Am I a piece of crap or bad person

[Cristyjade30]

My wife is having a baby, I am feeling like crap right now for wanting to transition, she is getting induced in the next hour were waiting right now, I started feeling like crap for being trans, I dunno anybody experience this feeling before.

[ImagineKate]

I have kids and I feel the same way sometimes.

My fear is twofold:
1. If my wife leaves, she'll take them with her. I would be devastated. They are my world.
2. If she stays and I transition, the kids will be endlessly bullied. 

It's hard.

[Valleyrie]

You're neither. You're just trying to be you in a world that isn't understanding and I think that's very courageous. Why exactly do you feel like crap for being trans if I may ask?

[suzifrommd]

Repeat after me: "TRANSITION WON'T HARM MY BABY IN ANY WAY".

That's right. There's absolutely no harm that will come to your baby because you're finally allowing yourself to be who you are.

As for your wife, you will be there for her regardless of your gender (unless she puts distance between you, in which case that's her choice and something you cannot control).

Multiple Choice Question: Which type of parent would you rather have?

(A) A parent who can't give you her all because she's busy fighting a battle against who she is in order to be who the world wants her to be.

(B) A parent is fully and authentically herself and can show you who she really is.

Good luck Christie. Enjoy parenthood. The fact that you care means you'll be a loving parent.

[mrs izzy]

What Suzifrommd said.

No you for most part are selfless if you do not be honest with your feelings.

Hugs

[mac1]

My wife is having a baby, I am feeling like crap right now for wanting to transition, she is getting induced in the next hour were waiting right now, I started feeling like crap for being trans, I dunno anybody experience this feeling before.

The the only thing for which you should feel like crap is taking time to post here while waiting for her surgical procedure. You should be spending the time comforting her.

[Mark3]

You're giving your new child the best gift ever, to know and love the real you..! There is nothing to feel bad about..?
Buy some cigars, and give us all one when your beautiful baby is born.. <3

[Ciara]

You are neither. You are going through the same struggles that we have all gone through, and continue to go through. Being trans does not mean that you cannot continue to have a full and loving life with your wife.
Also you are both about to have a wonderful gift of a baby.
Love your wife, love your children, and love your life!!

Ciara

[KayCeeDee]

What everyone else said. I have 4 kids from 1st grade on up and none of them have had any problems with bullying, etc. Kids these days don't care... they are more curious than anything.

[KayCeeDee]

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS on the baby!!!

[Brenda E]

Cristyjade, I'll add my congrats on the baby too!

No, you're not a piece of crap or bad person.  You're a normal trans girl who hid what she was going though.  You're lucky in that your new baby will be part of a generation who won't blink an eye at the idea of a transgender parent.

Your wife, give her time.  Let the family adjust to the new baby.  You'll need time to adjust too - babies are hard work.  But don't do what I did and let "putting the family first" end up being nearly twenty years of "not coming out because I'm frightened of what my kids will think."  Your child will love you no matter who you are, provided you're a great parent.

I hope all turned out well with the birth.  You're a good person.

[Rachel]

Congratulation on the new baby

Allow time for your wife to recuperate, see a therapist and explore what you need to do.

[Danielle79]

Congratulations! I just went through the same thing five months ago tomorrow.

There's something about suddenly having a little one that makes you re-evaluate your life. What example do you want to set for them? You can't teach them to live an authentic life if you are not true to yourself. You can't teach them to face their fears if you yourself do not face your fears.

I don't think these are selfish thoughts. They are a sign of growth as you take on one of a life's greatest responsibilities.

The birth of my son was the last straw for me. He made me face my fears. I sit here, watching him sleep peacefully, and I know I am doing the right thing.

So give your wife some time to recover, and give her and yourself some time to adjust to having a newborn. Then be yourself.

[Cristyjade30]

The the only thing for which you should feel like crap is taking time to post here while waiting for her surgical procedure. You should be spending the time comforting her.

Sorry I took so long to reply to everyone on hear. First off I was in our room waiting, she was taken in another room for like 30 minutes, and that's why I took so long to reply, If she would have been in the room I would have been standing there holding her hand. When they rolled her back they asked me to stay there hat they would be right back, so I had time to think which is never good, lol, but my dad was in there earlier saying stuff,(they don't know I am trans)he was all like, you gotta be a good FATHER, and put her before yourself, and things are different now, you gotta grow up now. He is incredibly hard to please(impossible) all I do is work all the time, I am gone all the time, making money I never get to see,(I know normal stuff right) and he tells me I need to grow up, ugh, I bust my ass, I never do anything for myself, I am not complaining about it that's life. However where does he get off saying that stuff, I can tell if I ever come out he would disown me because I have a daughter now, and he is super conservative. My mother I don't know I have mixed feeling about how she would act. But any way I digress, since when does one have to have something at the expense of the other? Does transitioning mean I would be putting myself before my daughter? That's why I felt crappy for being trans. Not for the sake of being trans but bc I was afraid I would be putting myself before her. Also she was 6pds 15 ounces and 18 inches long. Ill post pics later for yaw. I appreciate the support I really do, Im a mess right now. Im happy but I feel so guilty at the same time... 

