuff.


Love,


Ros

[Jessica Merriman]

and I hope all of this plain nastiness can have an end without courts and all that other stuff.

I have a feeling she intends to go to court to spotlight me and humiliate me somehow. It won't work though as I have confidence, integrity and know who I am now. The only person she will humiliate is herself in front of the public. A part of me wants to spare her of it, but she is pushing it so she can deal with the fallout. She is already spreading very bad gossip and false stories about me around the city and I do not know how much credence the people will give them. I could be in for a very rough last part of this year. I hope not, but I am prepared. 

[Shantel]

I have a feeling she intends to go to court to spotlight me and humiliate me somehow. It won't work though as I have confidence, integrity and know who I am now. The only person she will humiliate is herself in front of the public. A part of me wants to spare her of it, but she is pushing it so she can deal with the fallout. She is already spreading very bad gossip and false stories about me around the city and I do not know how much credence the people will give them. I could be in for a very rough last part of this year. I hope not, but I am prepared. 

Good attitude! I think that in a college environment your daughter will get her own thoughts together on the subject and she'll probably turn back to you. It's always a shame when a woman feels so scorned that they have to respond with such hateful vitriol, it won't serve her well in the end. She just needs to move on quietly. I'm sorry that this is how you both are finishing up, but you can't take responsibility for her continued smoldering anger.

[Jessica Merriman]

Thanks Shan! Yes, when I went full time Jan 1st I made myself a promise that from that point on I would harbor no ill will towards anyone and be someone others may call a friend. The old is gone and Jessica lives free and unapologetic!! 

[King Malachite]

Your son is awesome.  I do hope that your daughter comes around soon.  At any rate, I'm glad you are being so positive about this.    -hugs-