Are guys who prefer transsexuals "->-bleeped-<-s"?

[michelle666]

I deal with ->-bleeped-<-s on a regular basis and they creep me the hell out. I work as a waitress in a drag club a couple of nights a week and the ->-bleeped-<-s find it appropriate to say sexual things to me, try to touch me and follow me out to my car. Telling them I like girls isnt a good enough answer for them. I had a guy grab my crotch one night without any provocation, he quickly found out how bad a light jab to his adams apple hurts. Ive had them follow me into the bathroom in clubs. There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

Right on!

[Jess42]

I deal with ->-bleeped-<-s on a regular basis and they creep me the hell out. I work as a waitress in a drag club a couple of nights a week and the ->-bleeped-<-s find it appropriate to say sexual things to me, try to touch me and follow me out to my car. Telling them I like girls isnt a good enough answer for them. I had a guy grab my crotch one night without any provocation, he quickly found out how bad a light jab to his adams apple hurts. Ive had them follow me into the bathroom in clubs. There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

Not to make light of things michelle but send them my way, I'll show them all about what 666 is all about. But seriously though if you like girls and tell them they should respect that at least. Follow you into the bathroom and then violate you, good for you sis.

Nah. Pepper spray isn't good enough and switchblades are illegal. Tasers work really good and then when the idiot has to walk with a wet spot on his pants, that is priceless.

[chronicle]

I'm a man and I got no idea even what to think of myself. Honnestly its weird to explain but I like women and transsexuals too I guess. I'm a bit filosofical so I'm openminded to most things. So like I sed its hard to explain. I just love the feminine way of thinking and seeing women and transsexuals both have female hormones I guess that would be the same. That being sed If I would meet a transsexual woman I absolutly love, I wouldn't have issues with it. However it would make me feel good/trusted if she would tell she was transsexual after a while and not like wait years.  Finding out later on wouldn't make me feel cheated cause she is transsexual but rather because it would feel like she didn't trust me.

About the men ->-bleeped-<-s. I mostly find that there is a big society expectation to see everything in squares. Men are hunters, sexual, aggro, strong, ... Women are emotions, semi-sexual, happy, ... .
I suppose I'm not a part of such society cause every time I hear of men abusing women I think 'Why would you do that!' or when they shout things in the street. While of course I feel sexually attracted to women as well I just don't always feel/think about them sexually or judge them in my mind. If I would shout or do something mean like that I would feel extremely bad. The same also counts towards females judging males. I absolutely hate it when women think to know how/what I think cause I'm a man. And I feel there are many men like that out there who also wear masks above their kindness. In some way we aren't accepted by society.

Ugh like I have probably shown in my writing I'm confused about a lot of this subject. But perhaps one bottom-line as to my idea about transsexuals at this moment: I see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

[janetcgtv]

To Me:

Who cares what you want to name them.

The ONLY thing that should matter is how they love,care, and treat us.

[Nicole]

Dahlia, you've nailed it.  If a guy is interested in me because of what I am, then yeah, there's a chance that he's a "pervert".  If he's interested in me because of who I am, then no, it's just regular attraction.  It's the same for any fetish - it's an attraction to a specific characteristic or act, not an attraction to the person as a whole.

Whether that's right or wrong, good or bad, is a whole different conversation...

100% agree with the post you quoted!!


From what I know with the "->-bleeped-<-s" that I've come across is that many of them are rude pigs.
While I'll never say that all are, a huge number on the internet are.

For some reason they want a pair of boobs & a dick, not the person, not the wonderful mind & heart and the second you think about SRS they dumb you.

[Taka]

I used to think "If you're so attracted to penises, why don't you just date cis men?" or "If you're so attracted to vagina's, why don't you just date cis women?", but then I got to thinking that maybe it isn't just about genitals.

that's the kind of thinking which kept me from even considering doing anything about my transness, for several years. i like guys, guys would love me with the body i have right now. why go through all the trouble to transition into a body that neither men nor women would like (because women couldn't possibly accept something as incomplete as a neo penis. etc.)
in the end i realized that's just bias learned from society and parents. nothing to do with reality, nothing to do with my own instinct and true feelings. opening my mind to minority sexualities also opened the door to my true self and enabled me to accept the person i really am.

