3 wedding questions

[Shana-chan]

1. If you're a sister, attending your sister's wedding, what role are you given? (Bridesmaid or something else?)

2. Have you ever gone to a wedding, or had the chance to but due to you being trans, u had difficulty? If you chose not to go or to go, why? (This question is in regards to if you went as your true self, but if you went as not who you really are, please say so and why)

3. I forget, will ask if I remember

[pianoforte]

1. I think sisters are often bridesmaids. But if they're not super close, you might just be invited and not have to participate (which for me would be a relief as I hate being on stage, but if you are wanting to participate rather than simply attend, definitely let your sister know!).

2. I went to a wedding dressed femme (I'm FTM) during a time when I was in denial. I felt really uncomfortable the entire time and people complimented me on my dress and makeup and it felt gross and nauseating and I couldn't speak coherently. For me, it was a big deal to be there all dressed up and feeling like I was in drag (and it's a moment I look back to as one of the times I knew I was trans without knowing I was trans).

But it's such an individual thing -- whether you feel more comfortable dressing up in a tux/suit vs. a dress/makeup. Nobody feels normal when they're dressed up for formal events, so it might make you unexpectedly emotional or intensify dysphoria... but it can do that either way.

You need to do what's best for you.

And if that means you have to have some long conversations with your sister, it might be worth starting that process early.

[King Malachite]

I was a maid of honor in my sister's wedding.  For me, I was in middle school at the time so I was forced to wear a dress when I  wanted to wear a tux.

[kelly_aus]

1. If you're a sister, attending your sister's wedding, what role are you given? (Bridesmaid or something else?)

You'll get any role she gives you, including none. You just never know.. I've been bridesmaid and groomsman at 2 of the same brides weddings.. Go figure.

2. Have you ever gone to a wedding, or had the chance to but due to you being trans, u had difficulty? If you chose not to go or to go, why? (This question is in regards to if you went as your true self, but if you went as not who you really are, please say so and why)

In May last year, I was adopted by my GF's eldest daughter when my GF died.. I was invited to be Mother of the Bride at her wedding in July. I went. But even as late as the front gate of the wedding place, I was ready to turn around and run. But that was as much because I felt like an intruder as it was because I was trans. In the end, I had a great time.. Got outrageouly inebriated, offended a good portion of the grooms family and had a good meal..

[Shana-chan]

thanks for answering questions.

[Jenna Marie]

What your sister wants. Well, in the sense that she doesn't HAVE to have you as a bridesmaid or maid of honor (my own wife didn't want bridesmaids at all, but her sister threw such a tantrum that she got to be one). But if she wants you in the wedding party, it should be in a gender-appropriate role.

The one wedding I've been in the wedding party post-transition, I was the maid of honor for a close friend.

[Kaelin]

1) I was an usher.

2) I've been ducking every wedding nowadays.  I can't stand a suit, but so many other things about weddings bother me anyway (I'm awkwardly hanging with relatives and people I don't know, there's typically a religious component that is sometimes quite heavy that I don't relate to, there's usually a long commute, hanging with large groups for many hours isn't my thing, and it's an-over-the-top celebration of an early point of a relationship [around the five-year mark in what is often hopefully a fifty+ year relationship]).  Granted, if anyone getting married lately was supportive enough of me to invite me as I am, I'd probably care about them enough to go even in a suit.  In that respect, it's made the decision "easy" for me, especially with my sister getting married beforehand.

[Taka]

1) i think i'll have to ask my sister about that... she's not married yet, but i expect it to eventually happen.
still, i don't think she'll want me to be anything other than present.

2) at my dad's 2nd wedding, i didn't do anything special, other than sing a song. was a little girl back then, and questioning gender wasn't yet a hobby i'd set my eyes on.
at my brother's wedding, i got no special role. all he wanted was for his whole family to be there. the night before the wedding, i wore male clothing (without binding anything). was well received by everyone other than my mother. on the night of the wedding, i wore female clothing, but wished i had more fitting male clothing to wear. i think some might have noticed i looked ridiculous, though most thought i was looking good. the bride was, and is, a very independent woman, and i don't believe she would ever try to deny any of the guests entrance based on gender or sexual identity. my bother, the groom, wouldn't have been allowed a negative opinion either.

3) most of the people i know are great people. my parents are the only bad ones, and my mother in particular.
i really should ask my sister about this. thank you for reminding me and giving me a good reason to come out to her properly.