I have a friend and I'm finding myself questioning how she really feels about me. We kinda talked before she knew my past, but she seemed a little more distant. Anyway, she had expressed on numerous occasions that she was open-minded about these sorts of things. And for whatever reason, I was alone with her and I really felt the desire to open up about my situation...which is weird because I'm normally very quiet about my history and dread the idea of anyone knowing. But I just felt this very strong pull to tell her, so I did.
And now she's a lot nicer to me, telling me how much she likes me and appreciates me, wanting to spend time with me, etc. And there's a small, distrusting, hostile part of myself that wonders if that's the only reason why. It seemed like when she thought I was cis, she only talked to me sporadically, and now she seems way more interested in being my friend as soon as she knows my past.
Of course, there's a possibility that she is more open to me because I was open with her. She said that she didn't think I was anything other than male, but she definitely felt that I was holding something back and that there was something bothering me about myself. And reflecting on the moment when I told her, there was a LOT of vulnerability there. I was by no means brave or cavalier about coming out, it was evident that it was extremely painful for me to utter those words to someone. Maybe she was able to feel that pain and that vulnerability, and she realized what a gesture it was for me to tell someone.
I don't know what it was that was tugging at me so hard to make myself vulnerable to this person, though. I just hope that the trust I placed in her hasn't been misplaced, and that she likes me as a person, not because she thinks my situation is novel or exotic.