That is the whole thing right there. You deserve a cookie Mark. It's about emotional bonds and maybe later on love. Sex and genitalia and so on should take a backseat to the person and getting to know that person on deeper levels.

but genitalia matter. sex hormones matter. looks matter. the whole person matters when it comes to sexuality, everything from theri personality to the tiniest details of their body. but what parts matter differs from person to person. there are some body scents that i can't stand, no matter how perfect everything else of that person is, i wouldn't be able to have a good relationship with them. i can see the same with genitals, vagina or penis matters, but they stand apart from the person's looks, personality, gender, or sex hormones.
to me, genitals don't matter. but that's only me. if a guy can't love a woman "just" because she removes her penis, it's not much different from a woman who can't become a lesbian just for the sake of maintaining a relationship with her suddenly wife. and if a guy needs boobs and vagina on his partner, it is unfair to tell him to accept his no longer girlfriend after a full transition.
relationships that involve sex have other rules than other relationships. one of the rules is that the persons must be sexually compatible, like having parts that the other person either loves or at least doesn't mind. genitals don't matter in friendships, but you can't tell a person to love you both emotionally and sexually based solely of a strong emotional bond.

[long post]

the discrimination from women towards men is really interesting, though probably also hurtful to men who are way closer to loving and caring than the stereotype. i always present male on online forums, but having grown up female, i don't have a good enough feel for what's appropriate for a man to say in places where there are also women. some of my opinions will be interpreted with an added bias against men in general, and the responses i get are completely different from what i would have gotten if i were to present female. i already know what women can say, and it's a whole lot more, and terrible, and aggressive, and perverted, and sexist, than what women allow any man to say before he's tagged pervert, sexist, and all kinds of things that women who make the same statements aren't.

i like your view on relationships and love.

[aleon515]

I know women who appear to really like trans guys. I have met some of them socially, and liked them. They have become part of the larger LGBT community in that they become allies, in some cases strong ones. I would hate to characterize people like that. OTOH, there are creepy gals who try and get admission into all guy trans groups to kind stalk trans men. (I know this was oriented to MTFs but it goes the other way too, and I don't know any men who prefer trans women, but there are alternative sexualities. I don't, anymore, automatically consider these weird or strange.

--Jay

[Jeatyn]

The only time something like this has bothered me was a girl I briefly dated once saying she liked my trans-ness because it meant I understood how women think and ergo this would make me a better boyfriend. I was like...well not really...just because I had the outer casing for a large part of my life doesn't mean I have a perfect grasp on "the female brain" ... whatever that means I might be able to sympathise with how much periods suck but other than that the whole point of transition is that I do not have a female brain.

If anyone has ever watched the IT crowd there was a storyline at one point where the boss dated a trans woman and he liked her so much because she acted like a man. (the usual stereotypical stuff...drinking beer, watching sports, blah blah) They did the exact same thing in two and a half men with a trans-man character too, he acted like a stereotypical woman. I realise these are just comedy shows and yeah, I still laughed; but it is interesting how a lot of people seem to think that we transition and then proceed to act/think/behave as our birth sex. (I also realise that there's no specific set of behaviour and thoughts for each gender...but hopefully my point still comes across)

I've dated many guys who have said they liked me because I was a "man in a womans body" - this was before I came out, they pretty much hit the nail on the head, what they actually meant was I had all the female parts they wanted but at the same time I acted like one of the guys. That type of attraction often dies pretty quickly once physical changes start to come about but the same could be said for somebody putting on 100lbs while in a relationship, would it be wrong of their partner to no longer find them attractive? Some might say so, but at the same time we spout about how sexuality isn't a choice. That mantra shouldn't only apply to gay people who like the plain vanilla variety of same sex relationships.

