Hair help please? (Yes. Again.)

[Edge]

Right now, most of my hair is a little past my shoulders and it's pretty curly. By curly, I mean it has large curls that make it look like a cross between curly and wavy and it is very difficult to deal with. There are two problems:
1. It doesn't look very masculine. I can make it look more masculine by straightening it, but that takes time I don't always have and is bad for hair anyway.
I've read that it's better not to take care of hair, but that's bs in my case. Maybe that works for other people, but if I don't take care of it, it does not look masculine. It looks like a rat's nest.
Before someone claims I pass just fine here, I should point out that I've only passed a handful of times in real life and it's always when I've straightened my hair.
Also, before someone says it's ok that I look effeminate, I'd like to ask that they put themselves in my shoes and see how they'd like it if they were told it's ok that they look like the wrong gender/someone they're not.
2. It's uncooperative. The curls/waves always seem to curl in directions I don't want. Eventually, my hair will grow long enough to hold itself down, but that's going to take awhile. (Short hair has other problems and I prefer long hair.)
I don't like tying it back in a ponytail both because I think those look kinda dumb on me and not masculine at all and because I prefer to have my hair down.
Any advice on what to do about those problems (that doesn't involve damaging or cutting my hair) is welcome.

I was looking around the internet for ideas on what to do when I came across the idea of wearing a bandana. I tried it and it solved both problems. It makes me look significantly more masculine (although I'd have to test it to see if I get gendered correctly or assumed to be a tomboy) and makes the curls look better. The problem is that, from what I can tell, the consensus on bandanas is that they're stupid and that guys who wear them are d-bags. Or "gangsta," but I think I'm too effeminate looking for that one to be a problem. Seriously, I look more like Will Turner without facial hair (which I still can't grow) and looking like a pirate is no problem to me. Or "gay," but I think having a boyfriend makes me look gay anyway. But I'd still rather not look stupid or like a d-bag. Thoughts?

(Wasn't sure whether to put this in the FtM board or Help and Howto's, but I figured I'd get more responses here.)

[Athena]

It sounds like we have the same type of hair. The curl/waves are annoying and when I let my hair grow out I sometimes get gendered as a woman though it is usually at night. It was priceless when this drunk guy was trying to hit on me until he got close and noticed my goatee at the time boy was he mad .

What I usually do is part it on the side and feather it back. Try to use a more masculine hair style, that might help a bit

[Edge]

Thanks for replying, White Rabbit. Would you mind elaborating on a couple points? (I am completely clueless when it comes to this stuff.)
What's a more masculine hairstyle than the one I have that doesn't involve cutting it short?
Also, what does "feather it back" mean and how does one do it?

[Athena]

Start off with looking at Hitler (yeah I know not a good guy) but instead of having your hair hanging over your eye try to comb it back so it kinda looks like a feather. Also don't get your bangs cut. The feathering style will likely only work until you hit shoulder length then it is likely too long to get a decent look.

Here is a start for other styles
http://www.latest-hairstyles.com/mens/long.html

[Edge]

Oh. I forgot to mention that combing my hair back doesn't help much for either problem.
I don't have bangs. The front is slightly shorter, but that's just because that's how it grows.
I've definitely hit shoulder length and want it to grow longer. I'm a metalhead.

[Taka]

make your very own manly metal facial expression?

have you ever grown your hair long before?
mine doesn't straighten out at all, so i cut it short again and again, despite kind of wanting long hair.
but now that i cut it really short on both sides, i'm hoping that long hair only in the middle will look less of a mess than before.
my brother and uncle both wear ponytail in incredibly curly hair. my uncle's only complaint is that his eyebrows make him look more like a bear than heavy metal. i got better brows than him, but even impossibler hair.

have you tried wearing a hat while your hair dries, or anything like that?
or just wearing a hat, i love hats.

[Edge]

Thanks for replying, Taka.

have you ever grown your hair long before?

Yep. I used to have it down to my lower back. I can't remember at what length it straightens out, but I know it does. Not completely, of course, but enough for the look I want.
Short hair looks horrible on me.

have you tried wearing a hat while your hair dries, or anything like that?
or just wearing a hat, i love hats.

Yeah, but it doesn't help and it's currently far too hot out to wear a hat.

[Taka]

right now i'm seriously happy that i look good with short hair.
it's a real pain when nothing helps at all. though i personally like hats even better when it's hot. protects my brain from being fried by the sun.

