Could really use some advice, good or bad

[Jacqueline Herrer]

So I was just told that I have until my birthday (about 6 months) to leave my house. I'm 24, and still live at home(I know to most that makes me an instant loser), and literally have nothing. To summarize the past 2 years. I came out to my family at the end of December 2012. For the next year-year and a half I was pretty miserable. I started acting like myself and my voice changed, but my appearance was the same (obvious 5 o' clock shadow). I was working fast food and probably dealt with hundreds of people an hour, and almost everyone of them either laughed in my face or gave me abuse. I quit that job after a year from not being able to deal with all the abuse. During this time the policy at home was that "I could be transgender" and act like myself, but they didn't want to see makeup/clothes or anything around the house. They're basically two faced, they say they support me, but don't. Since that time I have become very depressed and have a lot of social anxiety/phobia. I've been forced out of the house to find a job many times, but haven't been able to find one. Either I'm wearing guys clothes and anxious/uncomfortable or I wear the one dingy/makeup stained white shirt that I have and be myself. Either way hasn't given me any results.

So here I'm here now. I have 3 pairs of jeans, one shirt, and some makeup minus foundation that I use regularly. I've luckily been able to find a little side job, so I'm making a little bit of money each week, and I'm slowly saving up.

I'm just so scared right now. I have almost nothing, and everything else I have is old and falling apart. But with a minimum wage or even a little bit more I can't even afford rent and groceries in CA, let alone anything I need to be able to transition. I don't know how I'm going to make it work. I've been out of college for a year, and I've been dying to go back asap. I'm very passionate about Astrophysics, and I dream of being able to do research in the field. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get back in school anytime now.

When she said I have until my birthday to get out, she said she wasn't mad, just disappointed. All I've asked for the whole time is the basics to get ahead. A decent interview outfit, a little makeup to cover up the 5 o' clock shadow, and that's it. Literally the basics that anyone needs to get a job. But anytime she's asked me what I need to get a job, and I tell her, she acts like she's offended that I even said it. Then she turns around to tell her friends that I'm lazy and don't want to work.

I'm was already angry that she tells everyone I'm lazy, but I'm sooo freaking angry and scared right now. I don't really know that I want to keep having a relationship with them, or at least not have to talk to or see them for a few years.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'd love to hear any feedback you have, whether it's good or bad.

[mac1]

It is not cleat from your post if you are FTM or MTF. Either way it sounds like you have to settle on whether you are going to be female or male and look for a suitable job. If that includes taking ridicule from some disrespectable people you will just have to grin and bear it. You might possibly be able to work out a compromise with your parents if you are going back to college to complete your degree program.

Also, for our information, are you FTM or MTF and what is your immediate desire F of M?

[Athena]

See if there is a local trans group nearby, they might be able to help you find resources to help.

[Jess42]

So I was just told that I have until my birthday (about 6 months) to leave my house. I'm 24, and still live at home(I know to most that makes me an instant loser), and literally have nothing. To summarize the past 2 years. I came out to my family at the end of December 2012. For the next year-year and a half I was pretty miserable. I started acting like myself and my voice changed, but my appearance was the same (obvious 5 o' clock shadow). I was working fast food and probably dealt with hundreds of people an hour, and almost everyone of them either laughed in my face or gave me abuse. I quit that job after a year from not being able to deal with all the abuse. During this time the policy at home was that "I could be transgender" and act like myself, but they didn't want to see makeup/clothes or anything around the house. They're basically two faced, they say they support me, but don't. Since that time I have become very depressed and have a lot of social anxiety/phobia. I've been forced out of the house to find a job many times, but haven't been able to find one. Either I'm wearing guys clothes and anxious/uncomfortable or I wear the one dingy/makeup stained white shirt that I have and be myself. Either way hasn't given me any results.

So here I'm here now. I have 3 pairs of jeans, one shirt, and some makeup minus foundation that I use regularly. I've luckily been able to find a little side job, so I'm making a little bit of money each week, and I'm slowly saving up.

I'm just so scared right now. I have almost nothing, and everything else I have is old and falling apart. But with a minimum wage or even a little bit more I can't even afford rent and groceries in CA, let alone anything I need to be able to transition. I don't know how I'm going to make it work. I've been out of college for a year, and I've been dying to go back asap. I'm very passionate about Astrophysics, and I dream of being able to do research in the field. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get back in school anytime now.

When she said I have until my birthday to get out, she said she wasn't mad, just disappointed. All I've asked for the whole time is the basics to get ahead. A decent interview outfit, a little makeup to cover up the 5 o' clock shadow, and that's it. Literally the basics that anyone needs to get a job. But anytime she's asked me what I need to get a job, and I tell her, she acts like she's offended that I even said it. Then she turns around to tell her friends that I'm lazy and don't want to work.

I'm was already angry that she tells everyone I'm lazy, but I'm sooo freaking angry and scared right now. I don't really know that I want to keep having a relationship with them, or at least not have to talk to or see them for a few years.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'd love to hear any feedback you have, whether it's good or bad.

FTM or MTF?

Yeah hon it sux. Parent's love should be unconditional. I just left LA a few month ago. If not I would definitely give you a place to stay. Yeah Cali is really expensive. Have you ever thought of Nevada? It is a lot cheaper than California unless you are in the Vegas area. Dealers, not drugs, and a lot of possible jobs at the casinos. Along with other things like drag shows and so on. Just a thought. I love Vegas, maybe even more than LA. Get a little farther from Vegas or Reno and it is extremely cheap living.