My current partner could be classified as a ->-bleeped-<- in some peoples eyes. Like someone who posted above his reaction to me explaining my situation was "that's so cool"  - he's totally into any sort of gender bending and enjoys TS porn. I fail to see how this is a problem, he thinks my body is awesome. When I had boobs, great, he loves boobs. Now I have a man-chest, great, he loves that too. I have a V - he's down with that, if I wanted phallo, cool, D's are great too We also happen to have a strong emotional bond, but even if that wasn't there I wouldn't have had a problem jumping in the sack with him for some fun times.

I just find it confusing how some TS people automatically dismiss anyone who finds their body attractive. What's the alternative? That they like your personality but hate your body and wish you were cis? That seems much worse to me. I understand that for some people this only becomes an issue when the person in question doesn't have any interest in the actual person and just their body (and may or may not use trickery to get them in the sack before dumping them) - but you know what, that doesn't just apply to TS people. There's endless amounts of people who will tell the object of their affections that they're the love of their life and then never call them again once they sleep together; but dismissing every single person who hints at the fact they like the idea of a TS body could lead to missing an opportunity to get to know someone great.

There's many trans people who don't like the idea of dating other trans people (there's many a thread on the subject) - does that make them cis-->-bleeped-<-s?

[Dahlia]

I'm a man and I got no idea even what to think of myself. Honnestly its weird to explain but I like women and transsexuals too I guess. I'm a bit filosofical so I'm openminded to most things. So like I sed its hard to explain. I just love the feminine way of thinking and seeing women and transsexuals both have female hormones I guess that would be the same. That being sed If I would meet a transsexual woman I absolutly love, I wouldn't have issues with it. However it would make me feel good/trusted if she would tell she was transsexual after a while and not like wait years.  Finding out later on wouldn't make me feel cheated cause she is transsexual but rather because it would feel like she didn't trust me.

About the men ->-bleeped-<-s. I mostly find that there is a big society expectation to see everything in squares. Men are hunters, sexual, aggro, strong, ... Women are emotions, semi-sexual, happy, ... .
I suppose I'm not a part of such society cause every time I hear of men abusing women I think 'Why would you do that!' or when they shout things in the street. While of course I feel sexually attracted to women as well I just don't always feel/think about them sexually or judge them in my mind. If I would shout or do something mean like that I would feel extremely bad. The same also counts towards females judging males. I absolutely hate it when women think to know how/what I think cause I'm a man. And I feel there are many men like that out there who also wear masks above their kindness. In some way we aren't accepted by society.

Ugh like I have probably shown in my writing I'm confused about a lot of this subject. But perhaps one bottom-line as to my idea about transsexuals at this moment: I see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

Have you ever met MTF in 3d?

[Jess42]

but genitalia matter. sex hormones matter. looks matter. the whole person matters when it comes to sexuality, everything from theri personality to the tiniest details of their body. but what parts matter differs from person to person. there are some body scents that i can't stand, no matter how perfect everything else of that person is, i wouldn't be able to have a good relationship with them. i can see the same with genitals, vagina or penis matters, but they stand apart from the person's looks, personality, gender, or sex hormones.
to me, genitals don't matter. but that's only me. if a guy can't love a woman "just" because she removes her penis, it's not much different from a woman who can't become a lesbian just for the sake of maintaining a relationship with her suddenly wife. and if a guy needs boobs and vagina on his partner, it is unfair to tell him to accept his no longer girlfriend after a full transition.
relationships that involve sex have other rules than other relationships. one of the rules is that the persons must be sexually compatible, like having parts that the other person either loves or at least doesn't mind. genitals don't matter in friendships, but you can't tell a person to love you both emotionally and sexually based solely of a strong emotional bond.

Your right Taka. Genitals do matter in a sexual relationship. We all like what we like and prefer what we prefer. But in a loving relationship a lot of people can overlook "certain things". I like people with two arms and two legs, but if I met a really special someone that there was some sort of emotional bond. I wouldn't care because I would be drawn to that emotional attraction. Same way with looks, god I love beautiful girls and handsome guys, and looks can turn me on. But I am always drawn to the personalities and how well theirs fit mine.

