Some time ago, I met a guy who was really nice and and always smiling at me. I didn't even know him, but he told me I had this great personality and he tried to get to know me. I couldn't handle it.
But now it has given me perspective. I kinda stalk him on faceboook and I'm not happy or proud to admit it. But it's just that he gave me some hope that I could be one day loveable despite who I am. It's not even that I am interested in him, but I felt a connection could have formed and it didn't. So now I'm frustrated. Sometimes I just don't believe I am ever gonna be in a romantic relationship, especially cause I am lonely and have so few friends. And I ain't exactly the type of "guy" everybody wants to date, so feminine and feminine looking as well with such a baby voice. As a trans woman, I can only imagine it getting harder. But I don't know. I may be wrong, or I am probably trivializing. I am not even saying trans women aren't loveable, obviously you girls are amazing and all, but i struggle. Because I know how much society sees us in a negative light, and it affects our social bondage greatly and the ability to form genuine connections.
It's not like I try that much anyway. Maybe because deep within I still feel worthless despite the path of self-acceptance I have walked. But it's so difficult.
Thank you for reading.
