Are guys who prefer transsexuals "->-bleeped-<-s"?

[Jaz650]

Sorry I had to ask it. Also do we have to share our past when dating? I know a transwoman who didn't tell her husband for twenty five years!

[suzifrommd]

Depends on your definition, I suppose.

I've never dated them, but I've met several men who are "trans-oriented" who are very respectful and polite.

[Athena]

To make an all encompassing statement like that is unfair. Yes there are the perverts out there but there are also nice guys who have a slightly different sexuality then most.

[Tessa James]

beauty is in the mind of the beholder.  One person's perversion is another's passion?

[Adam (birkin)]

I think it depends. I have to ask WHY someone would prefer a transsexual over someone who is cis. The only difference is that we have parts of our bodies that are different and we are often not at peace with, so my guards go up when someone says they prefer trans people. Some people fetishize trans people based on the parts we hate about ourselves (or often hate about ourselves), like I've heard more than one story where a guy gets with a trans woman and then when she wants surgery he tries to convince her not to get it or he wants to leave her. I think that's bull and that suggests to me that they care more about the sexual aspect than about the person.

[Nicolette]

I think it depends. I have to ask WHY someone would prefer a transsexual over someone who is cis. The only difference is that we have parts of our bodies that are different and we are often not at peace with, so my guards go up when someone says they prefer trans people. Some people fetishize trans people based on the parts we hate about ourselves (or often hate about ourselves), like I've heard more than one story where a guy gets with a trans woman and then when she wants surgery he tries to convince her not to get it or he wants to leave her. I think that's bull and that suggests to me that they care more about the sexual aspect than about the person.

I'm an equal opportunist. A guy's wife decides one day to have a phalloplasty. He tries to convince her that it would not be in the interest of their relationship if she goes ahead with it. The wife then chastises her husband for being too fixated on genitals and for not transcending the sexual aspect. I wonder how many guy's would be so laid back about being placed in such predicament. And those that break up the relationship solely because of this aspect, are they all 'perverts'?

[RosieD]

Some are, some aren't. There is nothing wrong with being a pervert so long as it's all safe, sane and consensual.

Rosie

[ImagineKate]

I don't think I'd want to be anyone's fetish. I want someone who loves me for me. All of me.

As for telling them about your past, that's really your choice and is a pretty controversial issue. I don't know how I'd feel if that secret was kept from me for 25 years. I know some people say if you're passable and/or transitioned when young you can get away with it and go deep stealth, but it could catch up with you and the results could be devastating.

The ideal person would be someone who loves you for you and who you are. Not because of who you are, not in spite of it, but someone who loves you and accepts you with all of your qualities.

[Aus76]

Hmmm......

Are all British people pasty?

Do all men have big muscles?

These sorts of questions don't have definitive answers. If you meet a dude and he's a pervert...well, then HE is a pervert.

As far as telling people, that's up to the individual. Personally, as someone just starting and wary of problems.....I think it's better to just get it out there and deal accordingly. Don't want someone to beat me up thinking they "had a reason" in my silence on the issue.

Finally, do I see transwomen as something unusual? Nope. We just had a condition for which we rec'd treatment. Like hormonal braces to straighten our bodies.

[Athena]

It also depends on your definition of pervert. If you are some ultra conservative church lady, walking around in shorts makes you a pervert.
It is my belief that everyone has their own kink, furries bdsm foot fetish and many other types of fetishes. So to me even the ->-bleeped-<-s aren't perverts, they may be jerks scum of the earth bottom feeders that try to take advantage of vulnerable trans women but not perverts. Men that happen to like the feel of a woman but just happen to want to be penetrated with a penis can be decent caring guys who will be helpful and supportive of the trans woman's needs and no way is that perverted.

The people of nambla I would consider perverts.

[Foxglove]

I really wish we could avoid using this word "pervert".  It's applied to us so often, I have a hard time applying it to anyone else, no matter who they are.  If they're really bad people, why not say, "really bad people"?

It seems odd to me, too, that we should label people who are attracted to us "perverts".  What does that say about us?  "You'd have to be a pervert to be attracted to me."

And finally, if word got out that we transsexuals are calling certain people perverts, I can hear all our dedicated enemies roaring with laughter.  "The pot and the kettle, eh?"

[Sybil]

I think men (or women, for that matter) who are attracted to pre-op trans women are far, far too demonized by our community. Here's why I think so:

The person is attracted to a woman with a penis. That isn't inherently wrong, just as it isn't wrong for someone to be attracted to the same sex. The person does not get to decide their sexuality.

The second stage would be the personality. Is the person objectifying their point of attraction with no interest in/respect for the trans woman's humanity? If so, then this is a problem. If not, then it is the same as anyone else seeking out a partner who fits their sexual needs.