So I definitely agree with you, but when it comes to loving someone and forming emotional bonds, the sexual characteristics can be overlooked. Say I met a wonderful guy, cute, romantic, caring, treated me with respect, makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself and so on. If that same guy couldn't "perform" in that way, it would in no way be a deal breaker for me. I would much rather have those characteristics in a romantic interest than the sexual things. As a matter of fact I would much rather have those emotional characteristics and personality than looks even. But I'm not normal anyway.

[Jenna Marie]

Almost all ts/cis couples consist of mtf and a ciswoman (who stayed after hubby transitioned to MTF)
I know several mtf/mtf couples who met post transition that is.

I also know wives/gf's of MTF who -understably-  quit the relationship for not being a lesbian and not willing to invest in a "one way relationship" with someone who's totally self absorbed because of transitioning etc.
And not willing to trade hubby's ID crisis for one of their own.

Do you have any evidence for this?

I checked with my wife, who has been doing outreach to other couples all over the place for years, and she says "almost all" is not accurate according to her experiences - that there are maybe a few more cis woman/trans woman couples than the other possibilities, but she hears from quite a lot of cis woman/trans man couples, for example.

(A peek into Susan's SO section shows the same; plus there's even a cis man in this thread dating a trans woman, and one trans guy on this site whose husband stayed after he transitioned.)

[Sybil]

(A peek into Susan's SO section shows the same; plus there's even a cis man in this thread dating a trans woman, and one trans guy on this site whose husband stayed after he transitioned.)

For what it's worth, I've been with a cis man for a few months now. He isn't into pre-op trans women; simply put, he's extremely fond of me and willing to wait until I can "fix" things.

I've known of several other trans woman/cis man couples as well. I don't think it's too terribly rare.

[Jenna Marie]

Sybil, I don't think so either, based on what I've seen! Still waiting patiently for Dahlia's evidence; perhaps there *have* been studies done, and you and I are just in unusual circles.

[Allyda]

Personally, I'm not able to have an intimate relationship with anyone until after my SRS due to my crippling genital dysphoria. That being said, Though I'm getting a lot of attention from guys while I'm out and about it has nothing to do with my being trans or IS for they simply don't have any way of knowing about it.

Those guys that do know me though, are an all together different story. I've actually had a former friend approach me and ask me if I've had my operation yet. I know I prolly don't need to explain the look on my face when he said this. Well, after assuring him it wasn't any of his business, I asked him why he wanted to know. Which, he explained to me he wanted to ask me out, but not if I've already had my surgery, and asked me out to dinner assumingly.

This is when I explained to him I'm lesbian, and what that means to me. To keep the peace where I live though I was as polite as possible. I've known the guy for quite a while and have never known him to be perverted. He left on good terms. Does him not wanting a date after I've had my surgery make him a pervert? In his case I don't think so. It only makes him a normal guy with a fantasy.

Best wishes everyone!
Ali

[Emily1996]

I think that guys that are only interested in transexual women for the genital part for a fetish are ->-bleeped-<-s.

[Jess42]

Personally, I'm not able to have an intimate relationship with anyone until after my SRS due to my crippling genital dysphoria. That being said, Though I'm getting a lot of attention from guys while I'm out and about it has nothing to do with my being trans or IS for they simply don't have any way of knowing about it.

Those guys that do know me though, are an all together different story. I've actually had a former friend approach me and ask me if I've had my operation yet. I know I prolly don't need to explain the look on my face when he said this. Well, after assuring him it wasn't any of his business, I asked him why he wanted to know. Which, he explained to me he wanted to ask me out, but not if I've already had my surgery, and asked me out to dinner assumingly.

This is when I explained to him I'm lesbian, and what that means to me. To keep the peace where I live though I was as polite as possible. I've known the guy for quite a while and have never known him to be perverted. He left on good terms. Does him not wanting a date after I've had my surgery make him a pervert? In his case I don't think so. It only makes him a normal guy with a fantasy.

