What are you thinking? 9.0

[V M]

Tell us your thoughts 

[King Malachite]

My thoughts:

I King Malachite shall claim the first post (aside from VM of course) of the What are you thinking thread: version 9.0

It's good to be the King.   

[Edge]

We have a lot of thoughts.

My thoughts are currently along these lines (with a couple obvious differences):

[Bombadil]

Thought number one - it's time for a new one already? 
Thought number two - yay I get to be on the first page
Thought number three -  this voice recognition software really sucks

[alabamagirl]

I really wish the nightmares would wait until I actually fall asleep. The thoughts running through my mind as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to come were making me cry, so I decided sleep deprivation was preferable.

[Shantel]

I really wish the nightmares would wait until I actually fall asleep. The thoughts running through my mind as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to come were making me cry, so I decided sleep deprivation was preferable.

It's kind of hard to turn off the brain's thought mechanism for me at night too, it's probably pretty common hon!

[Kassie]

It is usually very hard to turn off the thought process unless I am exhausted  even then some times I stay awake for hours

[Blue Senpai]

4 months without a job.

[Jaime R D]

4 months without a job.

Want mine?

[Blue Senpai]

Want mine?

Sure. Any way to make money seems fine with me.

[Jaime R D]

Sure. Any way to make money seems fine with me.

It may be fine for the short term, but long term, always go for what you actually enjoy doing day in and day out.

Our company has seemed to have started too much micromanaging and that makes it crappy for the actual store managers. Makes it aggravating as hell and in many instances, not good for the customers either.

[CalmRage]

my voice has broken a long time ago yet it sounds deeper than usual today.

how odd.

[Blue Senpai]

It may be fine for the short term, but long term, always go for what you actually enjoy doing day in and day out.

Our company has seemed to have started too much micromanaging and that makes it crappy for the actual store managers. Makes it aggravating as hell and in many instances, not good for the customers either.

I just need something to get my transition running along for the short term and not be home all day.
In any case, I'm rethinking my possible male name again after my brother felt it would be awkward having a super similar name to him.
Time to look for alternatives so I can be satisfied with it and it goes with my middle and last name.

[King Malachite]

I just need something to get my transition running along for the short term and not be home all day.

I feel you man.  Just keep your head up and don't stop searching.  Apply to where you can.  Sometimes, you will find a job when you will least expect it.  In the meantime, do what you can to make money.  Sell things, rakes leaves etc.....maybe even some day labor jobs.

[Adam (birkin)]

lol Marcellow you can have one of my two jobs. I'm balling, but I have no time for anything, ever.

[iiMTF]

Just reading a few of the first posts here, and I'm like.. "there's a way to turn thoughts OFF?!"

Thoughts are literally the most annoying thing in my life. My brain is constantly active, not a second can pass without it just constantly saying something, especially things I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. Really, I have no control over what I think. I just listen to what it says and elaborate on it.

Sleep, laying down was mentioned. Whenever I just sit, or lay, or try to go asleep alone or not even alone, just where its... quiet; this is the worst for me because this is when I think the MOST. This is when my brain goes in to details about topics in my life... Creating theories, then spending an hour trying to find holes in them. This really bugs me because all my friends and my family can fall asleep in like 5 minutes and expect I do the same. When I lay down, it takes me about four hours to fall asleep on average. This is for three reasons: My thoughts which I mentioned earlier, my little fantasy of a mind that belongs to the author side of me (I love to write, so I just am thinking about plots and entire stories when I go to sleep, trying to figure out a good book to write the next day). Then there's also getting comfortable. It doesn't matter what I do, I'm uncomfortable. This makes it hard to focus on trying to fall asleep. A lot of this problem comes from (and sorry if this is a bit graphic) my ever so despised penis. If only I could cut the little jerk of a thing off, it would make life so much easier. But that creates problems dealing with transitioning, and the possibility of death just by doing it in the first place.

Instructions on how to get my brain to shut up, anyone? I could really use some.

Oh, also what I think about, the actual QUESTION of this topic.. hehe. Nonstop transgender/transsexual whatever the correct term is (I'm a newbie, today would be Day 8 for me, so don't judge my lack of knowledge on terminology). I literally cannot stop thinking about it. That, of course, ranges from being self-conscious, hating being called a boy by my friends and family, all in all hating my body/appearance. Also, the future. I've been an anxious person all my life, so yeah, I think about the future a lot. :/

-To Be Named

[King Malachite]

My co-worker can be a real D-bag.  This is one of those days where I wish she would jump off a bridge.  She is a miserable person and I don't blame her.  Gosh I'm too nice to that girl.

So I totally went on blahtherapy to vent about this (thanks birkin!) and I actually spoke to another FtM who was pre-transition like I am.  What are the odds!

[Edge]

I have a lot of things going on for the next few days which I'm excited about because I feel productive and stuff, but I am also impatient because I have to wait until monday to do some important things.
I also have to find time to get groceries and probably make more than one trip since I need a lot and don't have a car.
I hope I got enough presents for my son's birthday. We're not doing much this year which I feel bad about, but couldn't really be helped.
My son might be able to put off kindergarden for an extra year so he can continue with his autism program. On the one hand, that will really help improve his social and communication skills before starting school. On the other, fitting our schedules around his is going to be stressful and difficult.
I might have to drop one of my courses in order to fit the schedule and I really don't want to.
I hope he doesn't get sick this year. I can't afford to lose any school or I'll fall behind and won't be able to catch up.
Right now, my endo has me taking my T dose every three weeks, but I'm noticing I get moody at the the end of those three weeks. I think I better call him and ask if I can take a smaller dose more frequently.
I'm really excited.

[Shantel]

Instructions on how to get my brain to shut up, anyone? I could really use some.

Oh, also what I think about, the actual QUESTION of this topic.. hehe. Nonstop transgender/transsexual whatever the correct term is (I'm a newbie, today would be Day 8 for me, so don't judge my lack of knowledge on terminology). I literally cannot stop thinking about it. That, of course, ranges from being self-conscious, hating being called a boy by my friends and family, all in all hating my body/appearance. Also, the future. I've been an anxious person all my life, so yeah, I think about the future a lot. :/

-To Be Named

Ok, what has worked for me is a form of self hypnosis where I lay on my back as comfortably as possible, I turn on a quiet running fan as it's "White sound" seems to blot out any background noise. Then I visualize myself sinking into the mattress a bit piece by piece, my feet and legs, then my arms, my back, head and neck and my butt, it lets the rigidity and stress out of the body so it can relax, then I let my mind go blank and resist thinking of anything and before long I'm asleep. Best not to drink liquids after 5PM so you don't get the urge to pee in the middle of the night, because when that happens you can't get back to sleep and the mind starts racing through some unfinished projects.

[iiMTF]

Ok, what has worked for me is a form of self hypnosis where I lay on my back as comfortably as possible, I turn on a quiet running fan as it's "White sound" seems to blot out any background noise. Then I visualize myself sinking into the mattress a bit piece by piece, my feet and legs, then my arms, my back, head and neck and my butt, it lets the rigidity and stress out of the body so it can relax, then I let my mind go blank and resist thinking of anything and before long I'm asleep. Best not to drink liquids after 5PM so you don't get the urge to pee in the middle of the night, because when that happens you can't get back to sleep and the mind starts racing through some unfinished projects.

Thanks, I'll try that out!