Well if there was ever a time to tell my cramped story it'd be to strangers across the World Wide Web who will probably care more than actual physical people in my life lol. My name starts with a J it'll be Jamie after I change it I'll like to believe that the quality of my life will instantly mean I'll become who I want to be with my new name but.. things are rarely that easy as we all know. I was born a baby girl on an island in the Caribbean to the most wonderful mother anyone could ever ask for and a father more despicable than Al Pacino in the devils advocate. I immigrated to the tri state area at eight at which point I met my father for the first time and learned what well let's just say it he beat the crap of me for the next ten years while simultaneously cheating on the most kind human being either of us have ever met(we don't agree on much but on that we are united). Long story short I've got issues haha joined the Marine Corps soon as I graduated high school I've recently gotten out and am actively in college in pursuit of a business major and I dabble in other things. Now the part that's hard to even write about I'm Hispanic ha I look white because of my skin but my upbringing and blood is everything but.. It's hard enough being a "lesbian" ha it all sort of happened when I was around fifteen. Was like I discovered that such a thing as becoming who you felt on the inside had a name and a process and it was a reality. All that information did was depress me further like a dream that can become real for other people but never for me. I had always felt like a boy growing up never liked girls ha until I hit thirteen those feelings were confusing puberty even more. I remember feeling so scared I'd get curves and breasts and well I told myself I could always get them reduced if they were too big(not exactly normal thoughts a 12 yr old has id realize later) I don't know everything hurts when I think about all the guys that do become who they want to be and look so great and I'm trapped in my box. Reason I can't transition is my mother is all I have and I'm all she has the woman is literally a saint guys she'll restore your faith in humanity I promise you haha but she would die if I did and I have no one else to care for me no one else ever has.. She took the gay thing hard lol as any Hispanic mother would she would say things like "I gave birth to a girl not a boy" lol I don't know I guess to become me I'd have to lose her and I can't bring myself to do that idk but I find myself becoming an angrier insanely violent person (have I mentioned my time in the corps may have screwed me up a bit?) and I'm scared of where I'm going to end up idk what I'm here for guys guess success stories both make me happy and sad