Casinos sometimes pay pretty good. Probably better than fast food joints just FYI. Tending bar, dealing blackjack and so on. But I left home when I was 18. OMG, now I wanna' go to Vegas.

[Ms Grace]

Since you're talking about trying to cover up beard shadow I presume you are m2f and not currently on HRT? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm unsure why people were laughing at you at the fast food joint, were you presenting as female, or male with make up on? You haven't indicated if you are in any form of therapy at the moment, again I'm going to presume you are not.

At any rate I would say this to you - there are some problems you cannot fix on your own.

If you are not seeing a therapist about your gender issues you need to find a way to make that happen. As mentioned above there may be a LGBTI centre nearby, something through your former college/uni perhaps? But you need to work with someone to help you get a handle on your fears and also sort out a way forwards regarding your gender identity and a path for transition.

[Jacqueline Herrer]

FTM or MTF?

Yeah hon it sux. Parent's love should be unconditional. I just left LA a few month ago. If not I would definitely give you a place to stay. Yeah Cali is really expensive. Have you ever thought of Nevada? It is a lot cheaper than California unless you are in the Vegas area. Dealers, not drugs, and a lot of possible jobs at the casinos. Along with other things like drag shows and so on. Just a thought. I love Vegas, maybe even more than LA. Get a little farther from Vegas or Reno and it is extremely cheap living.

Casinos sometimes pay pretty good. Probably better than fast food joints just FYI. Tending bar, dealing blackjack and so on. But I left home when I was 18. OMG, now I wanna' go to Vegas.

Thanks, that's incredibly generous of you to offer. I know my aunt moved to Arizona because it's much cheaper to live there and she works in one of the casinos in Laughlin.

For lack of a better term, I'm MTF. Sorry I didn't include it. Like I said I've been out for a while, and I've worked with my therapist for a long time on gender and other stuff. I know exactly who I am, and what I need to do. I just haven't been able to afford anything else. My plan was to start covering up my face with makeup and "presenting" as female, as well as getting my drivers license changed since that shouldn't be too difficult.

As for moving, I totally would if I could. I plan on working in the Aerospace/Research industries, and California is kind of a Mecca of research labs and aerospace companies. So I really don't think I'd be able to find the resources anywhere else in those fields. I may have to though if I can't afford to live anywhere else. Any good universities/colleges near you?

[Jess42]

Thanks, that's incredibly generous of you to offer. I know my aunt moved to Arizona because it's much cheaper to live there and she works in one of the casinos in Laughlin.

For lack of a better term, I'm MTF. Sorry I didn't include it. Like I said I've been out for a while, and I've worked with my therapist for a long time on gender and other stuff. I know exactly who I am, and what I need to do. I just haven't been able to afford anything else. My plan was to start covering up my face with makeup and "presenting" as female, as well as getting my drivers license changed since that shouldn't be too difficult.

As for moving, I totally would if I could. I plan on working in the Aerospace/Research industries, and California is kind of a Mecca of research labs and aerospace companies. So I really don't think I'd be able to find the resources anywhere else in those fields. I may have to though if I can't afford to live anywhere else. Any good universities/colleges near you?

No Hon. I live in Louisiana now. Sometimes hon, we just have to do what we need too to survive. I will tell you this though, no I won't. You are better than that. Drag shows in Vegas pay you pretty good. A lot of stuff in Vegas that you can do. Forget Arizona, Vegas is where all the tourists go. There is a lot of money to be made there Tourists=Money. I've played in Vegas and got paid really good. A lot better than Mississippi or Louisiana at the casinos. Connecticut messed us over big time. Never again in the Northeast unless it is a big venue.

[Jacqueline Herrer]

Since you're talking about trying to cover up beard shadow I presume you are m2f and not currently on HRT? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm unsure why people were laughing at you at the fast food joint, were you presenting as female, or male with make up on? You haven't indicated if you are in any form of therapy at the moment, again I'm going to presume you are not.

At any rate I would say this to you - there are some problems you cannot fix on your own.

If you are not seeing a therapist about your gender issues you need to find a way to make that happen. As mentioned above there may be a LGBTI centre nearby, something through your former college/uni perhaps? But you need to work with someone to help you get a handle on your fears and also sort out a way forwards regarding your gender identity and a path for transition.

I am mtf yes. I am currently seeing a therapist, and I've been with her for about a year now. I usually go every week but sometimes it's hard to get into her because she's so booked. I have been working with her on the social anxiety and depression issues. Both have become much, much better after working with her. I used to be really bad, especially with anxiety in public, but I really do have it under control.

As for why people laugh at me. At the moment I'm kinda of a gendered mess right now. I'm not on HRT yet, although I was approved for it a long time ago. I changed my voice, and it's pretty unmistakably female(at least on the phone). I wear makeup when I have the money for it, but up until recently I didn't wear any. I usually am wearing girls jeans, guys band shirts, and girls tennis shoes/ sandals. I occasionally wear that dingy shirt, and have actually had people not recognize my drivers license photo.

I do still have some anxiety when being in public, but everyone is just so much easier when I'm able to "present" as female. I just feel more self confidence, and people usually refer to me as mam. It just seems to make my day go by so much easier. Since I'm making a little bit of money each week, my brother and his girlfriend(They've been the most supportive of me) have been helping me by the things I need. She went to school to be a makeup artist, so that definitely helps. So I plan to start presenting as female everyday, get my drivers license changed, and was hoping to get a job in an office or working on computers. I'm really technical and love computers, although my therapist thinks a call center would be best.