[Jess42]

You should feel neither. I for one am glad Christy came her and let us know. Congrats hon. I can't have as either man or woman so Big congrats from me to you with a great big hug  for you, your partner and baby.

No, you are definitely not a piece of crap. thanks for letting us know. You are definitely not a bad person either. So get both out of your head.

[Cristyjade30]

You should feel neither. I for one am glad Christy came her and let us know. Congrats hon. I can't have as either man or woman so Big congrats from me to you with a great big hug  for you, your partner and baby.

No, you are definitely not a piece of crap. thanks for letting us know. You are definitely not a bad person either. So get both out of your head.

I appreciate you so much and ill post pics soon, she is so beautiful too. My biggest worry is if me and my wife split, is can they use being trans to keep her away from me???

[Cristyjade30]

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS on the baby!!!

Thanks so much, I am happy about her! She kept me up all night, I let my wife sleep and I took care of our daughter all night.
If I put her down,wahhhh, if she dropped her passy, waaahhh, poop, waaahhh, pee waaaahhh, lol but it was fun, I am a little of a night owl anyway.

[Cristyjade30]

Congratulations! I just went through the same thing five months ago tomorrow.

There's something about suddenly having a little one that makes you re-evaluate your life. What example do you want to set for them? You can't teach them to live an authentic life if you are not true to yourself. You can't teach them to face their fears if you yourself do not face your fears.

I don't think these are selfish thoughts. They are a sign of growth as you take on one of a life's greatest responsibilities.

The birth of my son was the last straw for me. He made me face my fears. I sit here, watching him sleep peacefully, and I know I am doing the right thing.

So give your wife some time to recover, and give her and yourself some time to adjust to having a newborn. Then be yourself.

I am to the point where I don't worry about other consequences, like my wife, mom,dad,family, All I care is being the best second mommy I can be, And I worry about losing her, I do worry about my wife, but what I mean is I don't think Im being fair to her if im not happy with myself, and I don't think that I would want her to be unhappy just for me to be happy, So I shouldn't be unhappy just for her to be happy either, Ive always believed in sharing in a relationship, burdens, love, stuff like that. And I honestly wouldn't be that upset if we split, as long as I could get shared custody. I am completely happy with my wife don't get me wrong, my point is I understand I cant make her stay, and I cant make her lesbian if she isn't, and I just want her to be happy, so it would be totally fair if we split, she didn't know about this when we met and back then I was naïve enough to believe I could control it.

[luna nyan]

First of all, congratulations!
It's a wonder isn't it, holding that little one in your arms?  You don't forget that feeling.  Ever.

As others have said, settle down with the little one and recover as a family first.  Then talk with your SO.

Everyone has different circumstances.  For some, transition is appropriate.  For others, they can put transition aside believing they can manage, and also give their kids a better opportunity.  In the end, it's what's best for your circumstances that should determine your decision.

Wishing you, your SO, and the little one all the best... Sooooo exciting!!!!

[Cristyjade30]

First of all, congratulations!
It's a wonder isn't it, holding that little one in your arms?  You don't forget that feeling.  Ever.

As others have said, settle down with the little one and recover as a family first.  Then talk with your SO.

Everyone has different circumstances.  For some, transition is appropriate.  For others, they can put transition aside believing they can manage, and also give their kids a better opportunity.  In the end, it's what's best for your circumstances that should determine your decision.

Wishing you, your SO, and the little one all the best... Sooooo exciting!!!!

Thanks so much, I came out to her months ago, so she know the score, we have had long conversations about it, so she knows exactly how I feel, she knows I cant help it, and I honestly don't think I could manage without transitioning, I own my own business and I have pretty much guaranteed income as long as I stay working, so money is most definitely not an issue hear, my issue is knowing that my transition has a 50/50 chance of splitting us up, and worrying about courts not letting me have rights to my daughter. So yea a lot on the mind this am as my baby and my other baby sleep(my wife lol) I been up 24hrs easy, so she did all the work, im letting her rest. I don't know I am a mess, I felt like crying all night out of joy and out of apprehension that this is a pretty good road block to transition, while not insurmountable, its pretty damn big obstacle. Any way I love all of you, Im glad I found this site you are all good people. Thanks