Best wishes everyone!
Ali

OK I may be different, maybe a little strange and maybe a little weird, a little insane and a little crazy. I don't have crippling gender dysphoria even though I would rather have something than what I got. I guess my little eccentricities really give me and accepting view of everyone. This is just me though. You have to do and feel what is right for you. But some guys like the woman better than the genitals. But again Allyda, you have to do what you feel is right for you and no one else. But love comes from really strange places. Not fetishistic places but sometimes out of the blue, regardless. So in my experience don't deny it if it comes your way.

I think that guys that are only interested in transexual women for the genital part for a fetish are ->-bleeped-<-s.

I agree if it is only for the genitalia part. Sorry Emily but in my experiences a lot fall for the feminine and the way we embrace the femininity and are not attracted by the genitalia we have but the femininity we so much hold dear to our hearts and express. I mean, I don't go even one day with cactus legs. But with me, no Boudoir relations until after three or four dates. Three or four extremely romantic dates to prove that I am worth it by them. Kissing and "first base" is fine but I will not give it up on the first date. This weeds out the Dawgs. Some if not most are attracted to the femininity more than the genitalia and as long as you make them feel like are real masculine man, that is all that a lot of them care for. As long as you can make them feel like really masculine men, they can be yours.

The ones that are interested in genitalia, I even give them a chance as long as they treat me like a woman and not a hit it and get it dawg. I have been a conquest before and no more. You gotta prove to me I am worth it. Does that make Sense? 

[Adam (birkin)]

I just find it confusing how some TS people automatically dismiss anyone who finds their body attractive. What's the alternative? That they like your personality but hate your body and wish you were cis? That seems much worse to me. I understand that for some people this only becomes an issue when the person in question doesn't have any interest in the actual person and just their body (and may or may not use trickery to get them in the sack before dumping them) - but you know what, that doesn't just apply to TS people. There's endless amounts of people who will tell the object of their affections that they're the love of their life and then never call them again once they sleep together; but dismissing every single person who hints at the fact they like the idea of a TS body could lead to missing an opportunity to get to know someone great.

I totally see where you are coming from, but for me, my ideal situation would be someone who just accepted that I don't have a penis. But it seems so often it goes further than that...people thinking that a man with a vagina is sexy. Well, no, for me, it's NOT sexy, it's horrible and I really try to ignore the fact that I have that part. I know not everyone is the same and some are OK with what they have but I'm not and it would creep me out if someone told me my vag was sexy, period. I mean hey, you can think I have a handsome face, or nice arms (if I was ripped lol), or a great butt or whatever. You can find my personality sexy. But I don't trust people who want near the vag.

Like if a cis dude lost his penis and all he had left was a little insensate stump, I doubt people would go "omg your stump is so sexy I want to touch it." They'd be like "meh he doesn't have a dick but he's handsome and the rest of him is hot."

[Mark3]

I see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

That was also pretty much me 4-5 years ago... 
Obviously I don't or would not "chase" anyone even before I was married cuz I was so shy/withdrawn, but anyone female was within my preferred attractiveness scale.. But after thinking more about it since my earlier post, I don't know how I would handle the trans issues in a new relationship unless I'd actually have done it, to be 100% honest..?
I'd like to think it wouldn't matter, or even add some level of uniqueness and difference I would find even more attractive within her person, but until faced with it, I don't really know..?

[Allyda]

OK I may be different, maybe a little strange and maybe a little weird, a little insane and a little crazy. I don't have crippling gender dysphoria even though I would rather have something than what I got. I guess my little eccentricities really give me and accepting view of everyone. This is just me though. You have to do and feel what is right for you. But some guys like the woman better than the genitals. But again Allyda, you have to do what you feel is right for you and no one else. But love comes from really strange places. Not fetishistic places but sometimes out of the blue, regardless. So in my experience don't deny it if it comes your way.

Oh if that, true love were to come my way, no, I'd never turn it down. But alas, I don't think love other than friendship is in the cards for me. So I have nothing to worry about.

Ali