i was saved by the internet. have been depressed for so long that i don't really know when it started. mostly because i was never allowed to express anything at home, much less gender atypical behavior or preferences. but somehow, the internet helped me realize there was more reason to how i've been feeling out of place at all times. i've always known, just not pain attention. and internet also showed me how great it feels to be able to have my own identity, and not being forced or expected to act like someone else.
while still unable to transition, it has helped me a lot to find ways of being true to myself, express myself the way i feel is natural, and having online communities where i can be the real me. it also helped a lot to just accept that transitioning is a process that takes time. lots of time. and that's only if you get access to medical treatment. so have patience, don't expect or hope for a miracle, and instead do what you can do without medical treatment. like expressing your true self, and not letting others disrespect you for that.
repressing dysphoria creates lots of of troubles, just like repressing any other emotion or feelings. you don't have to transition just to stop repressing dysphoria, it's enough to accept yourself as who you are, and understand that you are who you are, no matter what you look like, and no matter if you can transition right now or have to wait for a little bit. dysphoric feelings about your body are a little more difficult to deal with, it might help to simply feel sad about not looking right, when the feelings hit, instead of hating. a whole lot of everything are processes within yourself. this is a fight that you have to fight with yourself in order to grow strong enough to face society openly and without fear, when you have confidence in who you are, other people will find your story much more easy to believe as well.
also, get that haircut. society can't prevent you from that, neither can your family. take the scissors in your own hand if you have to, it's a really nice feeling to cut off unneeded hair. all changes, even the small ones, help relieve dysphoria, by reminding you that the future isn't set in stone, and any changes are still possible.
