I've knowingly felt depression since I started college. This had gotten worse since discovering I was transgender, because as well as making my depression worse, I had/have body dysphoria. I have always felt disconnected from how my body is and never felt it belonged to me, but I viewed this feeling as normal. I now know it's because I'm trans. I came out to you in April 2013 because my depression became unbearable and so did my dysphoria. I didn't know what the outcome would be, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. You wanted me to get diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but I cancelled the appointment. At that time I didn't want to take hormone replacement therapy (HRT), so didn't see the use of going, as well as the psychiatrist not being a gender therapist and me knowing I was trans, so didn't need a diagnoses. Being transgender is something you're born with like being born gay and you wouldn't go to see a psychiatrist to diagnose you as such. Since then and the present my depression has only gotten worse, although I have felt a bit more confident about my body since buying a chest binder. A chest binder is a elasticated vest that's specially designed for transgender men to make their chest appear flat. Since buying this I can now go outside in just a t shirt without feeling self conscious, when before I'd have to wear a jacket to cover up. I've also felt happier and almost excited at my decision to take HRT. Although this is marred by people calling me by female pronouns and my birth name, as I know I'm male and know that that isn't who I am or feel to be.
I plan to change my name to Mr Elis Hall. I've liked the name Elis for the last 4 years and I've looked it up on the internet and found out you can change your social title without legally changing your gender. I've always strongly disliked my birth name as found it was too feminine and I obviously want a male name as I am male. After changing my name by deed poll, I will subsequently notify the bank, job centre and other places which will need to know. After doing this, I will go to the GP and tell them to refer me to the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) in Charing Cross. This is the correct procedure to get referred. The GIC is a NHS run service specifically for transgender people to receive counselling by gender therapists and to be prescribed hormones and to receive advice about surgery if the person wants it. I will not be there to get diagnosed, but to let them know I'm trans to be prescribed Testosterone (T). This hormone will masculinise my body so my outside will match how I feel inside. It'll take around 6 months for me to look recognisably male and it'll take a few months to get an appointment at the GIC as they have a long waiting list.
I know it won't be easy to do, but I'm prepared to tell the boss I'll work for that I'm trans if need be. I also know that relatives may not see this favourably. I also know that I may face discrimination, but I see it as a choice between coasting along as I am continually depressed and faced with body dysphoria daily or taking T which will give me the best chance of making me happy. I've thought about this constantly for nearly two years, so hope you respect my decision and realise this isn't just something I made up on a whim.
I'll also include links to help him to understand, which will include the GIC website and NHS web pages on being trans.
