OCD Vs. Transgendered

[Oshawott10]

Hello. First of I would like to say I'm not a troll nor have anything against you guys. You guys are human and I love you all. I am girl that's in a very dark place with either OCD or am I truly transgender. I hope you guys will take me seriously and not as a joke because I have cried, stressed, and have anxiety over this for the past 2 days. Here's my story:

I have never in my life had transgender thoughts; I am very happy with my body and never thought anything of it. The question I have for you guys is can you "suddenly" become transgender? And when I say suddenly, that's how my thoughts were... they were sudden. I was working with my dad and then all of a sudden a thought popped up... "Am I transgender? You are transgender," and ever since then it's been stuck in my head for the past 2 days. I've thrown up, cried, and had 2 breakdowns over this. Now I will talk a little bit about my past, I always liked playing with dolls, I liked guys ever since I grew up, my first crush was a man, and I am dating an amazing man right now actually for the past year and a half. Now I have to say I had HOCD before and those thoughts are completely gone only to be replaced with these type of thoughts. They don't make me happy, every time I think about it, I get sweaty, shaky, and eventually I'll start crying. I told my mom about this because I wanted to see how I was when I was a child; she told me, I was a girly-girl, I've always liked wearing dresses, I buy high-heels now, and I always loved getting pampered (getting nails and hair done). I like buying purses, bathing suits, dresses, and all that stuff. She told me I was a regular kid when I was younger and had no problems there. When I was younger I always wanted to get married to a man and be the bride, that was my dream.

Before this happened, I was very happy, I had HOCD for the past 2 months and now for the past 2 days, I've been thinking if I'm transgendered and that's what I really want when I've never questioned that about myself ever. I look in the mirror and check to make sure I like the body I'm in now and I never had done that before. Everything was natural before this all happened. I did talk to a school psychologist today and he did reassured me that my case is very different from actual transgendered/transsexual people. My case doesn't fit how the rest were. I always check on the internet to make sure that I'm not becoming transgendered/transsexual. The fact is that it would scare me, I'm not happy with these thoughts. I just want to be back to normal which I was 2 months ago before any of these thoughts happened. I was very happy in my relationships and had a great life before any of this happened. I just want to see what you guys have to say because you guys are transgendered/transsexual and I want to hear your opinion if I am or it's just the evil OCD running it's course. I want to also know the most: did your thoughts came on randomly/suddenly like mine did, or did you guys know since you were little and it has progress? Mine was very sudden and random. Is that what truly transgendered/transsexual people think?

This wasn't meant to offend anyone, I have gay and transgendered friends, I'm just trying to understand what's going on with my mind. Any talk/advice will help. Thank you for taking the time to read this story.

[alabamagirl]

Well, my dysphoria had always been there in some form. It took me longer than some to realize exactly what it was, and even longer to admit it to myself, but it was always there. This, however, isn't the case with all trans people. Some don't seem to suffer from dysphoria all their life. I've read a lot of different stories over my time here, and it seems to vary greatly from person to person. Whether you are transgender, I really can't say. I know this probably isn't very comforting to hear, but it's something only you can know for sure. How it relates to your OCD, I can't say, either, as I'm not very familiar with that. I have some mild form of OCD, but from your description, I don't think mine and yours are very similar.

*hugs*

I want to assure you of one thing: Everything's going to be okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Whatever makes you happy, that's all that matters. You don't have to conform to gender roles or stereotypes, regardless of your identity.

[Oshawott10]

Thank you for your reply. I researched gender dysphoria and I don't have that either. The thing is ever sine I was little I was very confident that I'm a girl, I never thought in my life that I want to be a man or dress up like a man until 2 days ago and it was very, very sudden. I still want to be a girl, I'm never a tom-boy or boyish at all. I was very happy a month ago and now I'm not. Again, I don't think I'm transgendered/transsexual or fit in that role. But since I believe I have OCD, those thoughts won't stop, they keep constantly reminding me that I am, for which I know deep inside that I am not.

[Natkat]

I had OCD in my teens so I know it sucks.

First of all the whole trans experience is very broad like the way people are trans.
some are binary, some are non-binary, some knew since they could speak some first figured out in there adulthood, Some liked girly things, some boyish which did not make them any more or less trans.

a general thing about what it like is just not being satified or complitely satified with the gender you where asigned. By that it not meant as "arg it suck to be a man/women because of non-privilige, or "boy clothes are better" but as a general feeling. you could use the exemple of if you imagine yourself being on a decert island and nobody would care how you looked and what you did, how you would prefern to live and see yourself.
-
now to me it sound more like OCD, but I think a pretty interesting fact to think would be where you fear comes from? maybe by knowing that you can also know for sure if you truely feel something or if it OCD and what your OCD fear is build on.

I hope this make sense, most important trans or not is to be happy.

having OCD myself I did not get profesional threatment but I got rid of it myself. I got a few advice
first try to challenge your fear but in small steps,
second then get some vacation or other options to relax, For me my OCD was on it highest when I got stressed so not being stressed helped alot.

I hope this is usefull.

[ImagineKate]

Mine has been semi-dormant but when it wakes up it basically hits me straight in the face. I often can't think straight or sleep and would get up in the middle of the night to dress. But it was always there in some form, ever since I realized I was alive. It will probably never go away until I do something about it.