I figured it out - somewhat

[Pia Bianca]

I don't know if I'm trans. But at least I kind of figured out, what I want and what my feelings are.

I like penises. I'm not repelled by them, instead I like touching and caressing them. But that's all the good I feel for male hardware. I don't like those hairy arms nor those hairy legs. And I don't like broad shoulders. I don't like the male body at all but the penis.

The female body on the other hand is so wonderful. That smooth skin, adorable hip (where you can wrap your arms around and never let loose), great curves. I love long hair. A female body is so much better than a male one.

I also feel female on the inside, whatever that means. I love to relate with people. I love to cry and feel very ashamed I trained myself not to be able to ("boys don't cry"). I also love sex but I discovered that "hop on - hop off" doesn't fulfill me. Sometimes it does, most of the time it doesn't.

I love to be caressed when having sex. I really love to have arms wrapped around myself and be held firmly. I love to have my nipples fondled with.

When I was a child I dreamed of myself as being female. But I also learned that some dreams are not meant to be fulfilled. I know that I like my penis as I like other mens penises. I might miss it.

I'd not miss any other elements of a male body though. That results in me not being attracted to males. I love all elements of a female body, including breast and vagina.

That means I'm attracted to females and mtf-preops. And females with a strap on.

Does it make me a worse transsexual if I don't want to loose my penis? I feel the answer should be no, but I'm unsure myself. It's not if others would look down on me. It's rather if I'd feel deficient.

Sorry. No real question in here. Just wanted to write that down and wait for whatever you would comment on it.

[Juliett]

If you like your penis then keep it. There is a topic about post operative regret elsewhere. The commonality between all the women with regret is that they didn't hate their penis. So feeling the way you do, GCS would likely be a mistake.

I'm curious, are you on HRT? Some of us find our interest in men grows with treatment.

[kelly_aus]

I'm non-op, I've never hated my penis.. Hell, it even provides some fun. I don't have a problem with penis, not at all.. Like you, however, I don't much like what they are usually attached to.

I'm a woman, I've always been one. Having a vagina won't make me more or less of a woman - nor does it make me any more or less trans.

I'm curious, are you on HRT? Some of us find our interest in men grows with treatment.

And just as many of us have no change at all. I'd love to see some actual stats on this, including a break down of what people thought actually caused it. My background leads me to think that causes/reasons other than hormones are the real answer.

[Pia Bianca]

The commonality between all the women with regret is that they didn't hate their penis. So feeling the way you do, GCS would likely be a mistake.

Yeah, that's what I feal for actually. That said, I'd really love to have a completely feminized body. Unfortunately there's no common ground, I'll have to choose one side or the other. I feel as if staying where I am might be the better solution given that I can change that decision at any time if the need arises later on.

I'm curious, are you on HRT? Some of us find our interest in men grows with treatment.

No, I'm not. I'd have to find a therapist before I can start. But truth is, I did have the guts once to ask a therapist and got rejected. Didn't have the courage ever again... still building. I think I'll be up for a second try soon.

I'm a woman, I've always been one. Having a vagina won't make me more or less of a woman - nor does it make me any more or less trans.

Unfortunately there's not THE truth. I wished I was as clear with my own feelings as you are. I don't know if sticking with my penis will be okay...

And just as many of us have no change at all.

That's a no-no for me. I want the full program for my skin and appearance. I understand that I'll never as beautiful as I dream myself to be, but at least I want to give it a try. Fortunately it can't get any worse as I can't feal beautiful in my male body at all.

[suzifrommd]

Does it make me a worse transsexual if I don't want to loose my penis?

God no. There isn't anyone going around judging us as to which ones of us are worse than others. It's fine to be who you are and to have whatever body you want.

The commonality between all the women with regret is that they didn't hate their penis. So feeling the way you do, GCS would likely be a mistake.

Well, I wouldn't go that far. I NEVER hated mine. I just hated that I didn't have a vagina, if that makes any sense. I actually liked my male part and what it let me do. Still, I feel better about my body after my SRS, so I wouldn't conclude that just because you have a penis and like it, then GCS is a mistake.

[Pia Bianca]

Well, I wouldn't go that far. I NEVER hated mine. I just hated that I didn't have a vagina, if that makes any sense. I actually liked my male part and what it let me do. Still, I feel better about my body after my SRS, so I wouldn't conclude that just because you have a penis and like it, then GCS is a mistake.

Unfortunately that doesn't solve my problem at all. It's exactly how I feel. I would prefer to have a vagina, I regret not being born with one. But I still don't hate my penis.

Looks as if I have to start HRT and see what comes next.

[kelly_aus]

Unfortunately there's not THE truth. I wished I was as clear with my own feelings as you are. I don't know if sticking with my penis will be okay...

Admittedly, I didn't really have a choice, I had to learn to be OK with things as they are, as surgical options are not available to me for medical reasons.

That's a no-no for me. I want the full program for my skin and appearance. I understand that I'll never as beautiful as I dream myself to be, but at least I want to give it a try. Fortunately it can't get any worse as I can't feal beautiful in my male body at all.

My comment was referring to Juliett's comment about hormones changing your sexual preference.

[stephaniec]

my penis  doesn't particularly bother me , but I' d much rather have a vagina. I love the human anatomy both male and female.

[Pia Bianca]

my penis  doesn't particularly bother me , but I' d much rather have a vagina. I love the human anatomy both male and female.

Are you going to do SRS?

[stephaniec]

Are you going to do SRS?

still thinking I've thought about it all my life though

[Kara Jayde]

I've thought about this question a bit, and truly I don't even feel 'keeping' my anatomy the way it is, is an option for me. I have no 'want' or 'desire' for my penis. I don't hate it, by any means, and it doesn't cause huge amounts of dysphoria except that I need to tuck all the time, but even so, I would much prefer my anatomy completely match my identity - and I couldn't do that with a penis.

If you have any doubts, it's probably better to sit on the question for longer until you reach a verdict? I think if you are comfortable being non-op, then why not? I wouldn't do such a dangerous, expensive, procedure, due to peer pressure.