new here and please help?

[tokyo-osaka]

Hello,

When I was young ( around age of 8 ) I always thought I was a boy, and I felt different. I used to wear boys clothes and when we where going to swim I only wanted to wear bottom swimwear. But my parents/family never let me. When I got in highschool I got bullied a lot cause of my looks, boys clothes with long hair. I just started to wear girls clothes again but something always felt off. Short after that I cut my hair short, still have it short.

Since two years im wearing a mix of girl and guys clothes, and not sure anymore how I feel. I feel like a boy, but Im scared of everyones reactions. Im scared Ill lose friends or other things.

Today this morning I told my mom how I feel, she was nice but didnt really understand. Im scared of telling it to my dad cause he gets mad really easy. Im also not quiet the most normal person, I have Diabetes type 1 and ADHD.

Also I am now 18 years old, I am 182CM and skinny. I really feel like a guy, I dont know where to start with things. I hate my hips and boobs and my boobs are not even big, there A, sometimes small B. But for some reason I dont want to change the bottom. I feel just okay with that, I dont even know why. I feel pretty weird about it anyway.


Thanks for reading, I hope for some advice or something like that.

[Matthew]

Welcome to Susan's!!

My advice would be speak to a gender therapist, they'll help you not only work out who you are and if any, what steps you want to take in transition.


*a big warm welcome hug*
-Matt

[pianoforte]

I feel like you will run into a lot of people who have had similar feelings (and different ones, because every person is unique).

If you can find a gender therapist to talk to, that would probably be a good idea. From your username, it sounds like maybe you are in Japan? I don't know what kind of therapists are available there, but there are others on this forum who might be more knowledgeable.

You can express your gender in a number of ways. If you like short hair and boy clothes, you should be allowed to wear them.

If you want to express yourself a more masculine way, you might want to purchase a binder to help minimize the appearance of your breasts.

You are not alone in your feelings.

[mrs izzy]

tokyo-osaka
Welcome to Susan's family 
I agree getting a gender therapist is a great way to sort through the issues. There is no set one size fits all so your path is yours only to walk.
Wish you the best i know having Type 1 and ADHD has to add even more stresses into your life.

In the meantime pull up a chair and give a look over the following links for the site info...

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Safe passage on your path, popcorn?

Izzy

[tokyo-osaka]

Thank you all for the advice!! Im going to it as soon as possible, and after I told my dad.

And accually I dont live in Japan, I just really love japan I live in the Netherlands in Europe.


Really thanks!!!

[h3llsb3lls]

Hi! And welcome. You have come to the right place.

In regard to not wanting bottom surgery, many of us don't. I don't. I think the surgeries available wouldn't produce results that I would be any more happy with than I am my current "junk". I still intend to transition, because I don't think its anyones business what is in my pants but mine.

[tokyo-osaka]

Hii!!

And hmm.. I really also dont want it cause I saw lots of things and its just not what I'm looking for or want at the moment. I might change my mind when Ill get older tho. But yeah, at the moment Im so stressed of everything. Cause I "kinda" told my mom, I havent told my dad. And only 3 close friends know, and then there still is my school, my family and other friends.

Im thinking about it so much lately that I got a pretty painfull headache..

[Taka]

don't go getting headaches, they hurt...

wanting to get bottom surgery and wanting to somehow magically get a perfect functional penis, are two quite different things.
do you not want to change your bottom, or are you just not wanting to change unless you can get a perfect result?

even if you don't want to change your bottom, that doesn't make you less of what you are.
if you think you are a guy, then you probably are.
if you're over 18, seeing a gender therapist would be a good idea.
adhd and diabetes don't mess with your gender identity, they aren't likely to be a cause for your feelings.
depression, schizophrenia, ptsd and some other mental conditions can make you confused about your gender identity, though they usually don't either.
problems with gonads and/or sex hormone levels can make things weird too, but you'll have to mess them up a little more if you want to find out if that is a cause... (often leads to transition, but in some cases removing gonads or blocking sex hormones has been enough to make people comfortable in their own skin again.)

so see a gender therapist.
and read lots and lots of threads on these forums. it's super interesting.