afraid of taking the next step

[lucaluca]

hello,

maybe this is a question which was asked before and maybe it is a question with no satisfying answer, but i have to ask it
i am going to make an appointment with a therapist next week and i notice that i get nervous and afraid. in the last 4 years i talked already with two different therapists but every time i became afraid of the whole situation and i convinced myself that this trans issue is just an illusion. but i guess it is not and i lost four precious years. i have this feeling my whole life but i am too afraid to make the next steps! i am going to make the appointment, no one (besides the therapists) will find out about my problems, so it will still be a "secret". but the idea to tell my family and friends is so scary!

what have you done in that situation?

[Tessa James]

Our fears can become toxic and paralyzing.  My old fears about the truth of being trans sure were.  I tried to remember that the fearful voice i kept hearing was my own.  I created the monster and I could let it go.  I hope you keep moving forward and find some peace.  The sense of freedom and relief I found with self acceptance was profoundly altering and I am completely grateful I can be myself at last.  Hiding is horrid!

[stephaniec]

well, its not going away

[Megumi]

This is where you have to ask yourself, what do YOU really want?

For me I was a lot like you in many ways. Scared of people finding out, actually transitioning seemed like a very scary proposition, I was certain that my family would murder me"that was a legitimate thought in my mind"...ect many other things. What it all amounted to was me pushing my true feelings into the closet time and time again until I couldn't take things anymore. I made it up to the point where I would either option 1, end it all. Or option 2, move forward to transition and risk everything in the process. I made it to option 2 the very hard and painful way in a manner that I'm not proud of but a lot of us end up making an attempt on our lives before we do what we have too to live.

While things have been difficult for me in the family side of things everything else has been great. I'm living full time and folks at work are happy for me, I get gendered correctly in public and everyone that doesn't know I'm transgender treats me no differently than any other woman, people that DO know that I'm transgender treat me very well as well. Out of the hundreds of people I know in person only a few are jerks to me but the majority are there cheering me on to be me because they saw that I was spiraling down quickly and didn't know why but now I'm one of the brightest shining happy people you'll ever meet as I'm finally able to be ME! 

[Ravensong]

I can see where you are coming from.  I am actually pretty scared to take the next step at this point, seeing a gender specialist.  I'm out to some of my family, some of my friends and some people at work, already.  I have a lot of things up in the air, and so I'm hesitant to do anything until things become more stable, but at the same time I realize that I am among the greats when it comes to procrastination and avoidance.  I know I just need to buckle down and do it.  I know I will feel better when I take those next steps, its just actually taking those steps, to make that leap into Dauntless (for those who have seen Divergent ).

[mrs izzy]

Small steps are all ok to take.

You just need to make them.

The sessions need to be honest and from the heart. Remember you are paying them money for them to help you.

But i am not going to lie, you can stuff the feelings for years. Then one day they just will not stuff anymore and then what. Its all going to be the same then as it is now.

So relax, we have been there our self's but it truly is nice to get things off your mind so there can be a plan of action.

Where hare standing and giving our support.

Hugs

[JoanneB]

Going to see a therapist isn't an automatic "Transition" sentence. In fact it may. over time, allow you see that transitioning is not the only way to handle being trans.

Baby steps.

[Rachel]

My therapist told me to focus on today and take today on.

When I was strong enough to come out to some family, coworkers, HR and my Boss and some others coming out became easier each time. When they had the information it was no longer hidden (felt good) and it was their turn. They had to act or react to the information. Some did well and others have issues with the information and their own bigotry and ignorance. Funny thing is that the ones who can not learn and embrace me become distanced and I know who I can count on. 

One of the persons I was fearful to come out to was my boss. I came out to him May 15, 2013 and I came out totally. Not only that I am trans but transsexual and my past where I had been with all races, sexes and genders one way or another. He had a tough time looking at me for a while when we spoke. I recently had my evaluation ( did very well and I was promoted this year) and when we were done he asked me how I was making out personally. I think he wanted to know if I was going to come out fully at work this year. I told him I had been working on resolving verbal, physical and sexual abuse when I was younger. Also, that I had to balance procedures with a potential divorce and deal with GD which is hell. I told him without HRT I would have been gone. I started to get a little emotional. He asked how he could help and I said being there and treating me like everyone else is enough. After our monthly meetings we chat about lots of things such as family and just normal stuff. When I was ready I took a risk. Not in telling him I am transsexual a year and a half ago, I took a risk to let him see who I am. look him in the face and said I am who I am. I earned something when I did that. I looked at my fear ( I thought I would be fired) and I showed my fear it did not define me. The feeling is so freeing and empowering.

I have been in therapy for about 19 months and making a little progress each week. It has helped me be me. Sounds simple but it is not. It is a lot of hard work. Good luck and give yourself a chance to explore.

[katiej]

I can see where you are coming from.  I am actually pretty scared to take the next step at this point, seeing a gender specialist.  I'm out to some of my family, some of my friends and some people at work, already.  I have a lot of things up in the air, and so I'm hesitant to do anything until things become more stable, but at the same time I realize that I am among the greats when it comes to procrastination and avoidance.  I know I just need to buckle down and do it.  I know I will feel better when I take those next steps, its just actually taking those steps, to make that leap into Dauntless (for those who have seen Divergent ).

^^This = me.  Therapy is the next step for me as well.  I just moved to Seattle (a very trans-friendly city), and I've chosen a therapist.  I'm just waiting to get settled in a bit before going to see her.  I wouldn't say I'm scared, but things are getting very real very quickly.  I'll actually have to start making decisions instead of being passively miserable. 

And I loved the Dauntless reference.  Have you read the books?

[Ravensong]

^^This = me.  Therapy is the next step for me as well.  I just moved to Seattle (a very trans-friendly city), and I've chosen a therapist.  I'm just waiting to get settled in a bit before going to see her.  I wouldn't say I'm scared, but things are getting very real very quickly.  I'll actually have to start making decisions instead of being passively miserable. 

And I loved the Dauntless reference.  Have you read the books?

No, I have not yet.  I plan to though.  Just have to put them on my list for the library.    You're lucky to be in Seattle.  I'm in Fort Lauderdale, and while there are some trans-friendly places and areas, a majority of the area is not.

[katiej]

No, I have not yet.  I plan to though.  Just have to put them on my list for the library. 

Do read them.  They're definitely worth your time.  And after you read book 3, you should PM me.  You'll see why 

[Ravensong]

Do read them.  They're definitely worth your time.  And after you read book 3, you should PM me.  You'll see why 

I plan to. Putting a hold in for them now.

[Jessica Merriman]

If it helps any my fears proved to be most unfounded. I was almost angry when I planned for the worse from everyone and nothing happened. Just go in and talk to them. If you are honest you will find help and support just like you have here. Good luck! 

[Kaydee]

Whenever I feel those fears arising, I just tell myself they are proof that I have something I need to take care of.  sure I can try to hide from my fears.   Perhaps that will keep me from facing them for a while.  But I have found that if I run from my fears, they find me again later.

The only way to get rid of the fear is to face it.  I think if you do you will find that the fear is all that is stopping you.   Reality is usually a lot more friendly than are our private demons.

Personally the fear kept me from confronting this until I was in my 50's.   I regret that now. But I have learned so much about myself in the last year and wouldn't want to go back for any reason.