Quote from: LordKAT on February 16, 2015, 12:16:40 AM
That is OK. Sometimes you need to let it out. I'm not disappearing so if you choose to talk I'll be here somewhere or at work.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 16, 2015, 12:15:20 AM
Ally, I truly hope things improve for you. I hope and pray an opportunity comes that allows you to be able to live in a place that is more excepting and that allows you the financial freedom to start moving forward with your transition. Hugs
Mariah
Thank you both. *hugs*
Mariah, at some stage in the near future (it is already well overdue, in truth) I stand to start receiving money from the inheritance I am due from my father's passing last April.
That will be my ticket out of here. My father was not a wealthy man, but the money will be enough to get the laser and tracheal shave I sorely need to pass and to move to to a safer place in the city.
Once the house is sold, that should leave me w/ the funds I need for SRS. The long term future is okay.... But it is a question of getting to it.
At this point I look passably female except for the beard shadow which I need to CAKE make-up on to almost-kinda-sorta cover, but in truth, it looks ridiculous.
It also draws a lot of attention, as I do; appearing very much between the classical gender binaries at this stage in the game. Of late, I've been getting more and more strange looks because of it and there are some dangerous people in this area. I live just down the road from a highly disreputable bar and the last thing I want is to draw any attention, so in this town, I am a prisoner in my own home.
My only freedom comes in getting to the railway station and escaping for a few hrs, but my limited money (I'm on disability for anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria and post-traumatic stress and am legally restricted from being able to work) allows me only a certain degree of freedom and my appearance is now starting to draw unwanted attention everywhere I go.
The building I live in is the home in which my father passed away, where I came home from work to find him one day, so as you can imagine it is filled w/ bad memories and psychological triggers.....
Ummmm.... I'm not sure where I was going w/ all that (mental blanking thanks to high stress levels).... Oh right, basically, long term is promising and there is a way out, but the stresses and pressures and flat out fear surrounding my current situation make getting through day to day life stressful....
I just happened to pop a cork BIGTIME today thanks to the cumulative stress of traversing my life as it current stands.
But again, thanks for caring enough to respond and for the positive wishes. I'm aware that my situation is not as bad as others and I feel kinda weak in losing it like I have today. Probably better than slipping back towards self-harm or drugs though, right?
