Quote from: Cin on September 06, 2014, 10:45:07 AM
It's kind of intriguing, yet frustrating, does ANYBODY else feel this way? what is with my head....?
I have always heard the sides of my thoughts as feminine or masculine, but still very close in those thoughts that come as a voice, like reading out loud in your head kinda thoughts.
I identify them as she and he, but they are for the most part, a blend of a single voice, thought, and/or feeling of feminine and masculine at the same time.
They aren't separate, they are
reflections of gender, as the thoughts, feelings are just me, they do have slightly different variations to them.
Under stress they do become more apparent, but not by much.
There was a time of huge stress that did separate them much more way back when, but the stress was the job, not within myself.
Actually it was the realization of the way gender played out that kept me alive for well over a year living in a extreme stress situation.
It was a time where they did become much more apparent to me, more so than they ever had.
It still happens every so often, but not to that same degree.
In talking to someone the other day, I showed them by placing my hands together and told them it is a thought, there are diferent sides to them, it doesn't matter what or which they are.
I them twisted them counter to each and explained that where they now don't match up, that is the awareness of the differences.
Pulling them slightly apart was my version of extreme stress, when they both go into a protection mode of a sort.
For the most part, both hands represent every thought, all of my thinking, my awareness of the world around me.
There are different sides, there are to most things in the ways we think.
Young and old. Good and bad. Left or right? Why would apparent gender thinking be any different?
Studies, mostly based on questionnaires, have indicated that most people think in terms of themselves as an 80/20 split, but identify with the 80%.
That's most people, they think in those same kinds of terms, don't sense the counter rotating hands image...
Non-binary is simply more apparent in thinking in a more even split.
There are people I'm sure who are around an even split and aren't aware and consider themselves as binary, which is just fine...
There are people who have less than that 80/20 and are acutely aware and do consider themselves to be non-binary in their own ways...
I personally look for the differences and use them to my advantage, as a strength to draw on.
It would be and is, very frustrating that I can't just do that whenever.
I see distinct value in finding those strengths and weakness's, and work on the weakness's to keep them low and the strength of my gender high.
Not much different than knowing right from wrong and trying to be a good person.
I just happen to have an awareness of how my gender plays into the bigger picture of life.
I think a lot of us just do this without thinking about it very much.
I think a sudden awareness that you do indeed have more than just a binary gender could cause some confusion and such, but it isn't that difficult to think about if you put it in terms like I have, it's your gender.
Another unique facet about yourself, and one that works with all the other facets in interesting ways.
It is intriguing, but it isn't frustrating, it's a gift that you are aware that you have.
Have fun with it and use it as much as you wish, you own it.
Ativan
