Me, night and that uneasy fealing

[immortal gypsy]

I've been having a little bit of a problem latley but first some context.

Since I was about 17 apart from one year when I was in the bank, (yes before you ask. That bank). I have always worked in hospitality/gaming industry in some shape or form. (started in a kitchen, now I take bets for a living). This means I've had to accept certin things I don't have a traditional weekend, late night or early morning finishes and a different social life then most my age would have.

Now I am not able to drive so comming home has always been interesting running for the last train, waiting 50min for the bus at 2am, waiting at a train station for over an hour or a nice long walk home. I have had the types of people talk to me that make you want to smile and back away slowly, been intimadated and also assulted. To this day I will walk on the otherside of the street then pass someone at night. I know, I have experienced what is out there

Now this is where my problem is coming from, for the past few nights after work or just when I'm coming home at night. I see a group of people or somebody says something to me, I instantly go onto high alert and start looking at where I am (can I make that landing safely, will that take my weight if I climb it, should I get off at the stop). I know that as much as we should all be allowed to go wherever and whenever we like at whatever time we like, but there is privilage in today's world and a 5ft male is going to be safer then a 6ft female at night.

Right now I'm still presenting as male nothing I can think off has triggered this for me, so I don't know why the high alert all of a sudden. It is now 5.30in the arfternoon I am still on edge from last night and I am not looking forward to going home tonight. Oh what fun happy time right now

Thank you for listening

[Ms Grace]

You are right to be concerned for your safety. Those times are late and in remote locations such as train stations and bus stops they can be downright dangerous. You should think of a few personal safety measures such as an alarm or bright flash light. Given the time of night I gather it's not possible to have someone pick you up? At least from the station?  That would be the safest option.

[rosinstraya]

Sorry you've got this happening to you right now.

Has anything changed recently to put you more on edge? I understand if you've had the experience of being attacked, you want to be absolutely careful.

I think Grace's suggestions are useful. Is there someone from work who could give you a lift if you're leaving late at night, or does your employer offer cabcharges for those in your situation? Surely they want their employees to be safe.

Take care and safe travels!

[Mark3]

Yes, I agree also, its dangerous being alone at that hour, anyone would feel the same, its a rational fear to have..
The best answer is not being alone, but that doesn't sound possible in your case..?
Just please be careful, and stay safe..
I wish I could walk you to the train, I certainly would.. Try and find someone.?

[immortal gypsy]

A bright mini mag light might be needed.

Thankfully my current job I finish late but with it being in Lidcombe and me living around the Parramatta area I am usually home the same day I finish work, but it can be dangerous at anytime off night. (Twice on a Penrith train before 9.30)

Unfortunatley it isn't possible for me to be picked up as I live away from my friends that have cars, but I am becoming more forcefuly for asking a lift home when we are out. Or at least to walk with me to the bus stop, train station so I have been learning just right now it has been interesting

On a bus on a train I'm fine it's suddenly my suburb has me jumping at every single shadow

[Cindy]

If it's regular can you notify the local police? They tend to prefer women coming home being safe and do understand if we have regular late shifts. They may just change a patrol car route around the area.

Hugs.

Cindy

[Ms Grace]

I live out in the west too and once, on my way home, had some guy follow me into a park "to talk to me" at about 11pm. I'd never had that happen to me in guy mode of course, in girl mode I actually felt vulnerable despite being 6'3" (and taller than him). Fortunately he went away when I told him too but it really freaked me out and I've caught the bus or a cab home after 9ish ever since.

[Cindy]

Grace you just hit me with something that I hadn't realized

I now catch cabs all the time, I use to walk, but if I go out get a cab any distance, back seat. I'd missed how I had adapted - cost more money - sure. Sadly, that is the territory.

[immortal gypsy]

I remeber you posting that Grace, maybe that and some other threads latley have been getting me more wound up then I relised.

First time somebody tried to rob me near here I ended up catching a taxi home from the station for about a month $15 a night to go round the corner.

This will be an ajustment for me. While being on edge I use to inwardly smile when cars would slow late at night passing me seeing if I was a guy or a girl. Or when me and an ex use to get a honk from a car we would laugh.  That was then when I was young, stupid and invincable. This is now I'm older wiser and much more jaded. Right now I feel like if I give in to this fealing I would be sacrafising my inderpendence something I have always strived to establish and maintain since I was a very young child

[immortal gypsy]

Finished work tonight safe counted. Now I'm home, still jumpy but it is amazing what an earlier stop, shorter walk and being able to go past houses and not a park does for the nerves.  (unfortunately I can't count on being able to do this every night)

I have to take some rubbish and what not outside,  but I think that can wait until morning. I'm still not completely back to my normal self.

I can't believe I'm saying this but right now I can't wait for summer. Daylight savings and the extra hour of sunlight not much but I'll take what I can get

[LordKAT]

I don't understand that, you don''t save any daylight and the number of hours of daylight are exactly the same without moving the clock.  BTW, I also work night shifts.

[Frankie]

Hello Immortal Gypsy, glad you got home safe. I am not sure where you live, but my advice would be the same. (I was a police officer in a former life) I use to tell people (mostly women) Buy yourself a can of bear spray, it is not illegal in most states like mace or pepper spray. Bear spray can be purchased online if you don't live in an area where bears are. It can shoot quite a distance with a very tight stream, it is designed to fend off 600 pound + animals that should cover just about anything on the street. Also keep it by your bed at night. Another item to use for self defense is wasp & hornet spray, it too has about a 20 foot shooting distance and can be purchased just about anywhere. Keep it by your bed at night, your office desk or anywhere you may feel like you might have to defend yourself. In most cases no one would give it a second look or question why it's there. It will buy you enough time to make an escape and hopefully if you shoot the attacker in the face, it will disable them. Hope this helps

[immortal gypsy]

Thank you to all of you that have read this, and or taken the time to reply.

For now I'm going to have to find my mini mag light,  and ask a friend if they can pick me up sometimes. I will probably end up at there place but they have been saying the want to see more of me so they should be willing to go out of there way.

Due to the nature of my job I have to wear a security pendent it is functional a small range outside of work, and it will bring police running with guns drawn.  (Not something I want to use but nice to have).

The problem I'm seeing with this right now is while they are good measures for personal protection, and anyone finishing late at night (male or female) should think about this. It is a little bit of a band-aid for me. I use to love the night and am fiercely independent, (I use to "walk" to a station in not the safest area at 2am on cruches). Right now even going down my driveway at night is making me uneasy.

Something has knocked me off balance and I don't know what. Until I figure out what and address the issue itself I won't be able to move on. Even by coping adapting and moving on. Or facing and correcting the problem head on