[Edge]

That makes sense. I have a low tolerance for heat and wearing hats seems to trap the heat, so I prefer not to wear them.

[Jeatyn]

I have always worn my hair fairly short since transitioning but it was super long and curly in my former life. The inbetween stage when letting it grow always sucks. You could try wetting it, either after a shower or just giving it a quick run over with damp hands. Then putting three or four hair ties in along the length of a ponytail. Then when it dries and you take them out and it should be a bit less poofy and easier to control.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the bandanna idea unless it's not acceptable at work or something. Especially if you're a metal head, just get some metal-y themed ones and you're good to go. I've known plenty of non-gangsta /non-douchey people who wear them. If people are gonna judge you by your bandanna then they'd probably be the type of person who will just judge you for something else if the bandanna isn't there.

If it's a volume or frizz issue, you can get various serums to smooth it down. Or you could do a hidden pony tail, tying back the under-layer, or clip it back. So it removes some of the size from the sides but doesn't look like it's tied back. A more permanent version of that is to get an undercut, you say you don't wanna cut it but that wouldn't remove any length, just volume. I do my partners hair for example and I shave the back and sides, but the top has been growing for a while. So he can wear it down and it looks like normal long hair, or sweep it to the side to show off the shaved bit, or tie it back into a sort of samurai ponytail. You don't need to go for the full on shaved sides but a little trim of the bottom layers might be helpful. You can get special hair thinning scissors that come with instructions and everything.

[Edge]

Thanks, Jeatyn! That helps a lot.

[jamesdoran]

my advice would be kind of like what Jeatyn said, have someone go at it with some thinning shears, so you don't lose length, just volume

super skinny serum by paul mitchell did wonders when my hair was long/frizzy.

[Nygeel]

One idea would be to put sculpting paste in your hair when it's wet. It will help weigh down your hair. A choppy or shaggy cut might help.

[Edge]

Thanks, kdbrrw, but while it is frizzy, the frizziness isn't the problem.
I'm also not keen on the idea of thinning shears.

Thanks, Nygeel, but all of the products I've tried can't weigh my hair down. That may be because I have no clue how to use them, but I could put in enough to make my hair extremely gross and my hair will still curl wherever it wants.

I have played around with my hair and considered the undercut thing and, while it is a possibility I will keep in mind, I don't think it would work for me. My hair would still be wavy/curly and it would be shorter because the top falls a bit above the rest of my hair (it just grew that way). I'm going to try the four ponytail holder thing and see how that goes.

It's not really the volume that's a problem. It's the waviness/curliness.

[jamesdoran]

Have you considered a hair straightening treatment? Like one of the permanent ones they do in salons?

[Edge]

Wouldn't work on my hair (my mom tried something like that and we have the same hair) and is bad for hair.

[Taka]

the ponytail thing works really well. hair would still be a little wavy, but it doesn't curl in a thousand different directions.
had forgotten about that trick... been too long since i had long enough hair for that.
to avoid weird fuzz, you should also wear a bandanna too, while your hair is drying.
instead of hairbands, i've used also a long leather strap that i tied around my ponytail. looks less sparkly girly, and can be easier to get a straighter result with.

braiding the hair is also a way of controlling curls. the curls will end up going only in the direction that they're braided, and the volume will be less.

for an undercut, you don't have to shave off a lot of hair at once. you can take it little by little, allowing the top hair to grow longer while you try to find out how much you have to cut in order to look ok with unruly curls.

[Edge]

I realized a problem: how do I prevent the ponytail from making my hair bend in ways I don't want it to? Namely, not like this:
( )
/ \
The bend being where the first tie is.

My hair is not long enough to braid yet.

[stephaniec]

well, hippi  days are gone , but Arlo Guthrie had beautiful wavy hair actually it was a very prized possession among the Beatles generation. to be honest if I wasn't MTF I still love beautiful long wavy hair, sorry I'll always be a hippi.

[Taka]

I realized a problem: how do I prevent the ponytail from making my hair bend in ways I don't want it to? Namely, not like this:
( )
/ \
The bend being where the first tie is.

the first bend is kind of impossible to avoid if you tie it in your neck, but you could try making several ponytail around your head to see if that makes the hair hang down straighter.
all the bends below the first tie would get straighter when i used that leather strap instead or hairbands. i think the first bend got a little less pronounced too, because i couldn't tie leather as tight as the hairband got.