I am Sara, and 22 years old, I am transgender male to female and currently an exchange student in Spain. My experience so far has been of coming out and going back in. I've had times where I just feel I need to be me, but I do not want to lose people who I like and those I love, so for there sakes I feel I shouldn't. I've told a few people, but am very shy about it and feel like I'd upset them if I was suddenly to change. It has been difficult, and I'm sure familiar for people here too. I have always felt I wasn't a guy, and even in my early youth recall wishing I was born a girl, and too this day if I were to cut ties with everyone I knew and started again I'd just begin to transition. However, with so many social circles and people I care for, I don't think so far I can put their wants to below my needs without feeling selfish.
Being in Spain for the next year I have already told the people I live with that I am transgender, I thought it'd be fairer and easier to get to know me for who I am straight away. In the UK, I'd have to change peoples impression of who I am which could be messy! Even here I feel a bit shy, as I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me, as the majority of the time I still present male in the day (I couldn't bring my closet with me and girls clothes here are a tad to revealing for me ). I want to go to a doctor and do something about it now, but in Spain I have no idea about the system. If anyone is familiar with that btw let me know!
Overall, I'd class myself as being a bit too concerned about others, because even though it shouldn't matter, it really does too me. I do feel until I'm ready for to start the full immersion (or I should say before I transition to a point I feel happy at), I'm messing with peoples heads still mostly being a guy.
It is not all bad though honestly, when I'm able to come home and not suppress myself for others I feel right in body and soul, if that is understandable. Its not happy or joy, its maybe a wholeness I suppose.
I hope here I can see others experiences and be part of what already appears to be a strong vibrant community, see you around.
