I'm Going Crazy, Anyone Able to Get Past a Non-Changeable Feature?

[TheQuestion]

Thanks everybody.  I think everyone really hit it on the head.  I'm really hoping that I just find confidence and can be happy with myself.  I almost feel awful for being so conceded.  I'm not in too bad of shape, even my hair is basically all there (just have no idea how to manage or grow it out).  Maybe at the start of HRT I should shave it so it grows in even.  That's probably one of the problems with it.  I've been cutting my own hair since I was 14.  So it's all uneven and gets curly and all.  Been about 12 years since I've had my hair cut professionally... and it was always whiffles.  I just hate my f'in hands and these friggin' veins.  I'm hoping that I'll just feel better on HRT regardless.  Thanks again everyone, it's totally appreciated and I do mean that.  I'm excited to be starting, but I'm just afraid of the unknown.

[TheQuestion]

Some of this could be in my head, I don't know.  I just measured and my shoulders are only 17.5" across, but there definitely thick from the side.

[katiej]

It sounds to me like you're overly fixated on wishing you had transitioned earlier.  Well...you didn't.  So the only decision you have is what's in front of you right now.

In business we often refer to the fallacy of sunk costs.  You can't let previous decisions color your decision-making now.  For example, you're 30 minutes into a really terrible movie and you're not enjoying it at all.  Do you continue to watch it and waste another 60+ minutes, or do you get up and go do something that you really do enjoy?  A lot of people will say, "well, but I've already invested 30 minutes."  But that's the wrong way to look at it.  We can only make decisions based on what's in front of us.

Forget the past.  As you said, you may have been able to have model good looks.  But maybe not.  Clearly you're not enjoying this movie.  So get up, get on HRT, and see what happens.

[adrian]

Hey TheQuestion,

I'm coming from the other "side" (ftm) (I'm a six foot tall bio-woman btw) and I'm experiencing everything you describe in reverse so to speak. For me it's my broad hips and the inability to build up muscle properly due to a metabolic disorder. I don't know if testo will ever be an option for me because I'm married and I don't want to lose my husband.

I know for a fact that some of things I'm "seeing" in the mirror are a very distorted view. Other people don't see me the way I see myself. So I too must embark on that road of finding a way to accept features I cannot change. Right now, it's debilitating. I can relate to the sui feelings. I have them almost every day. I too wish I had had a chance to transition earlier in life.

Sorry, I cannot offer any solutions but I wanted to say I know how it feels. I'm in a very similar place. PM me if you feel like it .

[pianoforte]

Some of this could be in my head, I don't know.  I just measured and my shoulders are only 17.5" across, but there definitely thick from the side.

Dang, my shoulders are 24" across, and thick, and I'm AFAB. People consistently see me as female.

I think you'll be fine in the shoulder department. Especially with HRT, because it'll move things around for you and could very likely get rid of any bulky spots you don't like.

As for the things that are less likely to change: Every woman (and if we are being honest, every man) trans or cis, has something they don't like about their body.

But you're looking at it under a microscope, and everyone else is looking at it at a normal level of magnification.