Bah.... Not as goofy as my last thought....
Really emotional. Feeling so ******* alone in the world right now.... I mean, I know you wonderful people are out there, but right now, I'm on a long train trip home, mildly drunk and.... Well, as usual, I'm thinking and feeling way too much.
I'm thinking things through to their worst conclusions and I'm feeling it all. Such fatalism is easy when yr depressed, drunk and have the capacity to justify any thought you have, if you truly wish to.
But I'm feeling alone on more levels than the obvious.... Like a complete alien in this society.... Maybe I just need a real hug.... But I feel outside of it.... Like the few well-wishers I have are paying lip service 'cause they like me enough to not want me to throw myself off a bridge (not that I'm threatening to), but they just....Can't and won't ever really understand me....
And then that feeling spills out further to prognosticating negativity for every future human relationship I have. People are so filled with negativity and hate.... Can I hope for good things, or should I just live life "en garde", simply expecting the next assault?
Can I have a hope that I'll ever truly be understood? Some of these things are the same things that many people who are not anchored in trans-corner are faced w/ day after day, but.... The numbers don't seem as aggressively against them, as they are for us.... And....
Ugh.... I need to stop before I go too far. I'm still gonna post this drunk/depressive ramble because it is REAL, but I recognise it should probably be deleted and consigned to the sands of time.... Or maybe that is just my crappy outlook showing up again....
Bah.... Anyway, I wish you all the best. Ignore any poison thoughts my ramble may have pushed into yr mind and just keep on being awesome. <3
PS - Bowdlerised for mass consumption, apologies for the potty mouth...