Since it has been established that objectification is a problem, let's move onto the alternative. The man (or again, woman) wants to enter a relationship with a pre-op trans woman and enjoy her company, respect her needs, and so on. I think this is completely fine.

Finally, the question comes up of how the man/woman will react if the trans woman desires GRS. I think it's unfair to demonize someone who would not want to stay in the relationship -- the same way it's not necessarily fair to demonize someone who feels uncomfortable with a transitioning partner. It disregards the man/woman's sexuality, and makes it difficult for them to fulfill the needs they initially set out for. I think, with that in mind, it would be wise to discuss wishes for both parties when entering a relationship. If there is a desire for GRS and the partner opposes it, then it may not be a good idea to proceed; in that same vein, it shouldn't be assumed that all trans women have a problem with retaining their initial genitals. Not all trans women mind having a penis.

It would be an issue if one party lied about their desires or their intentions during the relationship's onset. Otherwise, I think there is no issue, and that humans should be free to pursue happiness -- it is a question of individuality.

Edit: some of my prose was irritating me.

[billiejane]

i think it would be incredibly unfair and mean to class a guy who is attracted to transpeople in general as perverts. in my opinion its the same as being gay, or even trans, you cant control it, so saying that they are perverts by default is wrong to me.

personally i find vaginas a bit disgusting and weird, where penis seem more normal, however i am not completely attracted to just guys, as hot as they may be, as i think the female body is a beautiful and amazing thing.

might sound weird, but that's just how it is

[Jaz650]

I think men (or women, for that matter) who are attracted to pre-op trans women are far, far too demonized by our community. Here's why I think so:

The person is attracted to a woman with a penis. That isn't inherently wrong, just as it isn't wrong for someone to be attracted to the same sex. The person does not get to decide their sexuality.

The second stage would be the personality. Is the person objectifying their point of attraction with no interest in/respect for the trans woman's humanity? If so, then this is a problem. If not, then it is the same as anyone else seeking out a partner who fits their sexual needs.

Since it has been established that objectification is a problem, let's move onto the alternative. The man (or again, woman) wants to enter a relationship with a pre-op trans woman and enjoy her company, respect her needs, and so on. I think this is completely fine.

Finally, the question comes up of how will the man/woman react if the trans woman desires GRS. I think it's unfair to demonize someone who would not want to stay in the relationship -- the same way it's not necessarily fair to demonize someone who feels uncomfortable with a transitioning partner. It disregards the man/woman's sexuality, and makes it difficult for them to fulfill the needs they initially set out for. I think, with that in mind, it would be wise to discuss wishes for both parties when entering a relationship. If there is a desire to get GRS, then it may not be a good idea to enter a relationship; in that same vein, it shouldn't be assumed that all trans women have a problem with retaining their initial genitals. Not all trans women mind having a penis.

It would be an issue if one party lied about their desires or their intentions during the relationship's onset. Otherwise, I think there is no issue, and that humans should be free to pursue happiness.

Thank you for the insight. I have learned something new. People attracted to trans people do not choose their attraction. It is their very nature. Just like gay people do not choose their sexual orientation. My apologies if I made anyone feel bad. -Jaz

[Nicole]

I hate "->-bleeped-<-s".
These guys only want you for your body and what extra parts you have.
They do not want to get to know you and you will never change them. You'll never have them love you.

[Juliett]

With the exception of children and violence, there is no such thing as "perverse" It is an abstract nothing that is entirely fictional and arbitrary.

[Mark3]

I'm sorry, but I don't much care for your title...
In fact as a CIS guy who adores many trans people, I'm kind of insulted anyone would even ask if I am a pervert for doing so..??
I better not say any more on this.. *bites tongue*

[Jaz650]

I hate "->-bleeped-<-s".
These guys only want you for your body and what extra parts you have.
They do not want to get to know you and you will never change them. You'll never have them love you.

what are ->-bleeped-<-s? Like guys who chase transsexuals?

[Jaz650]

I'm sorry, but I don't much care for your title...
In fact as a CIS guy who adores many trans people, I'm kind of insulted anyone would even ask if I am a pervert for doing so..??
I better not say any more on this.. *bites tongue*

Sorry if I insulted you. I really am. I'm new to all of this, and I'm just trying to learn. I've never met other trans friends, and I do not know any guys who like trans people. Sorry again to you, and to anybody I offended.

[Nicole]

what are ->-bleeped-<-s? Like guys who chase transsexuals?

I might be showing my age, but its a term for men who want the "she-male" type of transgendered female.

It's like they hunt for them, they want the female body, yet want a penis that acts like its still on a male.

On facebook about 3 years ago (this made me get very tight with who I add) I had a guy add me, all he wanted to know was if I had srs or not, when I wouldn't tell him he went insane, calling me every name under the sun and said that "->-bleeped-<-'s should get their di*ks removed because of guys like him".

I was shocked, my facebook account went into full lockdown after that.